Jewish views on marriage: Difference between revisions

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{{Short description|none}}

[[Judaism]] considers [[marriage]] to be the ideal state of existence; a man without a wife, or a woman without a husband, are considered incomplete.

{{more citations needed|date=August 2022}}

[[File:Israëls-A Jewish Wedding-1903.jpg|thumb|260px|''A Jewish wedding'' (1903) by [[Jozef Israëls]]]]

[[File:Brooklyn Museum - Jewish Marriage Certificate - overall.jpg|thumb|260px |Jewish [[Ketubah|marriage certificate]], dated 1740 ([[Brooklyn Museum]])]]

{{Judaism}}

== Ancient customs ==

'''Marriage in Judaism''' is the documentation of a contract between a Jewish man and a Jewish woman. Because marriage under [[Halakha|Jewish law]] is essentially a private contractual agreement between a man and a woman, it does not require the presence of a rabbi or any other religious official. It is common, however, for rabbis to officiate and there are rules governing the process of betrothal and consecration.<ref>{{Cite web |title=Marriage in Judaism |url=https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/marriage-in-judaism |access-date=2024-11-18 |website=www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org}}</ref><ref>{{Cite web |title=The Jewish Marriage Ceremony |url=https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/465162/jewish/The-Jewish-Marriage-Ceremony.htm |website=chabad.org}}</ref><ref>{{Cite web |title=Marriage - Judaism 101 (JewFAQ) |url=https://www.jewfaq.org/marriage |access-date=2024-11-18 |website=www.jewfaq.org}}</ref>

In traditional Jewish society, from the era of the Talmud up to the enlightenment, social association of the sexes was usually [[Tzeniut|restricted]]. In [[Orthodox Judaism|Orthodox Jewish communities]] these social restrictions are still in force.

Non-Orthodox developments have brought changes in who may marry whom. Intermarriage is often discouraged, though opinions vary.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://forward.com/opinion/386405/we-asked-22-rabbis-is-intermarriage-a-problem-or-an-opportunity/|title=We asked 22 rabbis: Is intermarriage a problem or an opportunity?|date=31 October 2017 |access-date=2021-10-18|publisher=Forward.com}}</ref>

Engagement for marriage was generally brought about by a third person, often a professional match-maker ("''shadchan''"). The process is called ''[[Shidduch]]im'' ([[Hebrew language|Hebrew]]: ''matches''). The ''shadchan'' received a brokerage-fee fixed by law, as a rule a small percentage of the dowry. It was paid by either of the parties, or each paid one-half, at the betrothal or after the wedding. The [[rabbi]], as a person enjoying special confidence, was also often employed as intermediary. Although the marriage preliminaries were the concern of the parents, their children were not forced into marriage over their objections.

In Judaism, a marriage can end either because of a [[Get (divorce document)|divorce document]] given by the man to his wife, or by the death of either party. Certain details, primarily as protections for the wife, were added in [[Talmud]]ic times.<ref name="JEmarriage">{{JewishEncyclopedia|author1=[[Solomon Schechter|Schechter, Solomon]] | author2=Greenstone, Julius H. |title=Marriage Laws|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/articles/10435-marriage-laws}}</ref>

== Marriage ceremony ==

==Overview==

The marriage ceremony is based on the rules for transfer of property or of rights in antiquity. In marriage, the woman accepts a ring (or something of value) from the man, accepting the terms of the marriage. This is called betrothal, or ''kiddushin or erusin''. A prenuptial agreement (''ketubah'') is read publicly. Witnesses are required for both the signing of the ketubah and the ceremonies.

===Historic view===

In traditional [[Judaism]], [[marriage]] is viewed as a contractual bond commanded by God in which a Jewish man and a Jewish woman come together to create a relationship in which God is directly involved. Though procreation is not the sole purpose, a Jewish marriage is traditionally expected to fulfil the commandment to have children.<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Genesis|1:28|HE}}</ref> In this view, marriage is understood to mean that the husband and wife are merging into a single soul, which is why a man is considered "incomplete" if he is not married, as his soul is only one part of a larger whole that remains to be unified.<ref>Babylonian Talmud, Yebomoth 62b.</ref><ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/448425/jewish/Why-Marry.htm |title=Why Marry? |access-date=2007-12-19 |publisher=[[Chabad.org]] |url-status=dead |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20071224153323/https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/448425/jewish/Why-Marry.htm |archive-date=2007-12-24}}</ref>

===Recent non-Orthodox views===

Finally the couple are joined in matrimony under the Chuppah, in the ceremony of ''Nissuin'', symbolizing their setting up house together. Very often the chuppah is made of an outstretched [[tallit]] (Jewish prayer shawl), but it can be any sort of canopy.

Non-Orthodox Jewish denominations, such as Reconstructionist, Reform, and Conservative Judaism, recognize same-sex marriage, and de-emphasize procreation, focusing on marriage as a bond between a couple.<ref>{{cite web |url=https://www.foxnews.com/us/conservative-jews-approve-gay-wedding-guidelines/ |title=Conservative Jews approve gay wedding guidelines |publisher=Fox News |date=2012-06-01 |access-date=2013-09-10}}</ref><ref>{{cite web |url=http://www.beliefnet.com/Faiths/2000/03/Text-Of-The-Reform-Judaism-Gay-Marriage-Resolution.aspx# |title=Text of the Reform Judaism Gay Marriage Resolution |publisher=Beliefnet.com |date=2011-02-17 |access-date=2013-09-10}}</ref>

== Betrothal and marriage ==

At the giving of the ring the groom makes a declaration "You are consecrated to me, through this ring, according to the religion of Moses and Israel." Traditionally there is no verbal response on the part of the bride. She accepts the ring on her finger, and closes her hand, signifying acceptance [[Conservative Judaism|Conservative]] and [[Reform Judaism|Reform Jews]] however, create new ''minhagim'' (customs) in the wedding ceremony. Today most non-traditional Jewish women respond by giving a ring to the groom, and recite an appropriate passage, such as the famous verse from the Song of Songs, ''Ani l'dodi v'dodi Li'' ("I am for my beloved, and my beloved is for me", [[Song of Songs]] 6:3).

[[File:Rembrandt Harmensz. van Rijn - Het Joodse bruidje.jpg|thumb|260px|''The Jewish Bride'' ([[Rembrandt]], 1662–6)]]

In [[Jewish law]], marriage consists of two separate acts, called {{transliteration|he|[[erusin]]}} or {{transliteration|he|kiddushin}},{{efn|Sometimes the word {{transliteration|he|kiddushin}} may be used to refer to marriage as a whole, and not just the betrothal.}} which is the [[betrothal]] ceremony, and {{transliteration|he|nissu'in}} or {{transliteration|he|[[chupah]]}}, the actual [[Jewish wedding|Jewish wedding ceremony]]. {{transliteration|he|Erusin}} changes the couple's personal circumstances, while {{transliteration|he|nissu'in}} brings about the legal consequences of the change of circumstances. In [[Talmud]]ic times, these two ceremonies usually took place up to a year apart; the bride lived with her parents until the actual marriage ceremony ({{transliteration|he|nissuin}}), which would take place in a room or tent that the groom had set up for her. Since the Middle Ages the two ceremonies have taken place as a combined ceremony performed in public.<ref>[https://www.daat.ac.il/DAAT/toshba/ishut/ishut2.htm Kiddushin ve-nesuin] (Hebrew).</ref>

In Ancient Judaism a marriage could be established in three ways: money, contract, or sexual intercourse.<ref name="c287">{{cite book | first1=Danya | last1=Ruttenberg | author-link=Danya Ruttenberg | editor-last1=Dorff | editor-first1=Elliot N. | editor-link=Elliot N. Dorff | editor-last2=Crane | editor-first2=Jonathan K. | chapter=Jewish Sexual Ethics | title=The Oxford Handbook of Jewish Ethics and Morality | publisher=Oxford University Press | series=Oxford Handbooks Series | year=2016 | isbn=978-0-19-060838-5 | chapter-url=https://books.google.com/books?id=MHcRDAAAQBAJ&pg=PA384 | access-date=2024-07-26 | pages=384–385}}</ref>

=== Ancient methods of betrothal ===

According to the Talmud,<ref>Kiddushin 1:1</ref> {{transliteration|he|erusin}} involves the groom handing an object to the bride – either an object of value such as a ring, or a document stating that she is being betrothed to him. In order to be valid, this must be done in the presence of two unrelated male witnesses. After {{transliteration|he|erusin}}, the laws of [[adultery]] apply, and the marriage cannot be dissolved without a [[Get (divorce document)|religious divorce]]. After {{transliteration|he|nisuin}}, the couple may live together.

