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{{Short description|1999 single by Cuban Boys}}
{{Use dmy dates|date=November 2020}}
{{Infobox song
| name = Cognoscenti vs. Intelligentsia
| cover = Cognoscenti_vs_Intelligentsia_cover.jpg
| alt =
| type = single
| artist = [[the Cuban Boys]]
| album = [[Eastwood (album)|Eastwood]]
| B-side =
* "Fluorescent Dream Beams"
* "Datacrime"
| released = 13 December 1999<ref name="thecubanboys.co.uk">{{cite web|url=http://www.thecubanboys.co.uk/cuban_cvi.htm|title=Cuban Boys – Cognoscenti Vs Intelligentsia|work=thecubanboys.co.uk|access-date=10 October 2015|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20151019091650/http://thecubanboys.co.uk/cuban_cvi.htm|archive-date=19 October 2015|url-status=usurped}}</ref>
| recorded =
| studio =
| venue =
| genre = [[Dance-pop]]
| length = 3:17
| label = [[EMI]]
| writer =
* [[Roger Miller]]
* The Cuban Boys
| producer = The Cuban Boys
| prev_title = Oh My God! They Killed Kenny!
| prev_year = 1998
| next_title = Inertia Kicks
| next_year = 2000
| misc={{External music video|{{YouTube|fXJ5oaU940U|"Cognoscenti vs Intelligentsia"}}}}
}}
"'''Cognoscenti vs. Intelligentsia'''" (meaning "the experts versus the intellectual elite"), also known as "'''C vs. I'''", is a song by English [[electronic music]] group [[the Cuban Boys]]. The song consists almost in its entirety of an unofficial soundalike [[Sampling (music)|sampled]] [[music loop|loop]] from "[[Robin Hood (1973 film)#Music|Whistle Stop]]" by [[Roger Miller]] which was featured in the [[Walt Disney Pictures|Disney]] movie ''[[Robin Hood (1973 film)|Robin Hood]]'', played at high speed in a manner similar to the classic "Chipmunks" records. The original sample, also sped up, was first featured on the [[Internet]] as part of "[[The Hampster Dance]]" song on the website of the same name.
==Background==
The song was first aired on [[John Peel]]'s [[BBC Radio 1]] show on 7 April 1999, and quickly became one of the most requested songs on his show. After being included on a free sampler [[Compact Disc|CD]] on the industry magazine ''[[The Tip Sheet]]'', the song caught the attention of numerous large [[record label]]s including [[EMI]], [[Parlophone]] and [[RCA]], thanks mostly to the efforts of [[Jonathan King]]. The band eventually signed for EMI. They were given £25,000 to record a video<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXJ5oaU940U|title=Cuban Boys - Cognoscenti vs Intelligentsia|website=[[YouTube]] |language=en|access-date=16 January 2020}}</ref> for the song which ended up featuring a giant [[fibreglass]] [[melon]] covered in [[trifle]] and a live-action hamster singing along.
The song's closing lines are of an announcer of a children's radio show:
<blockquote>
And this is your Uncle Dan saying good night.<br />
Good night, little kids, good night.<br />
We're off? Good, well that oughta hold the little bastards."
</blockquote>
This last line, usually omitted on radio play, is itself a sample from [[Kermit Schafer]]'s 1950s "recreation" of a supposed on-air blooper by 1920s children's radio presenter, "[[Uncle Don]]". In fact, this faux pas is an [[urban legend]].<ref>{{Cite web|url=https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/uncle-don-rumor/|title=Did Uncle Don Call Kids 'Little Bastards' on the Air?|website=www.snopes.com|date=7 February 2020 }}</ref> The sample caused many complaints to the band's label EMI, enough for a [[Parental Advisory]] sticker to be included on the single by the end of the single's first week of release,<ref name="thecubanboys.co.uk" /> presumably by those assuming the song to be aimed at children. Additionally, the sample was left unedited when the song was played by [[Jo Whiley]] on BBC Radio 1 in November, the broadcast of the song which eventually greenlit the single's release by EMI, the sample was again unedited, causing much controversy.<ref name="thecubanboys.co.uk" />
The song itself is, like many recordings by the band, dotted with other humorous quotes from old movies, TV and radio programmes, including the 1965 [[Michael Winner]] movie ''[[You Must Be Joking! (1965 film)|You Must Be Joking!]]'', and at least one from the 1950s dramatization of [[Jules Verne]]'s ''[[Journey to the Center of the Earth]]'': "Don't be too happy. After some of months of this you'll be smacking your lips at the thought of salt beef". The "B-side" tracks on the single exhibit similar traits, with e.g. Fluorescent Dream Beams featuring several samples from 1974's ''[[Phantom of the Paradise]]'', alongside an original vocal. Somewhat ironically, whilst the movie quotes are original, the core sample had to be re-recorded as a close but imperfect soundalike owing to copyright clearance issues - a problem that also plagued several other Cuban Boys singles and many tracks on the ''Eastwood'' album (e.g. ''Kenny'', ''I Like Everybody''), though it is unclear whether the holders refused permission (heavily suggested in the case of ''Inertia Kicks'') or EMI simply declined to pay the licensing fees. It is known that in the case of later single "[[The Hampsterdance Song]]", which was recorded by the group [[The Boomtang Boys]] under the name [[Hampton the Hampster]], Disney did not want the sample to be used. That single also ultimately used a soundalike.<ref name=cbc>{{cite web|url=https://www.cbc.ca/arts/the-oral-history-of-the-hampsterdance-the-twisted-true-story-of-one-of-the-world-s-first-memes-1.4958325|website=CBC|title=The oral history of the Hampsterdance: The twisted true story of one of the world's first memes|date=27 December 2018|access-date=12 May 2020}}</ref>
