User:Tony1/Exercises in textual flow: Difference between revisions

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Here are four sets of exercises: in paragraphing, the control of sentence length, and the use of commas (two sets).

{{User:Tony1/Writing exercise box}}

[[User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 2a|Return to the orginal article]]

===Exercise 1: paragraphing===

Here’s a fat, grey paragraph that functions aswas the lead ofin ana FAC. It needs to be broken up into, let’s say, four manageable portions. There are a number of ways of dividing it, so we can offer only a suggested solution.

'''Your task''' is to identify three statements withinin the paragraph that appear to take a fresh direction. Check that each of these statements can function as a “theme”—that is, as a logical, cohesive subsidiary topic within the lead. To perform this function, each statement that you identify must be followed by extensions or enhancements of the idea that it introduces. [[Image:SOHO solar flare sun large 20031026 0119 eit 304.png|thumb|right|200px|Large solar flare recorded using UV light]]

<div style="padding:10px; background-color:#E6E6FA">'''The Sun''' is the star at the centre of our solar system. The Earth and other matter (including other planets, asteroids, meteoroids, comets and dust) orbit the Sun, which by itself accounts for more than 99% of the solar system’s mass. Energy from the Sun—in the form of sunlight, supports almost all life on Earth via photosynthesis, and, via heating from insolation—drives the Earth’s climate and weather. About 74% of the Sun’s mass is hydrogen, 25% is helium, and the rest is made up of trace quantities of heavier elements. The Sun is about 4.6 billion years old and is about halfway through its main-sequence evolution, during which nuclear fusion reactions in its core fuse hydrogen into helium. Each second, more than four million tonnes of matter are converted into energy within the Sun’s core, producing neutrinos and solar radiation. In about five billion years, the Sun will evolve into a red giant and then a white dwarf, creating a planetary nebula in the process. The Sun is a magnetically active star; it supports a strong, changing magnetic field that varies from year to year and reverses direction about every 11 years. The Sun’s magnetic field gives rise to many effects that are collectively called solar activity, including sunspots on the surface of the Sun, solar flares, and variations in the solar wind that carry material through the solar system. The effects of solar activity on Earth include auroras at moderate to high latitudes, and the disruption of radio communications and electric power. Solar activity is thought to have played a large role in the formation and evolution of the solar system, and strongly affects the structure of Earth’s outer atmosphere. Although it is the nearest star to Earth and has been intensively studied by scientists, many questions about the Sun remain unanswered; these include why its outer atmosphere has a temperature of over a million degrees K when its visible surface (the photosphere) has a temperature of just 6000 K. Current topics of scientific enquiry include the Sun’s regular cycle of sunspot activity, the physics and origin of solar flares and prominences, the magnetic interaction between the chromosphere and the corona, and the origin of the solar wind.</div>

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When you’ve identified the three statements, have a look at our [[User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 2a: exercises in textual flow#Exercise 1: suggested solution|<b>suggested solution</b>]]. But first ...

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<div class="NavHead" style="text-align:left; font-size:100%;">

Perhaps you’d like a hint as to what the “theme” of each of the four new, shorter paragraphs might be?

</div>

<div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;">

Including the start, the four themes of the lead couldmight be:

*introduction;

*evolution/energy production (i.e., introduced by the first fresh statement that you’ve identified);

*magnetic and other solar activity; and

*unanswered questions.

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</div>

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[[Image:Jane AustenJane_Austen_(chopped)_2.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Jane AustinAusten (1775–1817) is widely regarded as one of the greatest ever writers in the English language. Her unfailingly elegant prose depicted middle- and upper-class moral dilemmas with powerful irony.]]

When you’ve identified the three statements, have a look at our [[User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 2a1a: exercises in textual flow#Exercise 1: suggested solution|<b>suggested solution</b>]]. But first ...

===Exercise 2: sentence length===

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'''Please widen your window if the display is distorted.'''

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<font color=midnightblue>QUESTION A<br/>Gregorian chant is the best-known repertory of plainchant, a form of monophonic, <br/>unaccompanied sacred song, which was developed in the Catholic Church, mainly in <br/>the Frankish lands during the ninth9th and tenth10th centuries, with later additions and redactions.</font>

</div>

<div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;">

<b>HINT<br/></b>

*A good ___location for a break is about half-way through (see the <font color=crimson>red text</font> below).