In the past, a Jewish betrothal could be contracted in three ways ([[Mishna]], tractate Kiddushim 1:1):

The act of {{transliteration|he|erusin}} may be made by the intending parties or by their respective parents or other relatives on their behalf with their consent. A man and a woman cannot be betrothed to one another without agency and consent.<ref>([[Nashim|Kiddushin]] 9b)</ref> The act is formalized in a document known as the {{transliteration|he|Shtar Tena'im}}, the "Document of Conditions" which is read prior to the {{transliteration|he|badekin}}. After the reading, the mothers of the future bride and groom break a plate. Today, some sign the contract on the day of the wedding, some do it as an earlier ceremony, and some do not do it at all. It should also be emphasized that this practice is not explicitly mentioned in the Hebrew Bible.{{citation needed|date=August 2022}}

#With money (as when a man hands a woman an object of value, such as a ring or a coin, for the purpose of contracted marriage, and in the presence of two witnesses, and she actively accepts);

#Through a ''shtar'', a contract containing the betrothal declaration phrased as "through this contract"; or

#By sexual intercourse with the intention of creating a bond of marriage, a method strongly discouraged by the rabbinic sages.

In [[Haredi Judaism|Haredi]] communities, marriages may be arranged by the parents of the prospective bride and groom, who may arrange a {{transliteration|he|[[shidduch]]}} by engaging a professional match-maker ({{transliteration|he|shadchan}}) who finds and introduces the prospective bride and groom and receives a fee for their services. The young couple is not forced to marry if either does not accept the other.<ref>{{cite web | url=http://www.huffpost.com/entry/hasidic-marriages-are-not-forced_b_1334785 | title=Hasidic Marriages Are Not Forced, nor Arranged. They Are Perhaps Recommended | date=9 March 2012 }}</ref>

Today ''only'' the betrothal ceremony involving the object of value, a ring, is practiced.

=== TheMatrimony Ketubah ===

=== Marital harmony ===

The ketubah lays out rights of the wife (to monetary payments upon termination of the marriage by death or divorce), and obligations of the husband (providing food, shelter, clothing, and sexual satisfaction to the wife). Due to its overriding importance, it was not written in the [[Hebrew language]], but in [[Aramaic]], the [[lingua franca]] of Jews at the time the first Ketubot became standardized.

{{Main|Shalom bayit}}

Marital harmony, known as {{transliteration|he|shalom bayis}} ({{lang|he|שלום בית}}), is valued in Jewish tradition. The Talmud states that a man should love his wife as much as he loves himself, and honour her more than he honours himself;<ref name="ReferenceA">''[[Sanhedrin (tractate)|Sanhedrin]]'' 76b</ref> indeed, one who honours his wife was said, by the classical rabbis, to be rewarded with wealth.<ref name="BaMe59b">''[[Baba Metzia]]'' 59b</ref> Similarly, a husband was expected to discuss with his wife any worldly matters that might arise in his life.<ref name="BaMe59b"/> The Talmud forbids a husband from being overbearing to his household,<ref>''[[Gittin]]'' 6b</ref> and [[domestic abuse]] by him<!--but not by her--> was also condemned.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/> It was said of a wife that "God counts her tears".<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/>

As for the wife, the greatest praise the Talmudic rabbis offered to any woman was that given to a wife who fulfils the wishes of her husband;<ref>''[[Nedarim (tractate)|Nedarim]]'' 66b</ref> to this end, an early [[midrash]] states that a wife should not leave the home "too frequently".<ref>''[[Genesis Rabbah]]'' 65:2</ref> A wife, also, was expected to be [[Tzniut|modest]], even when alone with her husband.<ref>''[[Shabbat (Talmud)|Shabbat]]'' 140b</ref> God's presence dwells in a pure and loving home.<ref>''[[Sotah]]'' 17a</ref>

Orthodox Judaism uses a traditional ketubah based on the forms that have evolved and standardized over the past millennium. There are minor variations between Orthodox groups, but none of major legal or theological difference. While Jews today no longer speak Aramaic, Orthodox ketubot are still in this tongue. Nowadays many Orthodox ketubot also have English translations.

=== Conjugal rights and obligations ===

Conservative Jews use a traditional ketubah, but have incorporated two changes. Aramaic ketubot are still used, but since Hebrew has been reborn as a lving language, an official Hebrew version of the Ketubah is now sometimes used. A second change is that a new paragraph is allowed as an option; this paragraph includes a directive that if the couple ever gets a civil (non-religious) divorced, they must go to a ''Bet Din'' (rabbinical court) and follow its directives, which tells the husband that he must give his wife a ''get'', a Jewish divorce.

Marriage obligations and rights in [[Judaism]] are ultimately based on those apparent in the [[Bible]], which have been clarified, defined, and expanded on by many [[posek|prominent rabbinic authorities]] throughout history.

Traditionally, the obligations of the husband include providing for his wife. He is obligated to provide for her sustenance for her benefit; in exchange, he is also entitled to her income. However, this is a right to the wife, and she can release her husband of the obligation of sustaining her, and she can then keep her income exclusively for herself. The document that provides for this is the {{transliteration|he|[[ketubah]]}}.

The Reform and Reconstructionist movements use both more equalized versions of the ketubah, and also use documents that are essentially not a ketubah at all, but rather a new form of wedding celebration document.

The Bible itself gives the wife protections, as per Exodus 21:10,<ref>{{bibleverse|Exodus|21:10|HE}}</ref> although the rabbis may have added others later. The rights of the husband and wife are described in tractate {{transliteration|he|[[Ketubot (tractate)|Ketubot]]}} in the Talmud, which explains how the rabbis balanced the two sets of rights of the wife and the husband.

==Family Purity==

The Laws of "Family Purity" (''taharat hamishpacha'') have always been a pre-requisite of the Jewish marriage. This requires a knowledge of the menstrual [[Niddah]] laws which all Jewish brides and grooms have been required to study and practice.

