Achewood and Carnival Cruise Line: Difference between pages

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{{Infobox Webcomic <!-- Part of [[Wikipedia:WikiProject Webcomics]] -->

| title = Achewood

| image = [[image:Achewood.gif]]

| caption =

| author = [[Chris Onstad]]

| url = http://www.achewood.com

| status = 3–4 times a week

| began = [[October 1]] [[2001]] [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=10012001]

| ended =

| genre = [[Comedy]]

| ratings =

}}

[[Image:Logo carnivalcruises.png|right|Carnival Cruise Lines logo.]]

'''''Achewood''''' is a [[webcomic]] created by [[Chris Onstad]]. It portrays the lives of a group of [[Anthropomorphism|anthropomorphic]] stuffed toys, [[robot]]s, and pets. Many of the characters live together in the home of their owner, Chris, at 62 Achewood Court, a fictional address. The events of the strip mostly take place in and around the house, as well as around the town of Achewood, the fictional suburb which gives its name to the comic and is likely a thinly-veiled [[Palo Alto, California]]. Notably, the comic's humor is [[Surreal humour|surreal]] and generally lacks a [[punch line]]. It is celebrated by readers for its unpredictable humor, strong characterization and distinctively voiced dialogue.

'''Carnival Cruise Lines''' ([[NYSE]]: [http://www.nyse.com/about/listed/lcddata.html?ticker=CCL CCL]) is a [[cruise line]] operating a large number of [[cruise ships]]. It originally was an independent company founded in [[1972]] by [[Ted Arison]]. It is now a branded division within [[Carnival Corporation & plc]], a publicly traded company with [[Micky Arison]] as the Chairman. Carnival Corporation & plc owns a number of different cruise lines and has become the largest corporation in the cruise industry. Carnival and its affiliates [[Holland America Line]], [[Princess Cruises]], [[Cunard Line]], [[Costa Cruises]] and the [[Seabourn Cruise Line|Yachts of Seabourn]], and (until early

==History and overview==

[[2007]] when they were sold off) Windstar Cruises; are branded by the company as the ''World's Leading Cruise Lines''.

{{original research}}

The first ''Achewood'' strip ("[http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=10012001 Philippe is standing on it]") was released on [[October 1]] [[2001]]. The strip sets the tone for the rest of the comic, with its nonsensical humor and surprising visual punchline. In this particular strip, [[#Cornelius Bear|Mr. Bear]] and [[#Téodor Orezscu|Téodor]] are discussing Téodor's confusion over a [[drum machine]]. Mr. Bear informs Téodor that there is an instruction manual. However, [[#Philippe|Philippe]] is standing on it.

Carnival was a pioneer in the concept of cheaper and shorter cruises. Its ships are known for their [[Las Vegas Strip|Las Vegas]]-style decor and entertainment. The line calls its ships ''The Fun Ships'' and there is a wide range of activities offered on board. Its trademark is the smoke stack, or [[Funnel (ship)|funnel]], which is red, white and blue and shaped like a whale's tail. The mascot for Carnival is "Fun Ship Freddy", a character in the shape of Carnival's distinctive funnel.

Throughout the rest of the comic, there is no distinguishable underlying storyline — aside, perhaps, for the general passing of time and development of the comic's characters and their interrelationships. Onstad's preferred method of story-telling is to develop his characters through one-off strips and short story arcs. Strips are humorous, relying upon inane and chaotic humor as well as social stereotypes, occasional burlesque literary and historical references, and strong characterization of the comic's many quirky individuals. As the humor often depends on an in-depth knowledge of the characters and their interactions, new readers may appreciate the series more if they start their reading earlier on in the series and progress chronologically from there.

In 1996 the ''[[Carnival Destiny]]'' of 101,000 gross tons became the largest passenger ship in the world at the time. As of 2007, the latest and largest ship in the Carnival Fleet is the [[Carnival Freedom]], a Conquest Class ship and Carnival's second ship to be based in Europe. The company announced three new ships in early 2007: the [[Carnival Splendor (ship)|Carnival Splendor]], to debut July 13, 2008, the [[Carnival Dream]], set to debut in October 2009, and the [[Carnival Magic]], set to debut in June 2011.

Chris Onstad has self-published [[#Bibliography|fourteen books]]: seven collections of Achewood comics, two books by character Nice Pete ("A Wonderful Tale" and "A Hilarious Comedy"), four [[zine|'zines]] by another named Roast Beef, and an Achewood cookbook with recipes from several of the main characters.

==Ships==

In the fall of 2002 ''Achewood'' 's "Sunday Edition" became part of the online [[alternative comics]] anthology [[Serializer]]. In their review of serializer.net, [[The Comics Journal]] wrote: "It's a pleasure to see strips like Achewood's "Sunday" strip ... use the newspaper format for far more daring, entertainingly perverse work ... would be perfectly at home at a good alternative weekly or a great college paper."

Here is the list of all Carnival cruise ships that either have been, are currently in, or will soon be in service, in chronological order:

===Pre-Holiday Class===

On [[April 30]] [[2003]], Onstad introduced a new feature to the ''Achewood'' universe — an advice column written by the character [[#Ray Smuckles|Ray]] called ''Ray's Place''. This column has served to further develop the Achewood canon by allowing prose related to the characters to be written. The column has developed characters, mainly as perceived by Ray. It also allows for an interaction between reader and character, a novelty in comic art.

* ''[[Apollon (ship)|Mardi Gras]] (Retired)''

* ''Carnivale (Retired)''

* ''[[Island Breeze (ship)|Festivale]] (Retired)''

* ''Tropicale'' (now ''[[Pacific Star (ship)|Pacific Star]]'')

===Holiday Class===

[[July 2004]] saw the introduction of several in-character [[blog]]s. The main characters all began writing (using [[blogger.com|Blogger]]) to speak to their audience. This unique perspective further advances character development allowing the daily, often mundane, events of the character to find their way to the audience. Onstad stated in an interview that he found the blogs easier to maintain than the strip, as they do not require as much refining. This method of breaking the [[fourth wall]] has been extended further with the opening of a forum [http://www.buyawhiteguyasubscriptiontoebony.org/forums/index.php?showforum=14] supposedly maintained by one of the characters, Emeril.

* {{flagicon|Bahamas}} ''[[Holiday (ship)|Holiday]]''

* ''Jubilee'' (now ''[[Pacific Sun (ship)|Pacific Sun]]'')

* {{flagicon|Panama}} ''[[Celebration (ship)|Celebration]]''

===[[Fantasy class|Fantasy Class]]===

In late 2004, it was announced that Checker Book Publishing Group was to release a a collection of ''Achewood'' comics later that year.<ref name="bostonherald">Perigar, Mark A. ([[August 13, 2004]], [[2004]]). "Checker-ed Past; Publisher keeps vintage, beloved works in print". ''[[The Boston Herald]]''. THE EDGE; Pg. e35</ref> Checker had signed Chris Onstad to a three-book deal that was to begin in [[November 2004]]. However, the deal was canceled soon after due to creative differences.