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*However, being singular, “this” could refer back to any of the four singular items in the first <br/>sentence: “Gregorian chant”, “best-known repertory”, “plainchant”, or “a form of monophonic, <br/>unaccompanied sacred song”. That would be fuzzy.

*To make it clear, you’ll probably need to restate one of these items at the start of your new sentence.

<br/><b><font color=midnightblue>Gregorian chant is the best-known repertory of plainchant, a form of monophonic, <br/>unaccompanied sacred so</font><font color=crimson>ng, which</font>
<font color=midnightblue> was developed in the Catholic Church, mainly in <br/>the Frankish lands during the ninth9th and tenth10th centuries, with later additions and redactions.</font></b>

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</div>

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<div class="NavHead" style="text-align:left; height:2em; font-size:100%;">

<font color=darkgreen>SOLUTION </font></div><div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;"><b><font color=green>Gregorian chant is the best-known repertory of plainchant, a form of monophonic, <br/>unaccompanied sacred so</font><font color=crimson>ng. Plainchant</font><font color=green> was developed in the Catholic Church, mainly in <br/>
the Frankish lands during the ninth9th and tenth10th centuries, with later additions and redactions.</font></b>

</div>

</div>

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<div class="NavHead" style="text-align:left; height:9em; font-size:100%;">

<font color=midnightblue>QUESTION B<br/>However, ardent debate ensued between political factions known as the Federalists and <br/>and anti-Federalists ensued over the balance between strengthening the nation’s <br/>government and weakening the rights of the people who just 10 years earlier had <br/> rebelled against the perceived tyranny of George III of England, particularly his <br/>unwillingness to change the taxation regime.</font>

</div>

<div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;">

<b>HINT<br/></b></b>

*Here, again, you’ll need to tweak the grammar and repeat an item in the new sentence, <br/>preferably not straight after the previous occurrence.

<br/><b><font color=midnightblue>However, ardent debate ensued between political factions known as the Federalists and <br/>and anti-Federalists ensued over the balance between strengthening the nation’s <br/>government and weakening the rights of the </font><font color=crimson>people who</font>
<font color=midnightblue> just 10 years earlier had <br/>rebelled against the perceived tyranny of George III of England, particularly his <br/>unwillingness to change the taxation regime.</font></b>

</div>

</div>

</div>
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<div class="NavHead" style="text-align:left; height:2em; font-size:100%;">

<font color=darkgreen>SOLUTION </font></div><div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;"><b><font color=green>However, ardent debate ensued between political factions known as the Federalists and <br/>and anti-Federalists ensued over the balance between strengthening the nation’s government <br/>government and weakening the rights of the peopl</font><font color=crimson>e. J</font><font color=green>ust 10 years earlier</font><font color=crimson>, the same people</font><font color=green> had <br/>rebelled against the perceived tyranny of George III of England, particularly his <br/>unwillingness to change the taxation regime.</bfont></b>

*We inserted "same" ("the same people") to retain the writer's emphasis.

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<font color=midnightblue>QUESTION C<br/>As such, the comic strip holds a unique place in British football folklore, demonstrated <br/>most clearly by the phrase “real Roy of the Rovers stuff”, which is typically used <br/>by football writers and commentators to describe displays of great skill or results <br/>that go against the odds, as a reference to the dramatic storylines that became <br/>the trademark of the comic strip.</font>

</div>

<div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;">

<b>HINT<br/></b></b>

*This is long enough to split in several ways; our solution is just one.

*We opted to repeat the main item ("the phrase") some way into the second <br/>sentence. See if you can work out where.

<b><font color=midnightblue>As such, the comic strip holds a unique place in British football folklore, demonstrated <br/>most clearly by the phrase “real Roy of the Rovers stuf</font><font color=crimson>f”, which is</font><font color=midnightblue> typically used <br/>by football writers and commentators to describe displays of great skill or results <br/>that go against the odds, as a reference to the dramatic storylines that became <br/>the trademark of the comic strip.</font></b>

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</div>

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<div class="NavHead" style="text-align:left; height:2em; font-size:100%;">

<font color=darkgreen>SOLUTION </font></div><div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;"><b><font color=darkgreen>As such, the comic strip holds a unique place in British football folklore, demonstrated <br/>most clearly by the phrase “real Roy of the Rovers stuf<font color=crimson>f”. Ty</font>pically used by <br/>football writers and commentators to describe displays of great skill or results <br/>that go against the odds, </font><font color=crimson>the phrase</font><font color=darkgreen> is a reference to the dramatic storylines <br/>that became the trademark of the comic strip.</bfont></b>

*Like "the same people" in the previous exercise, the key back-reference here <br/>("the phrase") is in the middle of the second sentence. This sometimes works well.

