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__NOTOC__[[Image:Gabriel Metsu - Man Writing a Letter.JPG|thumb|right|260px|''Man writing a letter'' (1662–65), oil on canvas, by Dutch painter [[Gabriel Metsu]]; National Gallery of Ireland, Dublin]]
{{User:Tony1/Writing exercise box}}
'''Please note: the exercises are intended to be done in your mind; saving edits means the page has to be reverted.'''
Skilled editing is central to achieving high-quality Wikipedia articles. Each exercise below will present you with a portion of faulty text. It may contain problems of grammar, logic, cohesion, tone, lexical choice, punctuation or redundant wording. In some cases, there are breaches of Wikipedia's [[Manual of Style|Manual of style]].
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'''Instructions.''' Click on <font color=darkblue>[Show]</font> to the right of each stage. Good luck!
==Group 1==
===Teen pop idol ===
He was a teen pop idol from 1964–1979, and since then he has forged a career as an adult contemporary singer.
{{editing exercise
|1=Hint 1
|2=*One
*One issue concerning the "since" wording.
}}
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===Canadian politics ===
The Liberal Party had governed the nation since 1935, and had won five consecutive elections.
{{editing exercise
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===Welfare state===
The Liberals were generally successful, with the nation prosperous and an increasing welfare state.
[In the article, this comes straight after the previous statement in Exercise 2.]
{{editing exercise
|1=Hints
|2=*Is "were"
*Do you ''increase'' a welfare state?
}}
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}}
===Committee grows tired of chairman===
His father was a lawyer, a judge and, for 31 years, a Congressman who chaired the House Naval Affairs Committee during the Harding and Coolidge administrations.
{{editing exercise
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{{editing exercise
|1=Possible solution
|2=His father was a lawyer, a judge, and for 31 years a Congressma<font color=darkgreen>'''n, w'''</font>ho chaired the House Naval Affairs Committee during the Harding and Coolidge administrations.
}}
{{editing exercise
|1=Explanation
|2=The comma clarifies that he was a "Congressman" for 31 years, not the chair of the committee for 31 years.
}}
===South Korean army===
The smaller South Korean army suffered from widespread lack of organisation and equipment, and it was unprepared for war.
[This could be improved in two ways.]
{{editing exercise
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===David Bellamy===
A protest group was formed to resist the proposed construction, which attracted support from the botanist and environmental campaigner David Bellamy.
{{editing exercise
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That's enough thinking for now. Go have a rest, and come back tomorrow and do the next set.
==Group 2==
===Market town===
Navenby, which has Bronze Age, Roman and Medieval heritage, was made a market-town with charters from Edward the Confessor, William Rufus, and Richard II. However, the market fell into disuse in the early 19th century.
[There's one issue.]
{{editing exercise
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===FA Cup final===
Montgomery's feat is often described as the most famous save, in an FA Cup final, of all time.
{{editing exercise
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===Sunderland ===
Sunderland required only a draw in their final game against rivals Chelsea, who had another game left to play after this match, to secure promotion.
[It has a clunky feel to it; why?]
{{editing exercise
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===Shots at the goal===
Sunderland, a Second Division club at the time, won the game, mostly due to the efforts of their goalkeeper Jimmy Montgomery; he saved in quick succession two of Peter Lorimer's shots at the goal.
{{editing exercise
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===32 million albums ===
The Association ranks her as the eighth-best-selling female artist in American music history, having sold 32 million albums in the US.
[Ambiguity is the issue.]
{{editing exercise
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===HMS ''Agincourt'' (1913) ===
As Brazil's relations with Argentina were warming and the country's economic boom was losing steam, the government negotiated with Armstrong to remove the third dreadnought from the contract.
{{editing exercise
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{{editing exercise
|1=Solution
|2=This is one of a number of possibilities for the "as"-as-causal meaning. It was suggested by [[User:SashaMarievskaya|SashaMarievskaya]] as an improvement to my previous offering. The causality is shifted into a new sentence: <font color=darkred>'''
If you want the "as" as at-the-same-time-as meaning, perhaps this:
<font color=darkred>'''While'''</font> Brazil's relations with Argentina were warming and the country's economic boom was losing steam, the government negotiated with Armstrong to remove the third dreadnought from the contract.
}}
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==Group 3==
===Ms Ima Hogg ===
Ima worked closely with architect John Staub to design the house so that it would show off the art the family had already purchased.
[Yes, parents can be cruel. Remove four words and change a fifth, to produce neater wording.]
{{editing exercise
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===Spouting water===
Concern over the spouting water potentially knocking people down made the design both a legal and a physical challenge.
[There are at least three issues! Stare at it before you access the hints below.]