* {{flagicon|Panama}} ''[[Fantasy (ship)|Fantasy]]''

* {{flagicon|Panama}} ''[[Ecstasy (ship)|Ecstasy]]''

* {{flagicon|Bahamas}} ''[[Sensation (ship)|Sensation]]''

* {{flagicon|Bahamas}} ''[[Fascination (ship)|Fascination]]''

* {{flagicon|Bahamas}} ''[[Imagination (ship)|Imagination]]''

* {{flagicon|Bahamas}} ''[[Inspiration (ship)|Inspiration]]''

* {{flagicon|Panama}} ''[[MS Elation|Elation]]''

* {{flagicon|Panama}} ''[[MS Paradise|Paradise]]''

===Etymology[[Destiny Class]]===

* {{flagicon|Bahamas}} ''[[Carnival Destiny]]''

According to the official website, "achewood" was used by slaves during the [[United States|United States of America]] [[American Civil War|antebellum]] in the production of "achewater", a now outlawed Southern drink with psychedelic properties, similar to the use of wormwood in the production of absinthe. This liquor would induce melancholia in the drinker, hence the name. This etymology is fictitious.

* {{flagicon|Bahamas}} ''[[Carnival Triumph]]''

* {{flagicon|Panama}} ''[[Carnival Victory]]''

Two more ships of this class sail for Carnival's sister company [[Costa Cruises]], the [[Costa Fortuna]] and the [[Costa Magica]].

===[[Spirit Class]]===

Some fans speculate that the title is an allusion to [[A.A. Milne|A.A. Milne's]] [[Hundred Acre Wood]].

* {{flagicon|Panama}} ''[[Carnival Spirit]]''

* {{flagicon|Panama}} ''[[Carnival Pride]]''

* {{flagicon|Panama}} ''[[Carnival Legend]]''

* {{flagicon|Panama}} ''[[Carnival Miracle]]''

Two more ships of this class sail for Carnival's sister company [[Costa Cruises]], the [[Costa Atlantica]] and the [[Costa Mediterranea]].

===The[[Conquest UndergroundClass]]===

* {{flagicon|Panama}} ''[[Carnival Conquest]]''

The Achewood Underground is an underground version of the human city above, inhabited and run by animals both stuffed and real, as well as several robots (although their presence in The underground could be debatable). The underground has its own businesses and establishments that parallel those above ground, and its inhabitants often steal or borrow things from their human counterparts aboveground. Aside from Achewood, it is assumed that most cities around the world have their own undergrounds as well.

* {{flagicon|Panama}} ''[[Carnival Glory]]''

[http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10102003]

* {{flagicon|Panama}} ''[[Carnival Valor]]''

* {{flagicon|Panama}} ''[[Carnival Liberty]]''

* {{flagicon|Panama}} ''[[Carnival Freedom]]''

Three more ships similar to this class sail for or shall be sailing for Carnival's sister company [[Costa Cruises]], the [[Costa Concordia]], the [[Costa Serena]] and the [[Costa Luminosa]].

===Splendor Class===

== Characters ==

* {{flagicon|Panama}} ''[[Carnival Splendor]]''

{{spoiler}}

Even though this ship is actually a sister ship to all the ships in the Conquest Class, this ship is actually quite unique in the Carnival fleet, offering facilities other ships don't have. This is due to the fact that the ship was originally designed for Carnival's sister company [[Costa Cruises]]. Its inaugural voyage will be on 13 July 2008 from London (Dover), and will be Carnival's first of five voyages to Northern Europe.

===Future ships===

=== Raymond Quentin Smuckles ===

* {{flagicon|Panama}} '''''[[Carnival Dream]]''''' Expected to enter service in October 2009 with a gross tonnage of 130,000 and a passenger capacity of 3,652 making it Carnival's largest ship ever.

[[Image:Achewood ray.gif|left]]

* {{flagicon|Panama}} '''''[[Carnival Magic]]''''' Expected to enter service in June 2011.

==History in brief==

[http://raysmuckles.blogspot.com Ray's Blog]

===1970s===

* 1972 – Maiden voyage of Carnival’s first ship, the TSS Mardi Gras, which runs aground on sandbar outside the Port of Miami.

* 1975 – Carnival purchases Empress of Britain, enters service as the TSS Carnivale.

* 1978 – The Festivale, formerly the S.A. Vaal, undergoes $30 million refurbishment, begins service for Carnival as the largest and fastest vessel sailing from Miami to the Caribbean.

===1980s===

Ray Smuckles is a [[cat]] (more specifically, an [[American Curl]], a breed that, appropriately enough, originated from [[Lakewood]], California) with expertise in such diverse fields as [[Cooking|cookery]], [[alcohol]], underground street dancing, piano playing, [[entrepreneurship]], and [[woman|women]]. Ray made his first appearance on January 10, 2002. Along with his best friend Roast Beef, Ray is the central character of the strip; their relationship lies at the heart of Achewood. Ray can be identified by his designer glasses, a [[G-string|thong]], the occasional [[fur coat]], and a gold medallion which once belonged to the fictitious Incan Fun God, "[http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=06012005 King Chochacho]." Ray often speaks of his heritage: his mother's family, the Culpeppers, are French Catholic Southern gentry, while his father's, the Smuckles, are a diverse collection of tough, philosophical underworld characters (more below).

* 1982 – Debut of the Tropicale, the first new cruise ship the cruise industry had seen in many years; ship marks the beginning of an industry-wide multi-billion-dollar shipbuilding boom.

* 1984 – Carnival becomes first cruise line to advertise on network television with the premiere of new advertising campaign starring company spokesperson [[Kathie Lee Gifford]] (then Kathie Lee Johnson).

* 1985 – Debut of 46,052-ton Holiday

* 1986 – Launch of 47,262-ton Jubilee

* 1987 – The 47,262-ton Celebration enters service

* Carnival earns distinction as “Most Popular Cruise Line in the World,” carrying more passengers than any other.

* Carnival Cruise Lines undertakes its initial public offering on Wall Street, raising approximately $400 million to fuel future expansion; entity later becomes Carnival Corporation & plc, a multi-line worldwide cruise conglomerate.

===1990s===

Ray tends to be lucky, acquiring money in a variety of ways, including a record contract with Sony (after selling his soul to the devil for a piano that grants the buyer musical genius [http://achewood.com/?date=11042002]), an auspicious eBay purchase of vintage erotica valued at 600 million dollars, and various business ventures. Through eBay Platinum Reserve, he now owns [[Airwolf]], [[Keith Moon]]'s head, and the world's biggest laser. He enjoys throwing lavish parties with unusual themes. Ray drives a [[Cadillac Escalade]]. He is very generous to his friends and to people in general, but on an entirely random basis and interspersed with long periods of outright rudeness and total insensitivity. He also has a very serious obsession with [[Ketel One]] and zinfandel alcohols. Although Ray personally obtained his musical skills from a deal with the devil, we know there has been at least one other musical genius in his lineage, his paternal grandfather Antonyne Cheops Smuckles, better known as the legendary bluesman Rustmouth Chafings.