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<font color=midnightblue>QUESTION D<br/>Originally developed for racing cars to prevent the foaming of the engine oil <br/>by the crankshaft, which created a serious drop in oil pressure, the system <br/>circulated 12 litres of oil between the storage tank—mounted inside the <br/>right-front fender—and the engine, as opposed to the usual four or five litres <br/>that circulated in V8s with a standard oil pan and pump.</font>

</div>

<div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;">

<b>HINT<br/></b>

*Bring the subject of this long sentence back to the start; and

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</div>

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<div class="NavHead" style="text-align:left; height:2em; font-size:100%;">

<font color=darkgreen>SOLUTION </font></div><div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;"><b><font color=crimson>The system was</font><font color=darkgreen> originally developed for racing cars to prevent the foaming <br/>of the engine oil by the crankshaft, which created a serious drop in oil <br/>pressu</font><font color=crimson>re. T</font><font color=darkgreen>he system circulated 12 litres of oil between the storage tank—mounted <br/>inside the right-front fender—and the engine, as opposed to the usual four or five <br/>litres that circulated in V8s with a standard oil pan and pump.</bfont></b>

*You might consider avoiding the repetition of the subject ("the system") by using a semicolon <br/>at the same boundary, instead of a full-stop. The magic of a semicolon is that you can use <br/>"it" to refer right back to the start of the statement.

*If the second section is still totoo long for your liking, you could split off the last part into a third, final sentence.

The text would then look something like this:

<br/><b><font color=darkgreen>The system was originally developed for racing cars to prevent the foaming <br/>of the engine oil by the crankshaft, which created a serious drop in oil <br/>pressu</font><font color=crimson>re; it</font><font color=darkgreen> circulated 12 litres of oil between the storage tank—mounted inside<br/> the right-front fender—and the engi</font><font color=crimson>ne. This compared favourably with</font><font color=darkgreen> the usual four or five litres <br/> that circulated in V8s with a standard oil pan and pump.</font></b>

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[[Image:Hemingway's writing desk in Key West.jpg|thumb|right|250px|The writing desk of Ernest HemmingwayHemingway (1899–1961), an American novelist whose distinctive writing style is characterised by economy and understatement.]]

<!--After leaving school at the age of 14, Welensky found employment with [[Rhodesia Railways]] as a fireman, while putting his physical strength to work as a boxer, becoming the professional heavyweight boxing champion of Rhodesia at 19 and holding the position until he was 21.-->

===Exercise 3: smoothly integrating ideas into a sentence===

Although the title here says "sentence", learning how to integrate ideas effectively can involve the relationship ''between'' sentences, as well as ''within'' them. Some of the exercises thus involve two sentences.

Try to determine how the ideas in these exercises might be better integrated. This may involve using a more appropriate link (e.g., an additive rather than a contrastive word, or a semicolon or full-stop instead of "and").

For each question, hit “<font color=mediumblueblue><span style="font-size:8pt">[Show]</span></font>“ in the lower box to reveal the solution. If you'd like a hint before displaying the solution, first hit “<font color=mediumblueblue><span style="font-size:8pt">[Show]</span></font>“ in the upper box to reveal it.

===Exercise 3: smoothly integrating ideas into a sentence===

Try to determine how the ideas in these exercises might be better integrated. This may involve using a more appropriate link (e.g., an additive rather than a contrastive word, or a semicolon or full-stop instead of "and".

For each question, hit “<font color=mediumblue>[Show]</font>“ in the lower box to reveal the solution. If you'd like a hint before displaying the solution, first hit “<font color=mediumblue>[Show]</font>“ in the upper box to reveal it.

'''Please widen your window if the display is distorted.'''