According to the non-traditional view, in the Bible the wife is treated as a possession owned by her husband,<ref name="JewEncMar">{{Jewish Encyclopedia |article=marriage |url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?letter=M&artid=213}}</ref> but later Judaism imposed several obligations on the husband, effectively giving the wife several rights and freedoms;<ref name="JewEncMar"/> indeed, being a Jewish wife was often a more favourable situation than being a wife in many other cultures.<ref name="JewEncMar"/> For example, the [[Talmud]] establishes the principle that a wife is entitled, but not compelled, to the same dignity and social standing as her husband,<ref name="Ket48a">''Ketubot'' 48a</ref><ref name="Ket61a">''Ketubot'' 61a</ref> and is entitled to keep any additional advantages she had as a result of her social status before her marriage.<ref name="Ket48a"/><ref name="Ket61a"/>

== Intermarriages ==

==== In the Bible ====

The [[Jewish]] concept of marriage is based on ''kiddushin'' (sanctification). The wife and husband are publicly sanctified to each other in an exclusive relationship. The rules regarding such sanctification, by definition, are for a relationship between the Jews. The Jewish declaration of marriage includes the phrase that the marriage is being carried out by the laws of [[Moses]] and [[Israel]]; such a declaration has no meaning for a marriage ceremony between a Jew and a gentile. If any such marriage is carried out [[Jews]] of course recognize the civil legitimacy of such a ceremony, but accord it no religious legitimacy.

[[Biblical Hebrew]] has two words for "husband": {{transliteration|hbo|ba'al}} (also meaning "master"), and {{transliteration|hbo|ish}} (also meaning "man", parallel to {{transliteration|hbo|isha}} meaning "woman" or "wife"). The words are contrasted in Hosea 2:16, where God speaks to Israel as though it is his wife: "On that day, says the Lord, you will call [me] 'my husband' ({{transliteration|hbo|ish}}), and will no longer call me 'my master' ({{transliteration|hbo|ba'al}})."<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse||Hosea|2:18|HE}}</ref>

Early nomadic communities practised a form of marriage known as {{transliteration|hbo|[[Beena marriage|beena]]}}, in which a wife would own a tent of her own, within which she retains complete independence from her husband;<ref name="WRSKinship167">[[William Robertson Smith]], ''Kinship and Marriage in early Arabia'', (1885), 167</ref> this principle appears to survive in parts of early Israelite society, as some early passages of the Bible appear to portray certain wives as each owning a tent as a personal possession<ref name="WRSKinship167"/> (specifically, [[Jael]],<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Judges|4:7|HE}}</ref> [[Sarah]],<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Genesis|24:26|HE}}</ref> and Jacob's wives).<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Genesis|31:33-34|HE}}</ref> In later times, the Bible describes wives as being given the innermost room(s) of the husband's house, as her own private area to which men were not permitted;<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Judges|15:1|HE}}; {{bibleverse|Judges|16:9|HE}}</ref> in the case of wealthy husbands, the Bible describes their wives as having each been given an entire house for this purpose.<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|1|Kings|7:8|HE}}; {{bibleverse|2|Kings|24:15|HE}}</ref>

=== Civil versus religious marriages, and inter-faith marriages ===

It was not, however, a life of complete freedom. The descriptions of the Bible suggest that a wife was expected to perform certain household tasks: spinning, sewing, weaving, manufacture of clothing, fetching of water, baking of bread, and [[animal husbandry]].<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Genesis|29:9|HE}}; {{bibleverse|Exodus|2:16|HE}}; {{bibleverse|1|Samuel|2:19|HE}}; {{bibleverse|1|Samuel|8:13|HE}}</ref> The [[Book of Proverbs]] contains an entire [[acrostic]] about the duties which would be performed by a virtuous wife.<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Proverbs|31:10-31|HE}}</ref>

There is an ongoing debate about inter-faith marriage in especially the Jewish community. Traditionalists speak of a "Second Silent Holocaust." Modernists see inter-faith marriages as a contribution to a multicultural society that enriches lives. Similar debates occur in other communities, for instance among the [[Roma and Sinti|Roma]] people.

The husband, too, is indirectly implied to have responsibilities to his wife. The [[Torah]] obligates a man to not deprive his wife of food, clothing, or of sexual activity ({{transliteration|hbo|[[onah]]}});<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Exodus|21:10|HE}}</ref> if the husband does not provide the first wife with these things, she is to be divorced, without cost to her.<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Exodus|21:11|HE}}</ref> The Talmud interprets this as a requirement for a man to provide food and clothing to, and have sex with, each of his wives, even if he only has one.<ref name="JewEncHusWif">{{Jewish Encyclopedia |article=Husband and Wife |url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?letter=H&artid=986}}</ref>

In the past, intermarriages were extremely rare, and were often the result of a Jewish person rejecting their religion and heritage; in 1800s Europe intermarriages often took place as the result of a conscious and deliberate effort to assimilate into European society. Over the last century the rate of intermarriage in the USA in particular has skyrocketed, but most occur for different reasons. Most of these intermarriages take place because the Jewish person has a much larger chance of meeting a non-Jewish partner, and because many Jews in the USA are being raised without a religious, observant upbringing, and without any detailed formal Jewish education.

As a {{not a typo|[[polygynous]]}} society, the Israelites did not have any laws which imposed [[monogamy]] on men.<ref name="CheyneAndBlackJeal">{{EncyclopaediaBiblica |article=Jealousy, Ordeal of |section=Jannaeus-Jerah}}</ref><ref name="JewEncAdu">{{Jewish Encyclopedia |article=Adultery |url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=865&letter=A}}</ref> [[Adulterous]] married and betrothed women, as well as their male accomplices, were subject to the [[death penalty]] by the [[Adultery#In the Hebrew Bible|biblical laws against adultery]].<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Ezekiel|16:40|HE}}; {{bibleverse|Leviticus|20:10|HE}}; {{bibleverse|Deuteronomy|22:22-25|HE}}</ref> According to the [[Book of Numbers]], if a woman was suspected of adultery, she was to be subjected to the [[ordeal of the bitter water]],<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Numbers|5:11-31|HE}}</ref> a form of [[trial by ordeal]], but one that took a miracle to convict. The [[literary prophets]] indicate that adultery was a frequent occurrence, despite their strong protests against it,<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Jeremiah|7:9|HE}}; {{bibleverse|Jeremiah|23:10|HE}}; {{bibleverse|Hosea|4:2|HE}}; {{bibleverse|Malachi|3:5|HE}}</ref> and these legal strictnesses.<ref name="CheyneAndBlackJeal"/>

All branches of [[Orthodox Judaism]], both [[Hasidic Judaism|Hasidic]] and non-Hasidic, refuse to accept any validity of intermarriages. [[Reform Judaism]] and [[Reconstructionist Judaism]] do not accept the [[Halakha]] (Jewish law) as normative, so technically they do not have firm rules against it. Therefore, under certain circumstances that must be discussed with the rabbi beforehand, many Reform and Reconstructionist rabbis will officiate at a marriage between a Jew and a gentile, as long as the couple agrees to certain conditions. These conditions usually state that the couple must raise the children as Jewish and provide them with some sort of formal Jewish education. However some Reform and Reconstrictionist Jews view intermarriage as a threat to the unity and survival of the Jewish people, and many still discourage it.

==== In the Talmud and Rabbinic Judaism ====

There is a difference between a religious Jewish marriage and the secular marriage. In the United States (and many other countries), when a [[rabbi]] officiates at a wedding, it is de facto a legal wedding by the law of the United States, as well; therefore, a rabbi cannot officiate for you without a civil license. This is the secular (civil) marriage. However, Kiddushin is a ceremony that can only take place between two Jews. Many rabbis will not officiate at a wedding between a Jew and a non-Jew because it is outside the realm of Jewish law and custom.