* 1990 – The 70,367-ton Fantasy – the first and namesake vessel in the highly successful “Fantasy-class” -- enters service as first new ship ever placed on three- and four-day Bahamas cruise program from Miami. Eventually, Carnival would construct eight “Fantasy-class” vessels, the most cruise ships in a single class.

* 1991 – Launch of 70,367-ton Ecstasy

* 1993 – Introduces its third 70,367-ton , Sensation

* 1994 – Debut of 70,367-ton Fascination

* Parent company renamed Carnival Corporation to distinguish between it and its flagship brand, Carnival Cruise Lines. Company is later renamed Carnival Corp. & plc following the combination with P&O Princess Cruises, creating the world’s largest cruise vacation group.

* 1995 – 70,367-ton Imagination enters service

* 1996 – Launch of sixth “Fantasy-class” vessel, the Inspiration

* Launches the first passenger vessel to exceed 100,000 tons, the 101,353-ton Carnival Destiny, at the time the world’s largest cruise ship

* 1998 – Introduces seventh “Fantasy-class” vessel, the Elation, the first new cruise ship deployed on the West Coast

* The eighth and last in the “Fantasy-class” series, the Paradise, enters service. Paradise was the first and only non-smoking cruise ship in the world.

* 1999 – Debut of the 102,000-ton Carnival Triumph, the second “Destiny-class” vessel

===2000s===

On the other hand, he has a weakness for gambling, and often loses up to thousands of dollars while playing golf and pool with his friends. Ray has a penchant for prank calls, whether outgoing ([[Marmaduke]], [[Cathy (comic strip)|Cathy]]) or incoming ([[Telemarketing|telemarketer]]s). He also has a sexual [[Fetishism|fetish]] for women sitting on birthday cakes, although recently he has shown to have lost interest, and become a 'breast man'. Ray drinks alcohol throughout the day; numerous strips imply that he is an alcoholic, and his physician, Dr. Andretti, has repeatedly warned him that he is in severe danger of becoming [[diabetes|diabetic]]. He recently learned his father, Ramses Luther Smuckles, won the 1973 Great Outdoor Fight, which inspired Ray to enter. Ray defeated all other entrants in the GOF except for Roast Beef (see below), and demolished the Fight grounds when he discovered that Fight regulations required that he beat Beef to unconsciousness in order to win.

* 2000 – A third “Destiny-class” vessel, the 102,000-ton Carnival Victory, is launched.

* 2001 – Introduces a new class of vessel with the launch of the 88,500-ton Carnival Spirit, the first new “Fun Ship” ever positioned in the Alaska and Hawaii markets. Also, [[Supermarket Sweep]] begins the Carnival Cruise Week. The catchphrase was: "Next time you're an [[ocean liner]] and you hear their beep &mdash; [a foghorn sounds] &mdash; think of all the fun you can have on ''Supermarket Sweep''!".

* 2002 – A second “Spirit-class” vessel, the Carnival Pride, is launched

* Carnival’s third “Spirit-class” ship, Carnival Legend, enters service

* Debut of the 110,000-ton Carnival Conquest, the largest “Fun Ship” ever constructed.

* 2003- Second 110,000-ton “Conquest-class” ship, the Carnival Glory, begins year-round seven-day cruises from Port Canaveral, Fla. on [[July 19]]

* 2004 – Carnival Miracle, the fourth in the “Spirit-class,” begins a series of 12 voyages from Jacksonville, Fla. – the first “Fun Ship” sailings from that port – [[February 27]]

* A third 110,000-ton “Conquest-class” ship, the Carnival Valor, begins year-round seven-day service from Miami [[December 19]], becoming the largest "Fun Ship" ever based at that port.

* 2005 – A fourth 110,000-ton “Conquest-class” vessel, Carnival Liberty, debuts [[July 20]], operating the line's first-ever [[Mediterranean]] cruises.

* 2007 - Carnival Freedom, the fifth 110,000-ton vessel, debuts [[March 4]]

* 2008 - The 112,000-ton Carnival Splendor is slated to debut [[July 13]]

* 2009 - Carnival Dream, a 130,000-ton vessel, to be the largest "Fun Ship" ever constructed - is scheduled to enter service in [[October]] <ref name="pressRelease" />.

* 2011 - Carnival Magic, a 130,000-ton vessel, currently scheduled to enter service in [[June]]

==Hurricane Katrina charters==

Ray also writes the advice column "[http://www.achewood.com/raysplace.php Ray's Place]" on the Achewood site, though there is a disclaimer at the bottom warning that the advice is in fact from a cartoon cat.{{clear}}

Three of the Carnival cruise ships were chartered by the United States government for six months to serve as temporary housing in the aftermath of [[Hurricane Katrina]]. The ''[[Holiday (ship)|Holiday]]'' was originally docked in [[Mobile, Alabama]] and later Pascagoula, MS, and the ''[[Ecstasy (ship)|Ecstasy]]'' and ''[[Sensation (ship)|Sensation]]'' were docked at [[New Orleans, Louisiana]]. The six-month contract cost $236 million. The contract was widely criticized because the vessels were never fully utilized, and Carnival received more money than it would have earned by using the ships in their normal rotation. <ref>[http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/09/27/AR2005092701960_pf.html $236 Million Cruise Ship Deal Criticized] &mdash; [[Washington Post]], [[September 28]], [[2005]]</ref> Carnival did not have the same fuel, entertainment, staffing, and other expenses they would have incurred had the ships been on their normal routes, but the line also did not receive revenues from on-board gambling, alcoholic beverages, and other product and service sales that would have been generated had the vessels been engaged in cruising.

==Gallery==

Ray was originally introduced as a minor supporting character, part of a trio of cats (along with Roast Beef and Pat) who were always seen together, and fancied themselves "the dirtiest dudes in town" due to their reputed penchant for foul language. As time passed, Onstad began to give the three cats individual personalities, and before long the focus of Achewood began to move away from the four stuffed animals living in the Onstad residence and onto Ray and Beef. The increasingly abrasive Pat remained in a supporting role, eventually turning the trio into a duo.

<gallery>

Image:Carnival ships in Cozumel.jpg|''[[Carnival Valor]]'' and ''[[Carnival Victory]]'' in [[Cozumel, Mexico]]

Image:Carnival Conquest cruiseship.jpg|''[[Carnival Conquest]]''

Image:Elationship.png|''[[MS Elation|Elation]]'' docked at Grand Turks & Caicos, B.W.I.

Image:Carnival_Liberty_20060426.jpg|''[[Carnival Liberty]]'', a [[Conquest class]] ship

</gallery>

http://www.cruisecritic.com/images/reviews/ships/carnivalfreedommain.jpg

==See also==

Ray is a member of a syndicate of other flamboyantly rich, jive-talking cats, including AKKOLADE and Bensington Butters, his rival. They spend their time on theme parties, weekend retreats and plotting to sabotage the other members' images.