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<div class="NavHead" style="text-align:left; height:6em; font-size:100%;">

<font color=greenmidnightblue>QUESTION A</font><br/><font color=midnightblue>The Earth's atmosphere has no definite boundary, slowly becoming thinner until <br/>it fades into outer space. Three-quarters of the atmosphere's mass, however, is <br/>contained within the first 11 kilometres of the planet's surface.</font>

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<b><font color=greenblack>HINT</font><br/></b>

*How does the second sentence grow out of the first—by:

**contradicting it?

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</div>

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<div class="NavHead" style="text-align:left; height:2em; font-size:100%;">

<font color=greendarkgreen>SOLUTION</font> </div><div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;"><b><font color=green>The Earth's atmosphere has no definite boundary, slowly becoming thinner until <br/>it fades into outer space. Three-quarters of the atmosphere's mass<s/font><font color=crimson><s>, however,</s></font><font color=green> is <br/>contained within the first 11 kilometres of the planet's surface.<br/></font></b>

*The second sentence just adds more information, so "however", with its commas, <br/>should be removed.</div>

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<font color=greenmidnightblue>QUESTION B</font><br/><font color=midnightblue>He is the elder brother of Oasis frontman Liam Gallagher and the twothey are <br/>well-known as squabbling siblings.</font>

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<b><font color=greenblack>HINT</font><br/></b>

*How close are the two ideas in this sentence?

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<div class="NavHead" style="text-align:left; height:2em; font-size:100%;">

<font color=greendarkgreen>SOLUTION</font> </div><div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;"><b><font color=green>He is the elder brother of Oasis frontman Liam GallaghGallaghe</font><font color=crimson>err; tht</font>e<font twocolor=darkgreen>hey are <br/>well-known as squabbling siblings.<br/b><br/font></b>

*In most contexts, announcing that they're brothers and telling us that they squabble will be too different to belong in the one sentence, particularly a short one. Inserting a comma before "and" would be better than nothing, but a semicolon instead of "and" provides a more distinct boundary between the ideas.

</div>

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<font color=greenmidnightblue>QUESTION C</font><br/><font color=midnightblue>The accusations were largely directed towards senior civil servants, particularly in the <br/>Home Office, but also included officers of the diplomatic corecorps.</font>

</div>

<div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;">

<b><font color=greenblack>HINT</font><br/></b>

*What's the relationship between the last clause ("but also included ...") and the previous statement?

*There's a redundant word here, too.

</div>

</div>

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<font color=green>SOLUTION</font> </div><div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;"><b><font color=green>The accusations were largely directed towards senior civil servants, particularly in the <br/>Home Office, </font><font color=crimson><s>but also</s> </font><font color=saddlebrown>and</font><font color=darkgreen> included officers of the diplomatic corecorps.<br/></font></b>

*The relationship is additive, not contrastive.

*"Largely" already indicates that the accusations were directed at other people as well.

*Therefore, "and", not "but" should link to what is simply additional, expected information.

*As usual, "also" adds nothing and should be removed.

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STILL UNDER CONSTRUCTION:

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<font color=greenmidnightblue>QUESTION D</font><br/>Only theThe ranges of ''L. raniformis'' and ''L. castanea'' overlap with that of the Green and <br/>Golden Bell Frog, and the general body shape and colourationcoloration of the three species are similar.</divfont>

</div>

<div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;">

<b><font color=green>HINT</font><br/></b>

<b><font color=black>HINT</font></b><br/>

*Are the two ideas close enough to be glued together like this?

</div>

</div>

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<div class="NavHead" style="text-align:left; height:2em; font-size:100%;">

<font color=greendarkgreen>SOLUTION</font> </div><div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;"><b>Gregorian<br/><font chantcolor=green>The isranges theof best-known''L. repertoryraniformis'' ofand plainchant,''L. acastanea'' overlap with formthat of monophonic,the Green and <br/>unaccompaniedGolden sacredBell soFro</font><font color=crimson>ng.g; Plainchantt</font><font wascolor=green>he developedgeneral inbody the Catholic Church, mainly in <br/>westernshape and centralcoloration Europe duringof the periodthree 800–1000,species withare later additions and redactionssimilar.<br/></font></b>

*Again, the two clauses are too different to be linked with a comma + ''and''.

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<font color=greenmidnightblue>QUESTION E</font><br/>GregorianHe chantformed isseveral thebands best-knownwhile repertoryat ofhigh plainchant,school: athe form of monophonicfirst, <br/>unaccompaniedThe sacredShadow songBlasters, which was developedshort-lived, inbut the Catholic Churchsecond, mainly inThe <br/>westernGolden and central Europe during the period 800–1000Chords, withlasted later additions and redactionslonger.</font></div>

<div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;">

<b><font color=greenblack>HINT</font><br/></b>

*How are the two clauses related?