The Talmud sets a minimum provision which a husband must provide to his wife:<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/>

* Enough bread for at least two meals a day

* Sufficient oil for cooking and for lighting purposes

* Sufficient wood for cooking

* Fruit and vegetables

* Wine, if it is customary in the locality for women to drink it

* Three meals on each [[shabbat]] consisting of fish and meat

* An [[Allowance (money)|allowance]] of a silver coin (Hebrew: {{transliteration|hbo|ma'ah}}) each week

[[Beth din|Rabbinic courts]] could compel the husband to make this provision, if he fails to do so voluntarily.<ref>''Ketubot'' 77a</ref> [[Moses Schreiber|The Chatam Sofer]], a prominent 19th century halachic decisor, argued that if a man could not provide his wife with this minimum, he should be compelled to divorce her;<ref>Moses Schreiber, ''Hatam Sofer'' on ''[[Eben ha-'Ezer]]'', 131-132</ref> other Jewish rabbis argued that a man should be compelled to hire himself out, as a day-labourer, if he cannot otherwise make this provision to his wife.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/>

Jewish educators note that the vast majority of American Jews receive no Jewish education whatsoever after age 13, and have no substantial understanding of Judaism's theological, philosophical, and ethical teachings. Some hold, therefore, that much intermarriage today, is thus not a deliberate rejection of Judaism, but a choice to marry a person that one has happened to meet.

According to prominent Jewish writers of the Middle Ages, if a man is absent from his wife for a long period, the wife should be allowed to sell her husband's property, if necessary to sustain herself.<ref name="MaMiTI121022">[[Maimonides]], ''[[Mishneh Torah]]'', ''Ishut'' 12:10-22</ref><ref name="JabAshEbEz70">[[Jacob ben Asher]], ''Eben ha-'Ezer'', 70</ref> Similarly, they argued that if a wife had to take out a loan to pay for her sustenance during such absence, her husband had to pay the debt on his return.<ref name="MaMiTI121022"/><ref name="JabAshEbEz70"/>

=== The Ger Toshav proposal ===

On rare occasions there are intermarriages between a Jew and a gentile, yet the gentile is not a member of a non-Jewish faith. This is possible because there are many people who are ethical monotheists who believe in the God concept described in the Bible. When married to a Jew, they are willing to have a Jewish household, go to synagogue, and raise their children as Jewish. In a new development in the Jewish community, over the past 30 years, a small but growing number of traditional but liberal rabbis have come to feel that a marriage between such a person and a Jew need not be a threat to Jewish continuity. Indeed, many sociological studies have shown that gentiles who choose to affiliate in some way with Judaism often raise families that are more educated and observant than those who are born Jews. Rabbi Steve Greenberg has written a formal proposal on this topic, reinstating the biblical concept of ''Ger Toshav,'' a biblical term for resident alien, denoting someone who is not Jewish, but who lives within the Jewish community and shares many of the accompanying responsibilities and privileges. (See[http://www.clal.org/ss43.html]).

In order to offset the husband's duty to support his wife, she was required by the Talmud to surrender all her earnings to her husband, together with any profit she makes by accident, and the right of [[usufruct]] on her property;<ref name="Ket46b47b">''Ketubot'' 46b-47b</ref> the wife was not required to do this if she wished to support herself.<ref name="Ket46b47b"/> Although the wife always retained ownership of her property itself, if she died while still married to her husband, he was to be her heir, according to the opinion of the Talmud;<ref name="Ket46b47b"/> this principle, though, was modified, in various ways, by the rabbis of the Middle Ages.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/>

If a gentile converts to Judaism in accord with [[Halakha]] (Jewish law) and then marries a Jewish person, this by definition is considered a Jewish marriage, not an intermarriage.

===== Home and household =====

== Divorce ==

In Jewish tradition, the husband was expected to provide a home for his wife, furnished in accordance to local custom and appropriate to his status;<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/> the marital couple were expected to live together in this home, although if the husband's choice of work made it difficult to do so, the Talmud excuses him from the obligation.<ref>''Ketubot'' 61b</ref> Traditionally, if the husband changed his usual abode, the wife was considered to have a duty to move with him.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/> In the Middle Ages, it was argued that if a person continued to refuse to live with their spouse, the spouse in question had sufficient [[grounds for divorce]].<ref>Maimonides, ''Mishneh Torah'', ''Ishut'' 14:1-16</ref><ref>Jacob ben Asher, ''Eben ha-'Ezer'', 76-77</ref>

Halakha (Jewish law) allows for divorce. The document of divorce is termed a ''get''. The final divorce ceremony involves the husband giving the ''get'' document into the hand of the wife or her agent, but the wife may sue in rabbinical court to initiate the divorce.

Most Jewish religious authorities held that a husband must allow his wife to eat at the same table as him, even if he gave his wife enough money to provide for herself.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/> By contrast, if a husband mistreated his wife, or lived in a disreputable neighbourhood, the Jewish religious authorities would permit the wife to move to another home elsewhere, and would compel the husband to finance her life there.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/>

[[Conservative Judaism]] follows most of the laws and traditions regarding marriage and divorce as is found in [[Orthodox Judaism]]. One difference is that the Conservative movement allows certain changes to be made in the Ketubah (wedding document) to make it egalitarian. Often a clause is added to prevent any possibility of the woman ever becoming ''agunah'' (called "the Lieberman clause"). Most Orthodox Jews hold that this modification is a violation of Jewish law, and this have devised a separate prenuptial agreement external to the ketubah which has a similar effect. In a recent development the [[Rabbinical Assembly]], the international assembly of Conservative rabbis, has also promoted the use of a separate prenuptuial agreement, to be used in place of the Lieberman clause. This is not because they have concerns about its legitimacy, but rather about its effectiveness.

Expanding on the household tasks which the Bible implies a wife should undertake,<ref name="JewEncMar"/> rabbinic literature requires her to perform all the housework (such as baking, cooking, washing, caring for her children, etc.), unless her marriage had given the husband a large [[dowry]];<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/> in the latter situation, the wife was expected only to tend to "affectionate" tasks, such as [[Making the bed|making his bed]] and serving him his food.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/> Jewish tradition expected the husband to provide the bed linen and kitchen utensils.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/> If the wife had young twin children, the Talmud made her husband responsible for caring for one of them.<ref>''Ketubot'' 59b</ref>

Reform Jews have traditionally not used a Ketubah at their weddings. They instead usually use a short wedding certificate. They generally do not issue Jewish divorces, seeing a civil divorce as both necessary and sufficient. In recent years those in the traditional wing of Reform have begun using egalitarian forms of the ketubah. Conservative and Orthodox Judaism do not recognize civil law as overriding religious law, and thus do not view a civil divorce as sufficient. Thus, a man or woman may be considered divorced by the Reform Jewish community, but still married by the Orthodox or Conservative community.

===== Clothing =====

See [[Religious aspects of marriage]] for entries on how all religions view marriage.

The Talmud elaborates on the biblical requirement of the husband to provide his wife with clothing, by insisting that each year he must provide each wife with 50 [[Zuz (Jewish coin)|zuzim]]'s-worth of clothing,<ref name="JewEncCos">{{Jewish Encyclopedia |article=Costume |url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=822&letter=C}}</ref> including garments appropriate to each [[season]] of the year.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/> The Talmudic rabbis insist that this annual clothing gift should include one hat, one belt, and three pairs of shoes<ref>[[Ketubot (Talmud)|Ketubot]] 64b</ref> (one pair for each of the three main annual festivals: [[Passover]], [[Shabu'ot]], and [[Sukkoth]]).<ref name="JewEncCos"/> The husband was also expected by the classical rabbis to provide his wife with jewelry and perfumes if he lived in an area where this was customary.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/>

===== Physical obligations =====

The Talmud argues that a husband is responsible for the protection of his wife's body. If his wife became ill, then he would be compelled, by the Talmud, to defray any medical expense which might be incurred in relation to this;<ref name="Ket46b47b"/> the Talmud requires him to ensure that the wife receives care.<ref name="Ket46b47b"/> Although he technically had the right to divorce his wife, enabling him to avoid paying for her medical costs, several prominent rabbis throughout history condemned such a course of action as inhuman behaviour, even if the wife was suffering from a prolonged illness.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/>

