User:Tony1/Advanced editing exercises: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 14:03, 8 November 2012

Latest revision as of 22:28, 10 August 2025

(17 intermediate revisions by 12 users not shown)

Line 2:

{{User:Tony1/Writing exercise box}}

'''Please note: the exercises are intended to be done in your mind; saving edits means the page has to be reverted.'''

Skilled editing is central to achieving high-quality Wikipedia articles. Each exercise below will present you with a portion of faulty text. It may contain problems of grammar, logic, cohesion, tone, lexical choice, punctuation or redundant wording. In some cases, there are breaches of Wikipedia's [[Manual of Style|Manual of style]].

Line 23 ⟶ 25:

{{editing exercise

|1=Hint 1

|2=*One puncuationtypographical issue.

*One issue concerning the "since" wording.

}}

Line 78 ⟶ 80:

{{editing exercise

|1=Hints

|2=*Is "were" still the right tense?

*Do you ''increase'' a welfare state?

}}

Line 91 ⟶ 93:

|2=The welfare state bit is only one way of clarifying it.

}}

===Committee grows tired of chairman===

Line 166 ⟶ 167:

That's enough thinking for now. Go have a rest, and come back tomorrow and do the next set.

==Group 2==

Line 307:

{{editing exercise

|1=Solution

|2=This is one of a number of possibilities for the "as"-as-causal meaning. It was suggested by [[User:SashaMarievskaya|SashaMarievskaya]] as an improvement to my previous offering. The causality is shifted into a new sentence: <font color=darkred>'''SinceWhile'''</font> Brazil's economy was losing steam, its relations with Argentina were warming. andThis theled country's economic boom was losingthe steam, theBrazilian government negotiatedto withrequest that Armstrong to remove the third dreadnought from the contract.

If you want the "as" as at-the-same-time-as meaning, perhaps this:

OR

<font color=darkred>'''While'''</font> Brazil's relations with Argentina were warming and the country's economic boom was losing steam, the government negotiated with Armstrong to remove the third dreadnought from the contract.

It could alternatively start with <font color=darkred>'''At the same time as'''</font>, which is slightly marked.

}}

Line 475 ⟶ 473:

Note that where it's "A plus B", as here, you can often do without the two "the"s (i.e. "Both the Soviet and the East German regimes ..."); binning pairs of "the" is surprisingly elegant and entirely grammatical.

[As an aside while wherewe're talking of equatives, let's decry this tired and cumbersome attempt at elegance: "Three earthquakes in as many months"; or the ludicrous example once heard on [[ABC Radio]] news: "One incident in as many months". Pffff.]

}}

===Nebulisers===

Line 644 ⟶ 641:

{{editing exercise

|1=A solution

|2=Due to his background in taxonomy and paleontology, Cope <font color=red>'''focused on'''</font> evolution <font color=darkgreen>'''in terms of'''</font> changing <font color=red>'''structure'''</font>, rather than Darwin's <font color=red>'''strategy of emphasising'''</font> geography and variation within populations.

}}

Line 651 ⟶ 648:

|2=This is only one way of doing it.

}}

===Record number of goals===

Line 730 ⟶ 726:

===Somerset===

[This example comes from thea lead, which provides a sequence of summary statements about the subsequent text in the article.]

Agriculture continues to be a major part of the economy of Somerset. Apple orchards were once plentiful, and to this day the county is linked to the production of strong cider. The unemployment rate in the county is lower than the surrounding counties. The largest employment sectors are retail, manufacturing, leisure/tourism and health/social care.

Line 746 ⟶ 742:

{{editing exercise

|1=Where isare the issues?

|2=Agriculture continues to be a major part of the economy of Somerset. Apple orchards<font color=maroon> '''were once plentiful,''' </font> and to this day the county is <font color=darkgreen>'''linked to''' </font>the production of strong cider. The unemployment rate in the county is <font color=purple>'''lower than the'''</font> surrounding counties. The largest employment sectors are retail, manufacturing, <font color=chocolate>'''leisure/tourism''' </font>and <font color=chocolate>'''health/social'''</font> care.

}}

Line 762 ⟶ 758:

*<font color=chocolate>'''The MoS breach:'''</font> Slashes are '''[[Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style#Slashes|usually avoided]]'''.

}}

===Jane Zhang===

Line 838 ⟶ 833:

*The comma after "process" is turned into a semicolon to enable the readers to pause and gather their thoughts momentarily; the next clause is turned into a grammatical sentence starting with "this", not "which". In any case, "which meant that" is clumsy; better to say it plainly.

*<font color=darkred>'''During austerity'''</font> isn't quite right, and the meaning is clearly that both the war ''and'' the post-war period involved economic austerity. We've presented one way of rewording, which would need to be confirmed by the FAC nominator.

*A user has suggested that "a number of" and "new" may be redundant. Removing "a number of" could emphasisemphasise the global significance of the developments: "a number of" seems to constrain the claim a little; I agree that in some circumstances, "a number of" is just clutter. "New developments" is probably not redundant, since it contrasts with existing or previous developments (which may not yet have been incorporated).

}}

===Chain-driven valve gear===

Line 889 ⟶ 883:

<div style="clear:both;" class="NavFrame collapsed">

<div class="NavHead" style="text-align:left; height:2em; font-size:100%;">

'What is the issue?

</div>

<div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;">

*The order of the sentences will need to change, and some of the boundaries between them changed. We've numbered the ideas and presented them in the raw sequence.

# The actual cause of Poe's death remains a mystery.

Line 915 ⟶ 909:

</div>

<div style="clear:both;" class="NavFrame collapsed">

<div class="NavHead" style="text-align:left; height:2em; font-size:100%;">

HINTS

</div>

<div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;">

*There's a mystery before there's speculation.

Line 928 ⟶ 922:

</div>

<div style="clear:both;" class="NavFrame collapsed">

<div class="NavHead" style="text-align:left; height:2em; font-size:100%;">

Solution

</div>

<div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;">

The answer is:

*'''2.</br>

Line 1,055 ⟶ 1,049:

*Always keep a look-out for repeated words that lie close together in the text—that is, unless they're ''necessary'' to pinpoint the same item for the reader (especially technical terms).

}}

--><noinclude>[[Category:User styleessays guideson style|Advanced editing exercises]]</noinclude>