*[[Carnival Air Lines]]

*[[Carnival Cruise Lines Tycoon]]

==References==

Ray also witnessed the possible death of the surreal performer [[Cartilage Head]], a lanky man with a skull-like, semi-malleable head, after being invited to dine with the performer after the show ended (Ray had hesitantly received his ticket from Roast Beef, and was seemingly the only member of the audience), where when attempting to mold his head he instead pushed too far and snapped it. Witnessing this, Ray fled from the room and jumped out a nearby window, where he found and drove off in an old [[Model-T]] belonging to Cartilage Head. Following directions inside Cartilage Head's wallet, Ray drives to 921 Elden and enters the building, where his photo is taken and he falls unconscious. He wakes up the next morning to find a small photo holder on himself with a card inside with his frightened picture and text reading "I Proved Myself A Coward Who Would Desert A Dying Man."

<div class="references-small"><references/></div>

==External links==

=== Cassandra "Roast Beef" Kazenzakis ===

* [http://www.carnival.com/ Carnival Cruise Lines website]

[[Image:Achewood roast beef.gif|left]]

* [http://www.carnivalconnections.com/ Carnival Connections - Cruise Reviews, Tips, and Forums]

[http://rbeef.blogspot.com/ Roast Beef's Blog]

Roast Beef (first name, [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=12022002 Cassandra] — Roast Beef was born [[Intersexuality|intersex]]ed), a cat, is interested in [[computer programming]] and has a girlfriend Molly formerly in [[heaven]], where he visited her twice: once after being shot by Pat and once after driving a [[golf cart]] off a cliff while high on [[Cannabis (drug)|marijuana]] [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06272003]. Molly now lives on Earth, and is now in a relationship with Beef (as those who know him call him).

It seems that Roast Beef has had a desperately unhappy and impoverished childhood. [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=06302005] [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=07222005] [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=04192005] He has seemingly incurable [[clinical depression|depression]] and/or [[Avoidant personality disorder]], and considers [[suicide]] often, though no one seems to care. Recently however, his depression seems to have improved, particularly since meeting Molly. For a long time he lived in a trailer with his abusive grandmother, Gramma K. Recently, he has moved out of the trailer and into Ray's pool shed. His [[speech balloon]]s use a slightly smaller font than that of other characters and rarely include [[punctuation]], to emphasize his timidity and unique manner of speech. Roast Beef sometimes sports an impressive vocabulary and will, on occasion, sprinkle words such as "insatiable" or "phenomena" into his normally slang filled dialogue.

He has been shot at least four times. One shooting [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=09162002 lodged a bullet in his spine], which grants him permanent [[Wi-Fi|wireless Internet]] access (though this has only been mentioned once [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=09232002] since, and he still uses physical computers to access the net). Another shooting resulted in his cardio-pulmonary system being replaced by that of an [[AIBO]]. He has also been shot at least one additional time by Ray and [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=06032004 once fatally by Lie Bot] (who was masquerading as Ray's uncle Culpepper).

Roast Beef's birthday is [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=04222002 April 22nd]. Some of his accomplishments include a [[Computer program|program]] that determines how many eggs and how much milk you need to buy in a given week, and another that determines the amount of loose change lying around your house and makes a reservation at a restaurant accordingly. He is perhaps the world's greatest historian of the Great Outdoor Fight, and drove Ray to compete (and win) in the 2006 Fight. He also managed to get into the fight himself by hacking the fight's [[database]]. He drives a 1965 [[Ford Galaxie]] (powered by Ford's rare [[Ford FE engine#427 SOHC|427 SOHC V8]]) that was a gift from Ray. He has also gone to the moon, by stealing Pat's home-made rocket, and to the afterlife, via various methods including vomiting into an [[Domestic AC power plugs and sockets|electrical outlet]]. He has also produced his very own [[zine]], titled ''Man Why You Even Got To Do A Thing''.

Roast Beef has written a number of poems, both in the strip and on his blog. A recurrent theme involves concealed weapons disguised as foodstuffs, and these conclude with a (presumably screamed) 'OHHH SHIIIT!' Poems not utilising the theme of weapons in food do not correlate with the above explanation, indicating that Roast Beef has a distinct fear of the hidden weapons.

According to [http://www.brianmpalmer.com/onstad.htm Onstad], Roast Beef is one of several important [[foil (literature)|foils]] to the increasingly central character of Ray. Ray's consistent optimism, sexual bravado, unwavering confidence, privileged upbringing, simple attitudes, and good luck makes him seem on the surface a complete antithesis of character to Roast Beef. Regardless, the two have been close friends since childhood, and it may be observed that as the strip progresses, each occasionally adopts the attitudes and perspectives of the other. The two do, of course, have a few points of dissent: Roast Beef is somewhat more sympathetic to Little Nephew than his Uncle Ray, and has taken issue with Ray's alcoholism.

{{clear}}

=== Philippe ===

[[Image:Achewood philippe.gif|left]]

[http://philippesblog.blogspot.com Philippe's Blog]

Philippe is a naïve young otter who resides in the house with Cornelius Bear, Lyle and Téodor, as well as Chris and Chris's family. His housemates collectively raise him with [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10192005 varied success], with Téodor acting as a nurturing mother, Lyle as a neglectful big brother, and Mr Bear as a stern but gentle father.

He is separated from his mother, who lives in an undisclosed ___location, but they talk on the phone frequently and have a close relationship. As is the case with Roast Beef, Philippe's father is deceased. From time to time Philippe's mother sends him [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06102002 unusual presents].

Though he is five, Philippe has had an exciting life. He has [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02042002 made friends with a french fry], [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10152002 been married to a flower], had a frightening encounter with a serial killer (Nice Pete), been [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07222002 possessed] by the soul of [[Billy Idol]], [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01292004 run for president], and [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12042002 accidentally killed a robot]. Phillipe recently became a 'father' to a bird named Franky. Philippe's birthday is on [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=08222005 August 22nd].

Philippe enjoys hugs and is very [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05022002 gullible]. Inspired by poster images of the Soviet era, Philippe recently decided to join the [[Communist party]], but then lost interest when the poster was replaced with one of the band [[Arcade Fire]], which he took literally.

Phillippe has the strange talent of easily coming up with [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=09182006 polyglot palindromes], phrases that are English in one direction and another language when reversed.{{clear}}

Phillippe has a bad habit of over-glamourizing presents he receives, and becomes disappointed when he opens them.

=== Cornelius Bear ===

[[Image:Achewood cornelius.jpg|left]]

[http://corneliusbear.blogspot.com Cornelius's Blog]

Most often referred to as Mr. Bear, he is a scholarly and fatherly figure to much of the cast, being much older than most of them - he was married to his first (now deceased) wife, Iris Gambol, sometime before 1967. [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=06092006] He is unafraid to enjoy a good drink, and tends to be more erudite and romantic than the rest of the cast. It has also been implied that he has been imprisoned, and has had German, French and Austrian cellmates[http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=06132006].