If the wife dies, even if not due to illness, the Talmud's stipulations require the husband to arrange, and pay for, her burial;<ref name="Ket46a47b">''Ketubot'' 46a-47b</ref> the burial must, in the opinion of the Talmud, be one conducted in a manner befitting the husband's social status, and in accordance with the local custom.<ref name="Ket46a47b"/> Prominent rabbis of the Middle Ages clarified this, stating that the husband must make any provisions required by local burial customs, potentially including the hiring of mourners and the erection of a tombstone.<ref name="MaMiTorIs142324">Maimonides, ''Mishneh Torah'', ''Ishut'' 14:23-24</ref><ref name="JabAshEbEz89">Jacob ben Asher, ''Eben ha-'Ezer'', 89</ref> According to the Talmud, and later rabbinic writers, if the husband was absent, or refused to do these things, a rabbinical court should arrange the wife's funeral, selling some of the husband's property in order to defray the costs.<ref name="MaMiTorIs142324"/><ref name="JabAshEbEz89"/>

If the wife was captured, the husband was required by the Talmud and later writers to pay the ransom demanded for her release;<ref name="Ket51a">''Ketubot'' 51a</ref><ref name="MaMiTorIs141822">Maimonides, ''Mishneh Torah'', ''Ishut'' 14:18-22</ref><ref name="JabAshEbEz78">Jacob ben Asher, ''Eben ha-'Ezer'', 78</ref><ref name="JKShuArYD25210">[[Joseph Karo]], ''[[Shulkhan Arukh]]'', ''Yoreh De'ah'' 252:10</ref> there is some debate whether the husband was required only to pay up to the wife's market value as a slave,<ref>''[[Gittin]]'', 45a</ref> or whether he must pay any ransom, even to the point of having to sell his possessions to raise the funds.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/> If the husband and wife were both taken captive, the historic Jewish view was that the rabbinic courts should first pay the ransom for the wife, selling some of the husband's property in order to raise the funds.<ref name="Ket51a"/><ref name="MaMiTorIs141822"/><ref name="JabAshEbEz78"/><ref name="JKShuArYD25210"/>

===== Fidelity =====

In the classical era of the [[rabbi]]nic scholars, the death penalty for adultery was rarely applied. It forbids conviction if:

* the woman had been raped, rather than consenting to the crime;<ref>''Ketubot'' 51b</ref>

* the woman had mistaken the paramour for her husband;<ref name="JewEncAdu"/>

* the woman was unaware of the laws against adultery before she committed the crime;<ref name="JewEncAdu"/>

* the woman had not been properly warned. This requires that the two witnesses testifying against her warn her that the [[Torah]] prohibits adultery; that the penalty for adultery is death; and that she immediately responded that she is doing so with full knowledge of those facts. Even if she was warned, but did not acknowledge those facts immediately upon hearing them, and immediately before doing the act, she is not put to death. These conditions apply in all death-penalty convictions.<ref>Talmud, Ketubot 33a</ref>

These rules made it practically impossible to convict any woman of adultery; in nearly every case, women were acquitted.<ref name="JewEncAdu"/> However, due to the belief that a priest should be untainted, a [[Kohen]] was compelled to divorce his wife if she had been raped.<ref name="JewEncAdu"/><ref>''Yebamot'' 56b</ref>

In [[Amoraim|Talmudic]] times, once the death penalty was no longer enforced for any crime,<ref>''Sanhedrin'' 41</ref> even when a woman was convicted, the punishment was comparatively mild: adulteresses were flogged instead.<ref name="JewEncAdu"/> Nevertheless, the husbands of convicted adulteresses were not permitted by the Talmud to forgive their guilty wives, instead being compelled to divorce them;<ref>''Sotah'' 6:1</ref> according to [[Maimonides]], a conviction for adultery nullified any right that the wife's [[Ketubah|marriage contract]] (Hebrew: {{transliteration|he|ketubah}}) gave her to a compensation payment for being divorced.<ref>Maimonides, ''Mishneh Torah'', ''Ishut'' 24:6</ref> Once divorced, an adulteress was not permitted, according to the Talmudic writers, to marry her paramour.<ref>''Sotah'' 5:1</ref>

As for men who committed adultery (with another man's wife<!--rather than with an unmarried woman-->), [[Abba ben Joseph bar Hama|Abba ben Joseph]] and [[Abba Arika]] are both quoted in the Talmud as expressing abhorrence, and arguing that such men would be condemned to [[Gehenna]].<ref>''Sotah'' 4b</ref>

===== Family purity =====

{{Main|Niddah}}

The laws of "family purity" ({{transliteration|he|taharat hamishpacha}}) are considered an important part of an Orthodox Jewish marriage, and adherence to them is (in Orthodox Judaism) regarded as a prerequisite of marriage. This involves observance of the various details of the menstrual {{transliteration|he|[[niddah]]}} laws. Orthodox brides and grooms attend classes on this subject prior to the wedding. The niddah laws are regarded as an intrinsic part of marital life (rather than just associated with women). Together with a few other rules, including [[Keri|those about the ejaculation of semen]], these are collectively termed "family purity".

===== Sexual relations =====

In marriage, conjugal relations are guaranteed as a fundamental right for a woman, along with food and clothing.<ref>{{Cite web|url=https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/465161/jewish/The-Purposes-of-Marriage-in-Judaism.htm|title=The Purposes of Marriage in Judaism|website=www.chabad.org}}</ref> This obligation is known as {{transliteration|he|[[onah]]}}.<ref>{{cite book |last1=Friedman |first1=Avraham Peretz |title=Marital intimacy: A traditional Jewish approach |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=p9dYAgAAQBAJ&dq=Onah+is+a+Mitzvah+that+obliges+the+husband+to+be+attentive+and+responsive+to+his+wife%27s+emotional+and+intimate+needs&pg=PR4 |publisher=Compass Books |access-date=April 16, 2025 |page=91 |date=2014|isbn=978-0-9761966-0-0 }}</ref> Sex within marriage is the woman's right, and the man's duty. The husband is forbidden from raping his wife, they are not to be intimate while drunk or while either party is angry at the other. A woman should be granted a {{transliteration|he|[[Get (divorce document)|get]]}} (divorce) if she seeks it because her husband is disgusting or loathsome to her. If either partner consistently refuses to participate, that person is considered rebellious, and the other spouse can sue for divorce.<ref>{{Cite web|url=https://jwa.org/encyclopedia/article/maimonides|title=Maimonides|website=Jewish Women's Archive|date=12 July 2021 }}</ref> A very large number of Jewish texts attempting to regulate marital sexuality exist. This category can vary: it can mean a few biblical verse, chapters in medieval books of law, or self-standing modern traditional Jewish guides to marital sexuality. One should always remember that the fact a certain activity is recommended or forbidden, does not mean that in reality the advice is followed. We can know what generally traditional Jews were told to do or not to do in their bedrooms. We can very rarely know what actually happened.<ref>{{Cite book |last=Marienberg |first=Evyatar |title=Traditional Jewish sex guidance: a history |date=2022 |publisher=Brill |isbn=978-90-04-51900-8 |series=Brill's series in Jewish studies |___location=Leiden ; Boston}}</ref>