{{editing exercise
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===Artificial turf did the trick===
Artificial turf was installed because it was easier to maintain than natural grass. The potential damage to a natural grass field caused by Seattle's frequent rain also made the surface an appropriate option.
{{editing exercise
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===Company threatens downloaders===
Odex sent letters of demand to people associated with IP addresses after sufficient downloading activity had been recorded.
[Just one issue. Can you see it before you click again?]
{{editing exercise
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===Totalitarian alarm===
The Soviets were as alarmed by the problem as their East German protégés.
[Just one issue. And in the context they're talking about the regimes of both countries.]
{{editing exercise
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Note that where it's "A plus B", as here, you can often do without the two "the"s (i.e. "Both the Soviet and the East German regimes ..."); binning pairs of "the" is surprisingly elegant and entirely grammatical.
[As an aside while
}}
===Nebulisers===
DPIs have many advantages over liquid nebulisers: the drug is more stable, dosing is rapid, the devices are less expensive, and can be manufactured in a disposable form.
{{editing exercise
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===''Jaws'', the film===
Chrissie Watkins, a 23-year-old woman, leaves an evening beach party to go skinny-dipping in the Atlantic Ocean, only to be dragged back and forth violently and then under the water.
[This is in the present tense because it's recounting the storyline.]
{{editing exercise
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==Group 4==
===''Windseeker''===
The main attraction will be a new 301-foot (92 m)-tall swing ride known as ''WindSeeker''.
{{editing exercise
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===Stone curtain wall===
The castle is oval, with an 11-metre (35 ft) wide stone curtain wall.
{{editing exercise
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===Castle===
The castle has been the subject of antiquarian studies since the 18th century, and it was originally thought to have been the ___location of an Iron Age hill fort.
{{editing exercise
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===William de Neville===
Buckton Castle was probably built by William de Neville, Lord of Longdendale, in the late 12th century; which would make it contemporary with other castles in Greater Manchester, such as Dunham and Stockport.
{{editing exercise
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===Cope versus Darwin===
Due to his background in taxonomy and paleontology, Cope focused on evolution in changing structural terms, rather than Darwin's emphasis on geography and variation within populations.
{{editing exercise
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{{editing exercise
|1=A solution
|2=Due to his background in taxonomy and paleontology, Cope <font color=red>'''focused on'''</font> evolution <font color=darkgreen>'''in terms of'''</font> changing <font color=red>'''structure'''</font>, rather than Darwin's <font color=red>'''strategy of emphasising'''</font> geography and variation within populations.
}}
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}}
===Record number of goals===
In 2009, he set a new OHL record for career goals as he finished the season with 215, two more than former record holder Peter Lee.
{{editing exercise
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===Three-blade turbines===
Three-blade turbines are the most common design for modern windmills, as the design minimises forces related to material fatigue.
[This is the caption to a picture of a three-blade wind turbine.]
{{editing exercise
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==Group 5: longer examples==
===St-Calais the rebel===
St-Calais continued to hold out in Durham, claiming he had never rebelled. When the king approached with an army, St-Calais agreed to come out, but only after receiving a safe conduct that would allow him to attend a trial while his men continued to hold the castle. From his actions, it appears likely that St-Calais did rebel, whatever his statements to the contrary, although northern chronicles maintained his innocence.
[There's just one issue; can you pinpoint it?]
{{editing exercise
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===Somerset===
[This example comes from
Agriculture continues to be a major part of the economy of Somerset. Apple orchards were once plentiful, and to this day the county is linked to the production of strong cider. The unemployment rate in the county is lower than the surrounding counties. The largest employment sectors are retail, manufacturing, leisure/tourism and health/social care.
[There are four issues.]
{{editing exercise
|1=
|2=*A wrong word.
*A problem of logic and of vagueness.
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{{editing exercise
|1=
|2=Agriculture continues to be a major part of the economy of Somerset. Apple orchards<font color=maroon> '''were once plentiful,''' </font> and to this day the county is <font color=darkgreen>'''linked to''' </font>the production of strong cider. The unemployment rate in the county is <font color=purple>'''lower than the'''</font> surrounding counties. The largest employment sectors are retail, manufacturing, <font color=chocolate>'''leisure/tourism''' </font>and <font color=chocolate>'''health/social'''</font> care.
}}
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*<font color=chocolate>'''The MoS breach:'''</font> Slashes are '''[[Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style#Slashes|usually avoided]]'''.
}}
===Jane Zhang===
Jane Zhang (born 11 October 1984) also known as Zhang Liangying is a Chinese pop singer who came to prominence when she placed third in the 2005 season of the Super Girl contest a national all female singing competition held in the People's Republic of China. Throughout the competition, she sang in English, Spanish and Cantonese in addition to Mandarin Chinese.
[There are seven issues.]
{{editing exercise
|1=
|2=*A word that is probably redundant.