</div>

<div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;">

<b><font color=green>HINT</font><br/></b>

*A good ___location for a break is about half-way through (see the <font color=crimson>red text</font> below).

*You ''could'' start your new, second sentence with “This ...”.

*However, being singular, “this” could refer back to any of the four singular items in the first <br/>sentence: “Gregorian chant”, “best-known repertory”, “plainchant”, or “a form of monophonic, <br/>unaccompanied sacred song”. That would be very fuzzy.

*To make it clear, you’ll need to restate one of these items at the start of your new sentence.

<br/><b>Gregorian chant is the best-known repertory of plainchant, a form of monophonic, <br/>unaccompanied sacred so<font color=crimson>ng, which</font> was developed in the Catholic Church, mainly in <br/>western and central Europe during the period 800–1000, with later additions and redactions.

</div>

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</div>

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<div class="NavHead" style="text-align:left; height:2em; font-size:100%;">

<font color=greendarkgreen>SOLUTION</font> </div><div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;"><b>Gregorian<font chantcolor=darkgreen>He isformed theseveral best-knownbands repertorywhile ofat plainchant,high aschool: form ofthe monophonicfirst, <br/>unaccompaniedThe sacredShadow soBlasters, was short-live</font><font color=crimson>ng.d; Plainchantt</font><font wascolor=darkgreen>he developed in the Catholic Churchsecond, mainly inThe <br/>westernGolden and central Europe during the period 800–1000Chords, withlasted later additions and redactionslonger.</font></b>

*Since the second clause in no way contradicts the first, comma + "and", or a semicolon will do the trick.

</div>

</div>

[[Image:White p.jpg|thumb|right|250px|[[Brett Whiteley]]'s painting of Australian novelist [[Patrick White]] on the cover of his biography. White's acerbic, highly original use of the English language won him the 1973 [[Nobel Prize for Literature]], "for an epic and psychological narrative art, which has introduced a new continent into literature".]]

===Exercise 4: commas===

<!--It is sponsored by [[Canonical Ltd]] (owned by [[Mark Shuttleworth]]) and the name of the distribution comes from the [[South African]] concept of ''[[Ubuntu (ideology)|ubuntu]]''&mdash;roughly, "humanity towards others". (Not close enough for "and"—use semicolon)

Ubuntu packages have generally been based on packages from [[Debian]]'s [[Debian#Development versions|unstable branch]]: both distributions use Debian's [[deb (file format)|deb]] [[Software package|package]] format and [[Advanced Packaging Tool|APT]]/[[Synaptic]] to manage installed packages. (Replace "and," with colon)

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During the breeding season males experience hormonal changes including an increase in [[luteinizing hormone]] and [[testosterone]] levels and their [[testes]] double in size.

" It was one of the first true assault rifles, and remains the most widely used." (Remove comma).-->

===Suggested solutions===

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[[User:Tony1/How_to_satisfy_Criterion_2aHow to satisfy Criterion 1a:_exercises_in_textual_flow exercises in textual flow#Exercise 2: sentence length|<b>Return to the next exercise</b>]] or [[User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 2a1a|<b>return to the original article</b>]]

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The Bricker Amendment is the name applied to a series of proposed amendments to the United States Constitution considered by the United States Senate in the 1950s which would have placed restrictions on the scope and ratification of treaties and executive agreements entered into by the United States. American politics has always contained an isolationist element which was a particularly potent force in the 1930s and early 1940s, but went dormant with the American entry into World War II. After the conclusion of hostilities and the start of the Cold War with the Soviet Union actively attempting to spread Communism abroad, fears of the loss of American sovereignty to the newly created United Nations and its affiliated international organizations were spread by Frank E. Holman of the American Bar Association (ABA) and others who cited precedents of state and federal courts, notably Missouri v. Holland. They claimed these decisions showed how treaties could override the Constitution and be used by foreigners to threaten American liberties.

<!-- The pharmacological properties of the compounds prepared initially were disappointing, and Sternbach abandoned the project. (Comma or no comma?-->

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[[Category:User essays on style|Exercises in textual flow]]

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