== Age of marriage{{anchor|Child marriage}} ==

Citing the primacy of the divine command given in Genesis 1:28, the time between puberty and age twenty has been considered the ideal time for men and women to be wed in traditional Jewish thought. Some rabbis have gone further to commend the age of eighteen as most ideal, while others have advocated for the time immediately following puberty, closer to the age of fourteen, essentially "as early in life as possible."<ref name="jewishencyclopedia.com">{{Cite web|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/articles/10435-marriage-laws|title=MARRIAGE LAWS - JewishEncyclopedia.com|website=www.jewishencyclopedia.com|access-date=2019-06-10}}</ref> Babylonian rabbis understood marriage as God's means of keeping male sexuality from going out of control, so they advocated for early marriage to prevent men from succumbing to temptation in their youth.<ref>{{cite book|author=Michael Satlow|editor1=William Horbury|editor2=John Sturdy|title=The Cambridge History of Judaism: Volume 4, The Late Roman-Rabbinic Period|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=BjtWLZhhMoYC&pg=PA1134|year=1984|publisher=Cambridge University Press|isbn=978-0-521-77248-8|pages=622–|quote=Their answer to the problem of sexual desire centered on advocating early marriage. For Babylonian rabbis, the primary goal of marriage meant channeling and controlling male sexuality.}}</ref> The ḳeṭannah (children aged three to twelve) might be given in marriage by her father, and the marriage was valid, necessitating a formal divorce if separation was desired. Some commended early marriage for its benefits: Rabbi Ḥisda maintained that early marriage could lead to increased intelligence.<ref name="jewishencyclopedia.com"/>

A large age gap between spouses, in either direction, is advised against as unwise.<ref>''[[Yebamot]]'' 44a</ref> A younger woman marrying a significantly older man however is especially problematic: marrying one's young daughter to an old man was declared as reprehensible as forcing her into prostitution.<ref>''Sanhedrin'' 76a</ref> Moreover, it is problematic for an older man to be unmarried in the first place. Marriage is held to be uniquely mandatory for men, and an unmarried man over the age of twenty is considered "cursed by God Himself."<ref name="jewishencyclopedia.com"/>

There is evidence however that in some communities males did not marry until "thirty or older."<ref>{{Cite web|url=https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/2301528/jewish/Chapter-Six-The-Appropriate-Age-for-Marriage.htm|title=Chapter Six: The Appropriate Age for Marriage|website=www.chabad.org}}</ref> In medieval [[Ashkenazi Jew|Jewish Ashkenazi]] communities, women continued to be married young.<ref>''Kiddushin'' ([[tosafot]]) 41a</ref> Since the [[Jewish Enlightenment|Enlightenment]], young marriage has become rarer among Jewish communities.<ref>{{Cite journal|last=Lowenstein|first=Steven M.|date=1994|title=Ashkenazic Jewry and the European Marriage Pattern: A Preliminary Survey of Jewish Marriage Age|url=https://www.jstor.org/stable/20101195|journal=Jewish History|volume=8|issue=1/2|pages=155–175|doi=10.1007/BF01915912|jstor=20101195|s2cid=162228288|issn=0334-701X|url-access=subscription}}</ref>

=== Consent ===

According to the Talmud, a father is commanded not to marry his daughter to anyone until she grows up and says, "I want this one".<ref>Shulchan Aruch, Even Ha'ezer, 37:8</ref> A marriage that takes place without the consent of the girl is not an effective legal marriage.<ref>Shulchan Aruch, Even Ha'ezer, 42:1</ref>

A {{transliteration|he|ketannah}} (literally meaning "little [one]") was any girl between the age of 3 years and that of 12 years plus one day;<ref name="JewEncMaj">{{Jewish Encyclopedia |article=Majority |url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?letter=M&artid=91}}</ref> she was subject to her father's authority, and he could arrange a marriage for her without her agreement.<ref name="JewEncMaj" /> However, after reaching the age of maturity, she would have to agree to the marriage to be considered as married.<ref>{{Cite web |url=https://jwa.org/encyclopedia/article/legal-religious-status-of-married-woman |title=CONDITIONS NECESSARY FOR LEGAL MARRIAGE |author=Tirzah Meacham |access-date=5 February 2020}}</ref><ref>{{Cite web |url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/articles/10435-marriage-laws |title=MARRIAGE LAWS |author1=Solomon Schechter |author2=Julius H. Greenstone |access-date=5 February 2020}}</ref> If the father was dead or missing, the brothers of the {{transliteration|he|ketannah}}, collectively, had the right to arrange a marriage for her, as had her mother.<ref name="JewEncMaj" /> In these situations, a {{transliteration|he|ketannah}} would always have the right to [[Annulment|annul]] her marriage, even if it was the first.<ref name="JewEncMiu" />

If the marriage did end (due to divorce or the husband's death), any further marriages were optional; the {{transliteration|he|ketannah}} retained her right to annul them.<ref name="JewEncMiu">{{Jewish Encyclopedia |article=Mi'un |url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=669&letter=M}}</ref> The choice of a {{transliteration|he|ketannah}} to annul a marriage, known in Hebrew as {{transliteration|he|mi'un}} (literally meaning "refusal", "denial", "protest"),<ref name="JewEncMiu"/> led to a true annulment, not a divorce; a divorce document ({{transliteration|he|[[Get (divorce document)|get]]}}) was not necessary,<ref>Yebamot 107a</ref> and a {{transliteration|he|ketannah}} who did this was not regarded by legal regulations as a divorcee, in relation to the marriage.<ref name="Yeb108a">''Yebamot'' 108a</ref> Unlike divorce, {{transliteration|he|mi'un}} was regarded with distaste by many rabbinic writers,<ref name="JewEncMiu"/> even in the Talmud;<ref>''Yebamot'' 109a</ref> in earlier classical Judaism, one major faction – the [[House of Shammai]] – argued that such annulment rights only existed during the betrothal (not engagement) period ({{transliteration|he|[[erusin]]}}) and not once the actual marriage ({{transliteration|he|[[Nissuin|nissu'in]]}}) had begun.<ref>''Yebamot'' 107a</ref>

== Intermarriage ==

{{Main|Interfaith marriage in Judaism}}

Rates of marriage between Jews and non-Jews have increased in countries other than Israel (the [[Jewish diaspora]]). According to the [[National Jewish Population Survey|National Jewish Population Survey 2000-01]], 47% of marriages involving Jews in the United States between 1996 and 2001 were with non-Jewish partners. Jewish leaders in different branches generally agree that possible assimilation is a crisis, but they differ on the proper response to [[Jewish intermarriage|intermarriage]].

===Attitudes===

{{Further|Conservative Halakha#Restrictions on marriage}}

* All branches of [[Orthodox Judaism]] do not sanction the validity or legitimacy of intermarriages.Orthodox teachings view marriage between a Jewish man and woman as a reunion of two halves of the same soul, thus a Jewish man to have any relationship with a "[[Shiksa]]" (gentile woman) or a Jewish woman to have any relationship with a [[goy]] (gentile man) would be considered a disgrace.<ref>[https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/148995/jewish/On-Intermarriage.htm On Intermarriage Rabbi Eliezer Shemtov]</ref> Some Orthodox families observe [[Shiva (Judaism)|shiva]] (mourning rites) for relatives who marry outside the faith, symbolically mourning the potential loss of future generations who may not be raised as Jewish.<ref> [https://www.thehebrewcafe.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=680&pid=6539&highlight=Samson#pid6539 Response of Rabbi Eliezer Zalmanov 08/01/2019]</ref> Intermarriage is sometimes referred to in Orthodox circles as the "[[Silent Holocaust (Judaism)|Silent Holocaust]]." The only legal way for children of such relationships to be part of a Jewish community, is for them of their own free will to willingly accept the Iron Yoke of the Torah with help from Orthodox Jewish guidance.

* [[Conservative Judaism]] does not sanction intermarriage, but encourages acceptance of the non-Jewish spouse within the family, hoping that such acceptance will lead to conversion.