Mr. Bear is also the [[author]] of several [[Children's literature|children's books]] including "So Many Whales", "The Mayor of Banana Town," and — during a somewhat later and darker period — "Janet: The Girlfriend Who Could Only Ever Complain" and "Chug-A-Lug: The Train Who Drinks". He wears [[pince nez]] and is most often attired in an elegant dressing gown.[http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=12042001] Although originally from [[Cambridge]] [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=09092003] he now lives at 62 Achewood Ct. Recently, he was shot by Pat, but survived. During his recovery, he spent his time writing eloquent closed captions for the [[Spice Network]]. Mr. Bear has been seen driving an [[Mini|Austin Mini]] with the driver's seat on the right-hand side, indicating it was originally sold in [[Britain]].

Mr. Bear seems to command respect from nearly every member of the cast — with the noteworthy exception of the brash and petulant Lyle. This can be seen in almost every strip in which they both appear. [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=01042002][http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06052003] [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09022003] [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11042003]

Despite a reputation for class, Mr. Bear seems to have low standards when it comes to employment. At various times, he has been a writer of [[Romance novel|genre romance novels]][http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=04262004], a closed captioner for the Spice Channel [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=12152004] and a paid lecturer for [[Mensa International]][http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=06302006]. More recently Cornelius has become the proprietor of an English pub, a joint venture between himself and Ray. The naming of said pub has been the subject of much deliberation between the two characters although at the time of writing it was designated "The Dude and Catastrophe" [http://corneliusbear.blogspot.com/2006/10/pub-name-backpedal.html].{{clear}}

=== Lyle Gabriel ===

[[Image:Achewood lyle.png|left]]

[http://lyle151.blogspot.com Lyle's Blog]

A belligerent stuffed tiger who enjoys [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09192003 playing pranks on his friends] and takes his alcohol [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12202001 early and often]. He is a talented [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05302002 calligrapher] and [[Cosmetology|cosmetician]] [http://rbeef.blogspot.com/2004/07/got-haircut-today.html] [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=07232004], and apparently knows something about [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05122004 cars]. Lyle has a mysterious, [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09162003 possibly criminal], [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=06052002 possibly tragic] past. For a time he also was employed helping recent Male to Female [[transsexuals]] "become sexually active and confident in their new bodies" [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=04252005]. He has also become involved in [[pornography]]. He recently returned from [[Scotland]] where he meant to learn how to make [[scotch]], but instead became trapped at a [[finishing school]]. He lives at 62 Achewood Court. He's also often seen wearing a [[The Misfits|Misfits]] T-shirt.{{clear}}

=== Téodor Orezscu ===

[[Image:Achewood teodor.gif|left]]

[http://orezscu.blogspot.com Téodor's Blog]

Téodor is a teddy bear, as evidenced by [http://www.achewood.com/about.php his portrait]. He and his family originate from Minsk, [[Belarus]] (his father was an [[actuary]]). Though he is Belarusian, the name Orezscu seems to be Romanian in origin. He is a skilled cook, musician and [[graphic design]]er, and is also an all around friendly guy. He was originally quite crazy and uninhibited, exhibiting [[Clothes free movement|nudist]] tendencies in early Achewood strips, though he seems to have calmed down a bit over the years. These days he's probably the most "normal" out of the entire Achewood cast, though he is definitely not without quirks of his own (such as his passion for [[risotto]]). Mostly he hangs around the house watching porn with Lyle. He had an [[Internet romance|online relationship]] with a girl named Penny, but we never really see where that ended up. He is a close friend of Philippe and keeps him out of trouble. He has appeared in numerous strips recreationally using marijuana and seems to also be a user of [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=10042001 psychedelic mushrooms]. Téodor's birthday is in [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=10022001 early October]. Lie Bot predicted his death to be on April 28, 2005. As it happens, Téodor ''did'' die on April 28 [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=04282005], after he choked on a [[Grolsch]] bottle cap whilst watching ''BREAST ATTACK ON FUCK MOUNTAIN''. However, Lyle [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=05022005 performed] a "Longshoreman's [[abdominal thrusts|Heimlich]]" (swift kick to the gut), which dislodged the cap and revived him.

=== Pat Reynolds ===

[[Image:Achewood pat.gif|left]]

[http://journeyintoreason.blogspot.com Pat's Blog]

Pat is one of the three original cat characters, along with Roast Beef and Ray. Over the years his role has receded into the background, but his is still a formidable presence. He is generally unpleasant — he typically plays the antagonist — and seems to hate anyone that does not live up to his impossibly high standards of behavior. He seems to suffer from [[Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder]] and has some [[anger management]] problems, for which he attends a support group. Raymond's mother revealed that Pat also suffers from [[Crohn's disease]], though this could be attributed to some slight senility of hers.

Pat's interests in [[Veganism]], [[Zen|Zen Buddhism]] and his unusual stances on various social issues seem to be driven less by an appreciation of the philosophies, but more by a desire to feel superior to his friends, and indeed the rest of the world. He will often boycott companies at the slightest perceived provocation; for example, he claims to have stopped buying [[Kleenex]] brand tissues after he accidentally pulled three tissues out of a box instead of one, and stopped shopping at [[Whole Foods Market|Whole Foods]] because of disgust with a female employee's visible armpit hair. His elitist, negative attitude extends to a particular focus on barbers and hairstylists, as well as toll booth operators, Mexican motorists [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=12022004], and employees with disabilities [http://journeyintoreason.blogspot.com/2004/07/people-allow-worst-things-about.html].

Pat constructed the rocket that Roast Beef stole and rode to the [[Moon]]. He is on the run after escaping from jail (he was convicted for shooting Roast Beef, and later shot Mr Bear too, probably by accident [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=11222004]), but it doesn't seem to have affected his lifestyle due to Ray's connections getting him off the hook. He lives quite comfortably on the lam with "Nice Pete," a serial killer he met in jail. Interestingly, given recent speculation about Pat's sexuality, Nice Pete also attends his support group, implying that the two are quite close. He drives a [[Ford Mustang|Ford Mustang II]], and his favorite movie is [[Memento (film)|Memento]]. After being electrocuted due to a prank by Lyle and Philippe, he temporarily became much nicer [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=09242003].

Pat disowned his entertainer father, Simon Reynolds, when the latter declared he was a homosexual [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=08022006]. Simon has made efforts to reconcile with his son, which Pat has disgustedly repulsed [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=08122005]. The entire topic of his father is off limits to Pat, suggesting repression issues. The comic has hinted at this complexity of his character for some time (e.g. [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=07082005]). Recently, his latent homosexuality was forced out into the open with the discovery of a magical Mexican camera [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=07312006] that depicts a person as how they feel about themselves, rather than an actual photo of the person. Both Pat and his father are homosexual due to the curse of Gladdington castle [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=08072006], wherein an ancestor of theirs was cursed such that all of his sons and their sons thereafter would become homosexual at the age of 26.