==Release==
Unlike the later single "[[The Hampsterdance Song]]", "Cognoscenti vs. Intelligentsia" was released without the involvement of the owner of the original website, Deidre LaCarte. LaCarte accused the Cuban Boys of stealing in an article in the Mail on Sunday<ref name=cbc /> Originally scheduled for release as a single in November 1999, the release date was threatened to be pushed back to some time in January 2000 until the song was played on [[Jo Whiley]]'s afternoon radio show. It received the same amount of attention as when it had been played on Peel's show. The decision was made to move the release to 13 December to put it in line for the Christmas number-one slot. It managed to get to number four on the Christmas chart week, being beaten by [[Westlife]]'s "I Have a Dream".<ref name="uk"/> The song did, however, top John Peel's Festive Fifty for that year. In Ireland, the song peaked at number 19 on the week of Christmas.<ref name="ire"/> In March 2000, it made a brief appeared on the [[New Zealand Singles Chart]], peaking at number 27.<ref name="nz"/>
==Reception==
The song garnered extreme reactions. Music journalist [[Charles Shaar Murray]] said the song was "eloquent in its sheer vacuity" during a highbrow debate on ''[[Channel 4 News]]'', and [[Cliff Richard]], whose song "[[The Millennium Prayer]]", which had been number 1 in the three weeks before the chart debut of "Cognoscenti vs. Intelligentsia" and was released to very negative reviews, said the song was "awful" during an appearance on ''[[Newsround]]''.<ref name="thecubanboys.co.uk" />
The band's performance on ''[[Top of the Pops]]'' of the song, reportedly unaired, saw the band dressed in lab coats and covered in cobwebs.<ref name="thecubanboys.co.uk"/> Because of the relative obscurity of the Cuban Boys both before and after the single, they are generally considered to be a [[one-hit wonder]]. The people behind the Cuban Boys went on to score further one-hit wonder successes with a remake of "Rhinestone Cowboy" with [[Glen Campbell]], a novelty kids band called the [[Barndance Boys]], and the US club hit "I Am Gothic" under the name [[Spray (band)|Spray]].
==Track listings==
{{col-begin}}
{{col-2}}
'''UK CD and cassette single'''<ref>{{cite AV media notes|title=Cognoscenti vs. Intelligentsia|others=[[Cuban Boys]]|year=1999|type=UK CD single liner notes|publisher=[[EMI Records]]|id=CDCUBAN 001, 7243 8 87976 2 7}}</ref><ref>{{cite AV media notes|title=Cognoscenti vs. Intelligentsia|others=Cuban Boys|year=1999|type=UK cassette single sleeve|publisher=EMI Records|id=TCCUBAN 001}}</ref>
# "Cognoscenti vs Intelligentsia"
# "Fluorescent Dream Beams"
# "Datacrime"
'''European 12-inch single'''<ref>{{cite AV media notes|title=Cognoscenti vs. Intelligentsia|others=Cuban Boys|year=1999|type=European 12-inch single sleeve|publisher=EMI Records|id=7243 8 87976 6 5}}</ref>
:A1. "Cognoscenti vs Intelligentsia"
:A2. "Cognoscenti vs Intelligentsia" (shuffle mix)
:B1. "Fluorescent Dream Beams"
:B2. "Datacrime"
{{col-2}}
'''European maxi-CD single'''<ref>{{cite AV media notes|title=Cognoscenti vs. Intelligentsia|others=Cuban Boys|year=1999|type=European maxi-CD single liner notes|publisher=EMI Records|id=7243 8 87976 0 3}}</ref>
# "Cognoscenti vs Intelligentsia"
# "Cognoscenti vs Intelligentsia" (radio mix)
# "Fluorescent Dream Beams"
# "Datacrime"
# "Cognoscenti vs Intelligentsia" (shuffle mix)
# "Cognoscenti vs Intelligentsia" (enhanced video)
{{col-end}}
==Charts==
{{col-begin}}
{{col-2}}
===Weekly charts===
{|class="wikitable sortable plainrowheaders" style="text-align:center"
!Chart (1999–2000)
!Peak<br/>position
|-
!scope="row"|Europe ([[European Hot 100 Singles|Eurochart Hot 100]])<ref>{{cite magazine|url=https://worldradiohistory.com/UK/Music-and-Media/00s/2000/MM-2000-01-01.pdf|title=Eurochart Hot 100 Singles|magazine=[[Music & Media]]|volume=17|issue=1|page=17|date=1 January 2000|access-date=22 November 2020}}</ref>
|21
|-
{{single chart|New Zealand|27|artist=Cuban Boys|song=Cognoscenti vs Intelligentsia|rowheader=true|access-date=22 November 2020|refname="nz"}}
|-
{{single chart|Ireland2|19|song=Cognoscenti vs Intelligentsia|rowheader=true|access-date=22 November 2020|refname="ire"}}
|-
{{single chart|Scotland|3|date=19991225|rowheader=true|access-date=22 November 2020}}
|-
{{single chart|UK|4|date=19991225|rowheader=true|access-date=22 November 2020|refname="uk"}}
|}
{{col-2}}
===Year-end charts===
{|class="wikitable plainrowheaders" style="text-align:center"
!Chart (1999)
!Position
|-
!scope="row"|UK Singles (OCC)<ref>{{cite magazine|title=Best Sellers of 1999: Singles Top 100|magazine=Music Week|page=27|date=22 January 2000}}</ref>
|90
|}
{{col-end}}
==References==
{{Reflist}}
{{authority control}}
[[Category:1999 songs]]
[[Category:1999 singles]]
[[Category:EMI Records singles]]
[[Category:Songs written by Roger Miller]]
[[Category:British dance songs]]
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