* [[Reform Judaism]] and [[Reconstructionist Judaism]] permit total personal autonomy in interpretation of [[Halakha|Jewish Law]], and intermarriage is not forbidden. Reform and Reconstructionist rabbis are free to take their own approach to performing marriages between a Jewish and non-Jewish partner. Many, but not all, seek agreement from the couple that the children will be raised as Jewish.

There are also differences between streams on what constitutes an intermarriage, arising from their [[Who is a Jew|differing criteria for being Jewish]] in the first place. Orthodox Jews only consider a child to be Jewish if the mother is of Jewish ancestry or has undergone a proper conversion as conducted by proper rabbinical authorities.

Among the general Jewish population in Israel, interfaith marriages are extremely rare; only about two percent were in an interfaith marriage. In addition, about 97 percent of Jews in the same [[Pew Research Center]] study, conducted in 2014-2015, did not approve of their child marrying a Muslim while 89 percent expressed similar views when asked about a hypothetical marriage to a Christian.<ref>{{cite web |author=Pew Research Center |date=March 8, 2016 |title=11. Intergroup marriage and friendship |url=https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2016/03/08/intergroup-marriage-and-friendship/ |access-date=July 19, 2024}}</ref>

=== Interracial Marriage ===

Jewish prohibitions on marriage typically concern [[Interfaith marriage in Judaism|interfaith marriages]]. There is no historical prohibition of [[interracial marriage]], nor is there explicit permission of such. However, debates around [[Numbers 12|Numbers 12:1]] suggest that [[Zipporah]], the wife of [[Moses]], is described as a "[[Cushite people|Cushite]] woman" to highlight a potentially much darker skin tone. Under modern social constructs, this would constitute Moses's marriage as an interracial one. However, there is no concrete proof that the Cushite woman referred to in Numbers is the same Zipporah from Exodus.

== Marriage in Israel ==

{{See also|Marriage in Israel}}

In [[Israel]], the only institutionalized form of Jewish marriage is the religious one, i.e., a marriage conducted under the auspices of the rabbinate. Specifically, marriage of Israeli Jews must be conducted according to Jewish Law ({{transliteration|he|[[halakha]]}}), as viewed by [[Orthodox Judaism]]. One consequence is that Jews in Israel who cannot marry according to [[Jewish law]] (e.g., a {{transliteration|he|[[kohen]]}} and a [[Divorce|divorcée]], or a Jew and one who is not [[Who is a Jew?|halachically Jewish]]), cannot marry each other. This has led for calls, mostly from the secular segment of the Israeli public, for the institution of civil marriage.<ref>{{Cite journal |last1=Halperin-Kaddari |first1=Ruth |last2=Yadgar |first2=Yaacov |date=2010 |title=Between Universal Feminism and Particular Nationalism: politics, religion and gender (in)equality in Israel |url=https://www.jstor.org/stable/27896588 |journal=Third World Quarterly |volume=31 |issue=6 |pages=905–920 |doi=10.1080/01436597.2010.502721 |jstor=27896588 |pmid=20857568 |issn=0143-6597|url-access=subscription }}</ref><ref>{{Cite web |date=8 May 2016 |title=Most Israeli Jews support Jewish pluralism, civil marriage |url=https://www.timesofisrael.com/most-israeli-jews-support-jewish-pluralism-civil-marriage-poll/ |website=The Times of Israel}}</ref>

Some secular-Jewish Israelis travel abroad to have [[civil marriages]], either because they do not wish an Orthodox wedding or because their union cannot be sanctioned by {{transliteration|he|halakha}}. These marriages are legally recognized by the State, but are not recognized by the State Rabbinate.

Marriages performed in Israel must be carried out by religious authorities of an official religion (Judaism, Islam, Christianity, or Druze), unless both parties are without religion.

== Divorce ==

{{transliteration|he|Halakha}} (Jewish Law) allows for divorce. The document of divorce is termed a {{transliteration|he|[[Get (divorce document)|get]]}}. The final divorce ceremony involves the husband giving the {{transliteration|he|get}} document into the hand of the wife or her agent, but the wife may sue in rabbinical court to initiate the divorce.<ref name="Berlin_divorce">{{cite encyclopedia |entry=Divorce |editor-surname=Berlin |editor-given=Adele |editor-link=Adele Berlin |title=The Oxford Dictionary of the Jewish Religion |edition=2nd |pages=216–217 |entry-url={{Google books|id=hKAaJXvUaUoC|plainurl=y|page=216|keywords=|text=}} |year=2011 |publisher=Oxford University Press |place=Oxford; New York |url={{Google books|id=hKAaJXvUaUoC|plainurl=y}} |isbn=978-0-19-975927-9}}</ref> In such a case, a husband may be compelled to give the {{transliteration|he|get}}, if he has violated any of his numerous obligations outlined in Jewish law and the couple's specific ''ketubah'';<ref>{{Cite web |title=Marriage in Judaism |url=https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/marriage-in-judaism |access-date=2023-12-02 |website=www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org}}</ref> Historically, this was sometimes accomplished by beating and or monetary coercion.<ref>{{Cite web |title=Can A Woman Initiate Jewish Divorce Proceedings? |url=https://www.myjewishlearning.com/life/Life_Events/Divorce/History/Women_Initiating_Divorce.shtml |access-date=2023-12-02 |website=My Jewish Learning |language=en-US}}</ref> The rationale was that since he was required to divorce his wife due to his (or her) violations of the contract, his good inclination desires to divorce her, and the community helps him to do what he wants to do anyway. In this case, the wife may or may not be entitled to a payment.<ref>{{Cite journal |last=Kaplan |first=Yehiel S. |date=2012-01-01 |title=Enforcement of Divorce Judgments in Jewish Courts in Israel: The Interaction Between Religious and Constitutional Law* |url=https://brill.com/view/journals/melg/4/1/article-p1_1.xml |journal=Middle East Law and Governance |language=en |volume=4 |issue=1 |pages=1–68 |doi=10.1163/187633712X631246 |issn=1876-3367|url-access=subscription }}</ref>

Since around the 12th century, some officials within Judaism have recognized the right of a wife abused physically or psychologically to a forced divorce.<ref>{{Cite web |title=Wifebeating in Jewish Tradition |url=https://jwa.org/encyclopedia/article/wifebeating-in-jewish-tradition |access-date=2023-12-02 |website=Jewish Women's Archive |language=en}}</ref><ref>{{Cite web |title=Domestic Violence |url=https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/domestic-violence |access-date=2023-12-02 |website=www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org}}</ref>

[[Conservative Judaism]] follows halacha, although differently than [[Orthodox Judaism]]. Reform Jews usually use an egalitarian form of the {{transliteration|he|Ketubah}} at their weddings. They generally do not issue Jewish divorces, seeing a civil divorce as both necessary and sufficient; however, some Reform rabbis encourage the couple to go through a Jewish divorce procedure. Orthodox Judaism does not recognize civil law as overriding religious law, and thus does not view a civil divorce as sufficient. Therefore, a man or woman may be considered divorced by the Reform Jewish community, but still married by the Conservative community. Orthodox Judaism usually does not recognize Reform weddings because according to Talmudic law, the witnesses to the marriage must be Jews who observe {{transliteration|he|halakha}}, which is believed by Orthodox authorities to seldom be the case in Reform weddings.<ref>{{Cite web |title=Now Is the Time to Change Marriage Laws in Israel {{!}} Union for Reform Judaism |url=https://urj.org/blog/now-time-change-marriage-laws-israel |access-date=2023-12-02 |website=urj.org |language=en}}</ref>

=== {{transliteration|he|Agunah}} ===

{{Main|Agunah}}

Traditionally, when a husband fled, or his whereabouts were unknown for any reason, the woman was considered an {{transliteration|he|[[agunah]]}} (literally "an anchored woman"), and was not allowed to remarry; in traditional Judaism, divorce can only be initiated by the husband. Prior to modern communication, the death of the husband while in a distant land was a common cause of this situation. In modern times, when a husband refuses to issue a {{transliteration|he|get}} due to money, property, or custody battles, the woman who cannot remarry is considered a {{transliteration|he|[[Agunah#Mesorevet get (Get refusal)|Mesorevet get]]}}, not an agunah. A man in this situation would not be termed a {{transliteration|he|Misarev Get}} (literally, "a refuser of a divorce document"), unless a legitimate Beis Din had required him to issue a Get. The term {{transliteration|he|agunah}} is often used in such circumstances, but it is not technically accurate.