=== Molly Sanders ===

[[Image:Achewood molly.gif|left]]

[http://mollysanders.blogspot.com Molly's Blog]

A cat, and Roast Beef's on-and-off girlfriend. Molly was born in seventeenth-century Wales. She died in the wreck of the ''Gwynqeathe'' and went to Heaven, where she was able to keep up on developments in the living world and become interested in modern technology. [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=01232007] Roast Beef first met her in Heaven after being shot by Pat. Molly now resides on Earth, living in the pool shed with Roast Beef. Roast Beef's lack of social skills often means their relationship is strained, but Molly's extraordinary patience and tolerance (and Beef's willingness to go along with her sexual adventurousness) often win out. Molly may have been a [[programmer]] while in Heaven (presumably self-taught), but since she died long before computers and coding were invented she has no "earthly" qualifications as such. She has been currently working in the service industry since coming back to life; she has implied in her blog that she is unable to get better work because she does not have a social security card [http://mollysanders.blogspot.com/2005/01/nowhere-to-go-but-wendys.html]. This is perhaps due to the fact that she is legally dead. She has held jobs at various bars and restaurants, including [[Applebee's]], [[Taco Bell]] (from which she was fired), and The Smoke (a local bar in the underground). For a time, Molly worked at an "upscale tex-mex place" called Butte, until a fire forced its closure. Molly [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=01202005 was involved in] sandwich porn for Vlad when she worked at his Subway restaurant. Molly has now secured a job at [[Starbucks]] which she claims makes her "the hub of Achewood's social universe." She has been running the "Achewood A-List" off and on since December 2005 (officially named on December 19, 2005 [http://mollysanders.blogspot.com/2005/12/achewood-list-for-december-19-2005.html]). {{clear}}

===Minor characters===

;AKKOLADE: A cat, who with Bensington Butters and Ray is a member of the syndicate.

;Dr. Andretti: A cat and one of the Achewood underground's foremost [[physician]]s. He was responsible for bringing Roast Beef back from the dead on more than one occasion. Dr. Andretti has an unfortunate habit of entering occupied bathrooms without knocking.

;Andy: Another robot, basically just a box with legs. Apparently he doesn't like to hang out at Vlad's place too often and owns a red [[Fender Stratocaster]] which Vlad finds corny.

;Arthur: A cat who is part of Pat's anger management class; wears star-shaped glasses. Seems overly enthusiastic about most things and is now verifiably [[gay]].

;Barry Bass: A fish who complains a lot.

;Bensington Butters: A cat, who with AKKOLADE and Ray is a member of the syndicate. Bensington Butters was responsible for the Magreaux Dog prank that had Ray fearing for his life. He drives a red Bentley with the tag "CAVIAR" and prefers Hanna-Barbera to Disney. He has also recently been discovered to have [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=09252006 less-then-refined manners]. During a bizarre adventure with Ray he saw the precise moment of his death and became catatonic, but this was remedied by wiping his memory and making him believe he was a [[Michael Flatley]]-like Irish dancer.

;Blister: The ghost of Todd the Squirrel's old friend Blister, [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=12212001 back from the afterlife] for reasons he does not remember. Blister speaks many languages, but not Chinese.[http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=02212002] Blister's dialogue is in [[all caps]] and usually devoid of punctuation.

;Cartilage Head: A nightclub performer whose antiquarian [[vaudeville]] act showcases his apparent lack of bones, possibly based on [[Valentin le Désossé]], "the boneless man," who was a performer at the [[Moulin Rouge]]. After a performance, Cartilage Head tricked Ray into [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=09202005 abandoning him as he lay dying]. In the end, however, it was only to photograph him with the caption "I proved myself a coward who would desert a dying man."

;Chris Onstad ([http://chrisonstad.blogspot.com Blog]): Creator of the Achewood strips. Though not a comic strip character in the strictest sense, he has appeared in at least three comic strips (from the neck down) and seems to be able to communicate with the stuffed animals and cats that make up the Achewood cast. (Sometimes [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09012005 by telephone], when serving as Roast Beef's publisher.) During the '05 holiday season, he [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=12212005 cajoled a naked and sleepless Teodor] into helping him pack Achewood merchandise for shipping. Chris's birthday is [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=06132003 June 14th].

;Charley "Little Nephew" Smuckles ([http://charleysmuckles.blogspot.com Blog]): Ray's nephew, often at odds with Ray. Little Nephew is very impressionable. At one time a [[hip hop music]]ian [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=10142003] (creating the album ''Fuck... Algebra!'' [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=05022003]), he has proven to be even more impressionable than his tender years would suggest. At one point, he began imitating his uncle Marion, and later became a [[Goth subculture|goth]] [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=06292004]. It is assumed that he is no longer part of the goth clique as his recent blog entries have returned to pre-gothic levels of crassness. Little Nephew has most recently been seen selling [[Joint (cannabis)|joints]] in competition with Lyle and Ray. He has expressed interest in pursuing a relationship with Molly, without success. Until recently, he worked at Starbucks with her. He is currently employed as a delivery boy by "Colonel Luigi's", a fusion pizza place notable for the half Italian, half Chinese heritage of the proprietor, Luigi Wong.

;Chucklebot: A robot who specializes in making people chuckle. During Téodor's party early in the comic, Chucklebot admitted to be gay. This has been the cause of mockery from Lie Bot in subsequent performances, though Chucklebot is a fair match for him.

;Emeril LeGoinegasque and Robert L. "Spongebath" Dane ([http://emerillg.blogspot.com Emeril's Blog]): Two cats that Ray and Beef seem to be familiar with. Emeril is basically a cat that looks like [[Emeril Lagasse]]. In the [[Alt attribute|alt-text]] of a 2004 [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=06032004 strip], it was suggested that Emeril is a [[Melungeon]]. His speech appears to follow the syntax of a bastardized [[Middle English]]. Spongebath is a rather large cat that doesn't seem to do or say much and gets around by means of what appears to be a scooter. They are fans of The Tenmen, a musical group made up of cats with [[Rickenbacker]] musical equipment (even the drum). On recycling day, they like to go [[trashspotting]] with Roast Beef.

;Leo Fontanette: A cat of Italian origin ("Fontanettini") who owned the Caddy dealership over in Pintado, and went to the same gym as Ray. When Leo and Beef met during Beef's first visit to the gym, Beef broke the code of the establishment and committed a major faux pas by complimenting Leo on his "rockin'" thighs. Shortly thereafter, Leo drove his car into a cornfield in a fit of rage (while cursing Ray and Beef), and died there from a heart attack.