*Missing commas (three could be added).
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{{editing exercise
|1=
|2=Jane Zhang (born 11 October 1984) also known as Zhang Liangying is a Chinese pop singer who came to prominence when <font color=dimgray>'''she placed''' </font>third in the 2005 season of the Super Girl <font color=darkgreen>'''contest''' </font> a national <font color=purple>'''all female'''</font> singing competition <font color=chocolate>'''held'''</font> in the People's Republic of China. <font color=teal>'''Throughout'''</font> the competition, she sang in English, Spanish and Cantonese in addition to Mandarin <font color=maroon>'''Chinese'''</font>.
}}
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===Steam locomotive technology===
Incorporating a number of new developments in steam locomotive technology, the ''Packets'' were amongst the first designs to utilise welding in the construction process, which meant that components could be more easily constructed during the wartime austerity and post war economy.
[There are six issues.]
{{editing exercise
|1=
|2=*An unnecessary repetition.
*A missing hyphen.
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{{editing exercise
|1=
|2=Incorporating a number of new developments in British steam locomotive technology, the ''Packets'' were <font color=teal>'''amongst'''</font> the first designs to <font color=chocolate>'''utilise'''</font> welding in the <font color=purple>'''construction'''</font> process, which meant that components could be more easily <font color=purple>'''constructed'''</font> <font color=darkred>'''during'''</font> the wartime <font color=darkred>'''austerity'''</font> and <font color=darkgreen>'''post war'''</font> economy.
}}
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*The comma after "process" is turned into a semicolon to enable the readers to pause and gather their thoughts momentarily; the next clause is turned into a grammatical sentence starting with "this", not "which". In any case, "which meant that" is clumsy; better to say it plainly.
*<font color=darkred>'''During austerity'''</font> isn't quite right, and the meaning is clearly that both the war ''and'' the post-war period involved economic austerity. We've presented one way of rewording, which would need to be confirmed by the FAC nominator.
*A user has suggested that "a number of" and "new" may be redundant. Removing "a number of" could
}}
===Chain-driven valve gear===
The locomotives also featured Bulleid's innovative, though controversial chain-driven valve gear and the inclusion of thermic syphons. The class members were named after the Merchant Navy shipping lines involved in the Battle of the Atlantic, and latterly those which used Southampton Docks, an astute publicity masterstroke by the Southern Railway, who operated Southampton Docks during the period.
[There are five issues.]
{{editing exercise
|1=
|2=*Three cases of redundant wording. Read the text as running on directly from the previous exercise.
*A clash between animate and inanimate entities.
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{{editing exercise
|1=
|2=The locomotives <font color=darkred>'''also'''</font> <font color=maroon>'''featured'''</font> Bulleid's innovative, <font color=darkgreen>'''though''' </font>controversial chain-driven valve gear and <font color=maroon>'''the inclusion of'''</font> thermic syphons. The class members were named after the Merchant Navy shipping lines involved in the Battle of the Atlantic, and latterly those which used Southampton Docks, an <font color=chocolate>'''astute publicity masterstroke'''</font> by the Southern Railway, <font color=purple>'''who'''</font> operated Southampton Docks during the period.
}}
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Nothing is wrong with the individual sentences in the next passage, but the ideas are poorly sequenced. The task is to re-arrange and knit together the existing sentences. To do the exercise, you'll just need to write a few numbers in sequence on a piece of paper, and to work out the best links between the logically sequenced ideas.
The actual cause of Poe's death remains a mystery. In the days after Poe's death in 1849, newspapers reported its cause as "congestion of the brain" or "cerebral inflammation", common euphemisms for deaths from disreputable causes such as alcoholism. Speculation has since included delirium tremens, heart disease, epilepsy and meningeal inflammation. From as early as 1872, cooping was commonly believed to have been the cause.
<div style="clear:both;" class="NavFrame collapsed">
<div class="NavHead" style="text-align:left; height:2em; font-size:100%;">
'What is the issue?
</div>
<div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left
*The order of the sentences will need to change, and some of the boundaries between them changed. We've numbered the ideas and presented them in the raw sequence.
# The actual cause of Poe's death remains a mystery.
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</div>
<div style="clear:both;" class="NavFrame collapsed">
<div class="NavHead" style="text-align:left; height:2em; font-size:100%;">
HINTS
</div>
<div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left
*There's a mystery before there's speculation.
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</div>
<div style="clear:both;" class="NavFrame collapsed">
<div class="NavHead" style="text-align:left; height:2em; font-size:100%;">
Solution
</div>
<div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left
The answer is:
*'''2.</br>
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*Always keep a look-out for repeated words that lie close together in the text—that is, unless they're ''necessary'' to pinpoint the same item for the reader (especially technical terms).
}}
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