Within both the Conservative and Orthodox communities, there are efforts to avoid situations where a woman is not able to obtain a Jewish divorce from her husband. The {{transliteration|he|[[ketubah]]}} serves this function in [[Conservative Judaism]] in order to prevent husbands from refusing to give their wives a divorce. To do this, the {{transliteration|he|ketubah}} has built in provisions; so, if predetermined circumstances occur, the divorce goes into effect immediately.<ref name=":0">{{cite book |last=Hoffman |first=Lawrence A. |title=Life Cycles in Jewish and Christian Worship |chapter=The Jewish Wedding Ceremony |publisher=University of Notre Dame Press |date=1996 |pages=129–153}}</ref> After the fact, various Jewish and secular legal methods are used to deal with such problems. None of the legal solutions addresses the {{transliteration|he|agunah}} problem in the case of a missing husband.

== Same-sex marriage ==

{{main|Same-sex marriage and Judaism}}

{{See also|Homosexuality and Judaism}}

=== In Orthodox Judaism ===

[[File:Homophobic protestors-02. Haifa 2010.jpg|thumb|right|[[Orthodox Judaism|Orthodox Jewish]] protesters holding anti-LGBT signs during the Gay Pride parade in [[Haifa]], Israel (2010)]]

Orthodox Judaism does not have a [[Same-sex marriage and Judaism|Jewish legal construct of same-gender marriage]]. While any two Jewish adults may be joined by a Jewish legal contract, the rites of {{transliteration|he|kiddushin}} are reserved for a union of a man and woman.

=== In Conservative Judaism ===

In June 2012, the American branch of [[Conservative Judaism]] formally approved same-sex marriage ceremonies in a 13–0 vote with one abstention.<ref name="Press 2015">{{cite web | agency=Associated Press | title=Conservative Jews approve gay wedding guidelines | website=Fox News | date=2015-03-25 | url=https://www.foxnews.com/us/conservative-jews-approve-gay-wedding-guidelines | access-date=2020-11-10}}</ref>

=== In Reform Judaism ===

In 1996, the [[Central Conference of American Rabbis]] passed a resolution approving same-sex civil marriage. However, this same resolution made a distinction between civil marriages and religious marriages; this resolution thus stated:

{{blockquote|However we may understand homosexuality, whether as an illness, as a genetically based dysfunction or as a sexual preference and lifestyle – we cannot accommodate the relationship of two homosexuals as a "marriage" within the context of Judaism, for none of the elements of {{transliteration|he|qiddushin}} (sanctification) normally associated with marriage can be invoked for this relationship.<ref>{{Cite web|url=http://mljewish.org/S.C.J/faq/18-03-08.html|title=MLjewish.org|access-date=2013-04-19|archive-date=2022-01-24|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20220124160434/https://mljewish.org/S.C.J/faq/18-03-08.html|url-status=dead}}</ref>

The Central Conference of American Rabbis support the right of gay and lesbian couples to share fully and equally in the rights of civil marriage, and

That the CCAR oppose governmental efforts to ban gay and lesbian marriage.

That this is a matter of civil law, and is separate from the question of rabbinic officiation at such marriages.{{attribution needed|date=August 2022}}}}

In 1998, an ad hoc CCAR committee on human sexuality issued its majority report (11 to 1, 1 abstention) which stated that the holiness within a Jewish marriage "may be present in committed same gender relationships between two Jews and that these relationships can serve as the foundation of stable Jewish families, thus adding strength to the Jewish community." The report called for CCAR to support rabbis in officiating at same-sex marriages. Also in 1998, the Responsa Committee of the CCAR issued a lengthy {{transliteration|he|teshuvah}} (rabbinical opinion)<ref>{{Cite web|url=http://www.ccarnet.org/cgi-bin/respdisp.pl?file=8&year=5756|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20041217072309/http://www.ccarnet.org/cgi-bin/respdisp.pl?file=8&year=5756|url-status=dead|title=CCARnet.org|archive-date=December 17, 2004}}</ref> that offered detailed argumentation in support of both sides of the question whether a rabbi may officiate at a commitment ceremony for a same-sex couple.

In March 2000, CCAR issued a new resolution stating that "We do hereby resolve that the relationship of a Jewish, same gender couple is worthy of affirmation through appropriate Jewish ritual, and further resolve, that we recognize the diversity of opinions within our ranks on this issue. We support the decision of those who choose to officiate at rituals of union for same-sex couples, and we support the decision of those who do not."

=== In Reconstructionist Judaism ===

The [[Reconstructionist Rabbinical Association]] (RRA) encourages its members to officiate at same-sex marriages, though it does not require it of them.

== See also ==

{{Portal|Judaism}}

{{Commons category|Jewish weddings}}

* [[Jewish prenuptial agreement]]

* {{transliteration|he|[[Negiah]]}} (guidelines for physical contact)

* {{transliteration|he|[[Shadchan]]}} (matchmaker)

* {{transliteration|he|[[Tzniut]]}} (modest behavior)

* {{transliteration|he|[[Yichud]]}} (prohibitions of seclusion with the opposite sex)

==Notes==

{{notelist}}

== References ==

As civil marriage does not exist in Israel, the only institutionalized form of marriage in Israel is the religious one. I.e. marriage must be conducted by a cleric. In specific, marriage of Israeli Jews must be conducted according to Orthodox Jewish [[halakha]]. The subject of marriage in Israel is a very controversial subject, as secular and religious Jews are at odds regarding the establishment of civil marriage in Israel.

{{Reflist}}

{{Marital life in Judaism}}

== External links ==

{{Women in Judaism}}

* [http://www.chabad.org/library/article.asp?AID=108396 What is Wrong with Intermarriage? - ''Key Jewish FAQs '']

{{Jewish life}}

* [http://www.shamash.org/lists/scj-faq/HTML/faq/08-index.html Jewish marriage: Frequently Asked Questions]

{{Jews and Judaism}}

* [http://orthodoxcaucus.org/prenuptial.html The Orthodox Prenuptial Agreement]

* [http://www.clal.org/ss43.html Between Intermarriage and Conversion: Finding a Middle Way]

* [http://www.whymarryjewish.com Why Marry Jewish]. Information from Israel's Chief Ashkenazi Rabbi.

* [http://www.simpletoremember.com/vitals/WillYourGrandchildrenBeJews.htm Will Your Grandchildren Be Jewish?]

[[Category:JudaismJewish marital law| ]]

[[Category:Jewish lawJudaism and ritualssociety|Marriage]]

[[Category:Judaism and womensexuality|Marriage]]

[[Category:Judaism and women|Marriage]]

[[Category:Judaism and children]]

[[Category:Sexuality and age]]

[[Category:Marriage in Judaism| ]]