;Leon Sumbitches: Dr. Leon Adoso Sumbitches ([[International Phonetic Alphabet|IPA pronunciation]]: {{IPA|[su:m 'bæ tʃæ]}}), AKA Brian Wheat, is, according to a fictitious Wikipedia article appearing in the March 15, 2007 strip, the heir to the "legendary Adoso family oil fortune." He is also the composer of [[uncyclopedia:Gravity Train|Gravity Train]], a song about the struggles he feels as an old man approaching his final days. Dr. Sumbitches contacted Ray on March 5, 2007, in an attempt to expatriate some portion of the family's fortune, a scheme highly resonant of many [[Nigerian email]] scams. When Sumbitches discovered the truth about Ray's tongue-in-cheeck responses concerning opening an African [[burrito]] chain, he told him personally about his disappointment and informed him that he had just lost the opportunity of inheriting part of the fortune.

;Lie Bot: A robot that tells lies much of the time. He intersperses snippets of truth as well, so it can be hard to tell when he is actually lying — in fact, despite his name and knowledge of previous lies, the non-robot characters invariably believe him. His attitude moves from playfully cynical to displaying actual evil intent (While masquerading as Ray's Uncle Culpepper, he steals Ray's girlfriend and shoots Roast Beef). Phillipe is often the main victim of his lies. A running joke of the series features Phillipe asking Lie Bot what the saddest thing in the world is, only to be horrified by his answers.

;Michael "Showbiz" Kazenzakis: Roast Beef's deadbeat twin brother, he is identical to Roast Beef but with hair pulled back into a ponytail. He and Ray seem to have also been friends during childhood, spending much of their time making up cocktails. He is perpetually in deep debt to the [[Rockford Fosgate]] Company, a car-audio manufacturer, despite his lack of a car. Showbiz tends to be unwilling or unable to hold down a steady job, generally working as a dishwasher or similar unskilled position although he occasionally panhandles.

;Milklin Honniker: A cat who has had an unfortunate time attempting to sell things door to door (car seat covers, bird roasters, Jehovah's Witnesses membership, and books for children in "nontraditional family situations"). Most recently he was trying to convince Roast Beef to become a Jehovah's Witness. Ray decided to give him business advice, which Milklin gladly followed. He took out an ad in "Reminiscence" Magazine[http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10132005].

;Peter H. "Nice Pete" Cropes ([http://peterhcropes.blogspot.com Blog]): A cat, Nice Pete is a convicted [[Felony|felon]], a [[sex offender]] and a serial [[murder]]er. His motherless upbringing in rural West Virginia was highly dysfunctional and Onstad's strips about Nice Pete are done in the style of [[William Faulkner|Faulkner]]. He was once cellmates with Pat. In person he tends to be quite pleasant, though temperamental. He has written several pieces of [[Bible]] [[fan fiction]], and is currently working on a [[novel]] consisting of several short chapters which can be read in his blog, and [http://www.achewood.com/shop/books_awt.php is now for sale]. He is available for services involving self-mutilation, for a price. Apparently lives with Pat. Brain and butt cheeks were "hella stabbed" by a USB vegetable cutter. He drives a 1961 Ford Econoline with a manual transmission, which he has used to kill his dentist.

;Penny: A woman with whom Téodor had an online relationship. The two have never actually met, though Penny did give Téodor what appears to be a sweater with the letter 'T' on it. He wears the sweater in almost every strip in which he appears.

;Philippe's Mother: A river otter, probably stuffed, who is Philippe's mother. She has a habit of sending Philippe various things mostly having to do with how Philippe is a "Special Boy." Is a widow and seeing someone new, much to Philippe's dismay, and was also hit on by Vlad at one point. A guest strip by Drew Weing depicting the "filming" of Achewood revealed her to be an abusive "Mommy Dearest" type stage mother; it was given high praise by Onstad but was never firmly established to be [[canon (fiction)|canon]]. According to Philippe in The Achewood Cookbook, she lives somewhere in Iowa.

;Ramses Luther Smuckles: Ray's father. Champion of [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=01272006 the 1973 Great Outdoor Fight] under the pseudonym Rodney Leonard Stubbs. Called "The Man With The Blood On His Hands", and [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=02032006 "the Thomas Edison of handing a dude his ass"] because of his unparalleled original fighting style, which included at one time throwing a beer through someone's entire head. Son of legendary bluesman Antonyne Cheops "Rustmouth Chafings" Smuckles, who died at Ramses' wedding.

;Simon Reynolds: Pat's father, a friendly bohemian children's entertainer. Years ago, Pat performed with him in an act known as "Dreamwheel and the Child", but once Simon came out as a homosexual Pat rejected him, forcibly moving him to Portland, Oregon. Simon traces his sexual orientation back to the story of the Gladdington Castle curse of 1328, where the King of England, with his dying breath, condemned the entire male lineage of the Reynolds family to become homosexual upon turning 26. He reappeared in Achewood to help his son adjust to the effects of the curse, with relative success, but Pat seems no more accepting of his father than before, instantly criticising him for being a poor representative of the homosexual community. Simon's lover is a man named Marcel.

;Sondra Smuckles: Raymond's mother. Her speech is often peppered with gentle admonitions of her son, advice on manners, and [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=01182006 bizarre folk wisdom].

;Syndicate, the: A group of animal entrepreneurs, including Ray Smuckles, Bensington Butters, and AKKOLADE, although there are possibly more. Each member of the group tries to outdo the others by performing more and more outrageous publicity stunts, although there is a fair share of underhanded tricks and pranks as well, in order to shake up opposition.

;The Tenmen: A local three-piece band. Made up of black cats and playing exclusively Rickenbacker instruments, the Tenmen have played local bars, Ray's parties, and the Great Outdoor Fight. Roast Beef is a huge fan, although Ray, apparently, is not.

;Tina: A cat with whom Ray has an on-again, off-again relationship. For a time, Tina lived with Molly, who considered her to be "the very definition of [[lowest common denominator]]." Tina's birthday is [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=03012002 March 2nd], though she'd have [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=09262002 another one at September 26th] as far as Ray's concerned.

;Trouble Man and No-No: Two ghastly characters who are the last ones left in Heaven when Roast Beef arrives[http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=06142004], everyone else having been consumed by an apartment fire and sent back to earth. They are commissioned by Roast Beef to perform the "murder act" on him in order to return to Earth.

;Todd Todd Todd Todd Todd T. Squirrel: Todd is an illiterate, drug-dealing, often violent squirrel. His illiteracy has probably led him to be one of the few recurring characters to not have a blog. He is a heavy drug user (and dealer), and has a characteristic stuttering problem. He drives a miniature squirrel-sized [[van]][http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=11212001], and is friends with Philippe. He put on some weight during a stint in prison[http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=01122005] but then lost the weight from having sex [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07192006]. Todd purportedly came into being when a stork dropped a burrito into a volcano[http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=11292005]. 100 minutes later, Todd emerged, not knowing who he was. The stork, thinking that Todd had eaten the burrito, called Todd an "asshole" and a "jerkwad". Todd took this as an explanation of who he was, and consequently became a jerkwad. He then strangled the stork, whose lifeless body morphed into Todd's van. Todd died in November 2006 after forgetting to store food for the winter because he was busy watching ''America's Funniest Home Videos'' [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=11092006] but he later came back to life after serving a mandatory three month stint in heaven [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=02082007]. Todd T Squirrel is mentioned as having died before by being run over by a car in the story arc Ray Goes To Hell so dying may be a regular occurrence for him [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12222003].

;Ultra Peanut: A young female river otter who comes from [[China]]. [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03202002 Her English is improving],. She seems to be fond of Philippe, (who Teodor introduced her at a party he hosted) but also somewhat patronizing and amused by his naivete. She has a small [[digital pet]] called Click Robot which, as Philippe discovered, dies if it goes to the bathroom too much.

;Uncle (Marion Adonis) Culpepper: Raymond's effete Southern gentleman uncle, likely modeled after a [[Mark Twain]] character type. He visits Ray after losing his fortune in a [[dot-com]] venture, one in which buyers would pay a fee to have their image photomanipulated to make them appear pregnant. He was ostensibly shot by Ray after an altercation over an affair between Culpepper and Tina.[http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=06042004] [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=06012004] Following the incident, it was discovered that [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=06072004 it was rather Lie Bot who had been shot], while impersonating Uncle Culpepper, making much of what we know about him suspect.

;Vlad: A robot and [[womanizer]]. He has a strong [[Eastern Europe]]an accent, and is apparently Ukrainian. Though his current occupation is unknown, he was once proprietor of one of at least three [[Subway (restaurant)|Subway]] sandwich shops in the Achewood underground. He once made a pass at Philippe's mother over the phone. He maintains a friendship with the other robot characters of the strip, and has been known to give advice on women. He drives a fairly rare 1967 Datsun 521 pickup truck.

;Waterbury: Ray's former butler, hired by Ray based on a suggestion by [[Bono]]'s butler. Born in London and formerly employed by James Brown, he also works for a clandestine British government agency. While working for Ray, he had the misfortune of discovering [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=08022004 Ray's somnambulistic and somnonanistic tendencies.]

;Zell and Cory: Two blind, horribly burned indigents of indeterminable species; one is confined to a wheelchair due to lack of legs while the other seems to be incapable of speaking. They suffered their injuries when the Lakeshore flophouse burned down in 2002. They have mentioned that they collect things, though exactly what it is they collect remains to be seen. It has been suggested that whatever they collect should probably not be placed in one's mouth. They are described as bearing fourth-degree burns from the fire and thus only leave their abandoned railway tunnel home on moonless nights to do their "collecting".

== Other features ==

Achewood has other peripheral, updated features. One is a collection of [[blog]]s written by some of the comic's characters.

Ray Smuckles periodically responds to readers' requests for advice in a column.

Also, Chris Onstad - creator and sometimes character in his own comic - maintains a feature called [[User:Prell/Current toddler status (Achewood)|Current toddler status]], in which he documents the joys and travails of raising his daughter.

== Bibliography ==

*''Volume I — A Momentary Diversion on the Road to the Grave''

*''Volume II — Worst Song, Played on Ugliest Guitar''

*''Volume III — The Devil's Dictionary''

*''Volume IV — Ten a.m. and Drunk as a Lord''

*''Volume V — An Empty Cup of Rum''

*''Volume VI — The Dude Is From Circumstances''

*''Volume VII - Kiss My Ass, Bitch. I'll Be At Duane's''

*''The Achewood Cookbook''

*''Nice Pete's A Wonderful Tale''

*''Nice Pete's A Hilarious Comedy'

*''Roast Beef's Man Why You Even Got To Do A Thing, Nos. 1, 2, 3, 4''

== Miscellaneous ==

* Chris Onstad participated in [[Song Fight!]] by creating cover art and title for "What We Need More of is Science", "Red Skates", and "Livin' At The Corner Of Dude And Catastrophe." The first title originated as a Roast Beef expression (but only on merchandise). One Song Fight entry was performed by [http://emeraldrain.com/mycc/ Milwaukee Youth Center Choir], who also wrote and recorded a theme for Ray's Place, Ray's advice column. An entry by [[MC Frontalot]] won the latest Song Fight and is now the current theme song for the comic.

* The geography of [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=01032005 the Achewood Overground] is based on that of the [[Palo Alto, California|Palo Alto]]/[[Stanford, California|Stanford]] area. Dexter University corresponds to [[Stanford University]], Achewood Heights is equivalent to [[Menlo Park, California|Menlo Park]], East Achewood is analogous to [[East Palo Alto, California|East Palo Alto]], and the Achewood Estates/Achewood areas refer to different areas of Palo Alto.

* Achewood is sometimes featured in the [[Stanford Chaparral|Chaparral]], [[Stanford University]]'s humor publication, of which Onstad is an editor emeritus.

* A high quality reproduction of the entire Cartilage Head storyline appears in the first issue of [http://www.beeswaxmagazine.com/index.html Beeswax Magazine]. The second issue of Beeswax features thirty pages of "The Best of Ray's Party Blogs."

* In one cartoon strip, the character Ray Smuckles develops a Wikipedia article concerning [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02152007 his own urine]. In another, Roast Beef uses Wikipedia to research a potential Africa e-mail bank transfer scammer by the name of [http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=03152007 Leon Sumbitches].

* A song by the synth-pop band [[Freezepop (band)|Freezepop]] titled "Here Comes a Special Boy" about the character of Philippe can be downloaded from Freezepop's website.[http://www.freezepop.com/news/index.html]

* Teodor is a fan of Canadian indie rock band [[Arcade Fire]]

==References==

<div class="references-small"><references/></div>

{{Members of the Carnival Corporation}}

== External links ==

[[Category:Cruise lines]]

* [http://www.achewood.com/ Achewood.com (official site)]

[[Category:Shipping companies]]

* [http://achewood.saddestthing.com/wiki/index.php/Main_Page Achewiki] — A wiki devoted to ''Achewood''

[[Category:Carnival Cruise Lines]]

* [http://greatoutdoorfight.com/index.php/Main_Page The Great Outdoor Fight] - A [[fan-fiction]] wiki detailing the [[back-story]] of the Great Outdoor Fight

[[Category:1972 establishments]]

* [http://touamb.com/ Unofficial, unaffiliated fan-based message board]

* [http://webcomicsreview.com/examiner/issue040712/achewood.html A review] of ''Achewood''

* [http://www.comicbookgalaxy.com/101904_review.html Review] of the never-released collection from Checker Books

* [http://www.achewood.com/raysplace.php Ray's Place]

* [http://4colorreview.com/2004/08/12/achewood-an-interview-with-chris-onstad An interview with Chris Onstad]

* [http://www.brianmpalmer.com/onstad.htm Interview] by Brian M. Palmer

[[de:Carnival Cruise Lines]]

[[Category:2000s webcomics]]

[[it:Carnival Cruise Lines]]

[[Category:2001 establishments]]

[[ja:カーニバルクルーズライン]]

[[Category:Comedy webcomics]]

[[fi:Carnival Cruise Lines]]

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[[Category:Webcomics]]

[[Category:Comic strips featuring anthropomorphic characters]]