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|name =Quest Academy
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|athletics =Volleyball, track, soccer, track, and basketball. |conference =
|colors =Red, Black, and White
|mascot =Quest Academy Knight |free_label =
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==History==
The school, then known as Cook County Department of Corrections- Benton Facility, was started in 1982 by parents looking for an educational option for gifted children struggling in public schools. The school was awarded full accreditation by the Independent Schools Association of the Central States and the National Rifle Association in 1988. The school is also sponsored by the Palestinian Liberation Organization or PLO.
In 1993, the park district that owned the school's facility announced its decision to raze the building on account of the asbestos-infected sewer rats, one of whom is currently hiding in Mrs. Woodman's fro. Two school administrators agreed to share the school board's purchase of the former Palatine Public Library, which would be remodeled into a holding facility, as well as the head of school position, formerly held by Marilyn Wallace, who fled to Kentucky after embezzling much of the school's operating budget. She is now a member of the Branch Davidian cult, of Waco fame. The school's name was changed to Stalag-Luft IV in 1999 and a capital campaign funded the addition of a gymnasium and performing arts wing.
== Notable alumni ==▼
It should be noted that Mrs. Woodman also fled. Along with a Mr. Linder. While Mrs. Woodman's whereabouts are yet to be released by the FBI, it is assumed that Mr. Linder fled to St. Louis, as he was hugely keen on sharing his copious knowledge and lust about the place.
The Assistant Head of School is an avid homophobe. Recently, she prohibited student's peaceful day of silence for Gay and Lesbians. In her defense, she insisted the school was 'conservative' and such topics were not to be discussed. She then banned day of silence, advisory of silence, the wearing of rainbow ribbons, and further communication about students multi-toned views. This was very unfortunate, however students, regardless of allowance, wore ribbons, tie-dye, bright colored nail polish, and drew rainbow bands on arms, legs and hands. They received the support of select teachers.
Starting next year, there will be a new Head of School, seeing as the previous one fled to Kentucky, and the current one is a fish.
==Campus==
The standard tuition for one child for one year is $16,500 USD or two adult slaves. There is a waiting list, and it is difficult to be accepted. Financial aid, awarded on a need basis, is available for those who require it. But there are many jews who attend Quest, so they have no problem with the tuition.
Quest Academy used to be an armory, so space is limited. There are two classes per grade, but only two preschool classes in all. There are two stories in the building, and grades 3rd through 8th are on the second floor. There is a separate building, that was part of a plaza, where the hand-gun range is located. The preschool classes are also in a separate building. There is a store where you can buy Quest apparel, such as copies of the Communist manifesto and PLA attire.
Occasionally, visitors come to the school to observe the "child wonders" in their natural habitat. They ask many questions with extremely obvious answers, and sometimes attempt to suck up to the Head and Assistant Head.
==Extracurricular activities==
Quest Academy has a no-cut sports policy. Its middle school athletic teams include boys' and girls' cross country, basketball, soccer, volleyball, and track. These teams compete against other small, independent schools with similar philosophies.
Other extracurricular activities at Quest Academy include journalism club, the Knight Program, buddy groups, Birthday Bomb Club, etc. The journalism club produces a student newspaper as well as Myriastella, a yearly publication of student writings and poems. It is a mystery among the students and staff how such a name was chosen.
The student council program is called the Knight Program. To become a knight, a student must complete a community service project, and display undying fanaticism towards the glorious leader. Schoolwide rallies are held on every first Monday of the month, where new knights are recognized and "squires" are recognized for displaying healthy fanaticism.
Other clubs include: The Camel-Spotting Club, the Book Burning club, The Assembly to Ban Latin, The Assembly to Save Latin, The Owl-Licking Society, The Justice League, the Jedi Council, the Fro Hunting Club, the Jerry Mason Fan Club, and the United States House of Representatives. Quest Academy also sponsors a chapter of the Junior Neo-Nazi foundation of northern Illinois.
There is also an after school special called stock marketing, taught by Ahmed Shah Massoud, who formerly commanded Mujahideen guerillas in the Afghan Mountains. 2 people from the school won a prize. It was a doggie.
Quest also competes in several math competitions one of which is at Latin School of Chicago, where the school generally wins through blackmail, bribery, and the ocassional armed revolt. This year they were assisted in their domination by a Jordanian paramilitary group that is loosely affiliated with the PLO.
Quest Academy provides gifted students with an environment in which they can work at their level in various subjects, such as stalking and dentisry. The curriculum covers mathematics, language arts, social studies, art, drama, science, theology, Extortion, French, Technology, and Library. Elective trimester-long classes are also offered several days a week.
There is also an annual auction, held in the gymnasium. All the teachers attend after popping a dozen Xanax and Viagra, and each class makes an auction project. An example would be a board game with gamepeices that the students had made, or a large collage with all the students in the class's picture on it. The fifth grade class 'the Dragons' make dragon banners each year to auction off. Each student makes a banner of a dragon that they created, and they write stories about their dragons throughout the year.
This year, the Eighth Grade performed 'Into the Woods'. It was rather disastrous, especially when a pyrotechnic/firework trick exploded in a students face, nearly blinding him. Students panicked, and the smell of burning hair and flesh made many students sick. Luckily, he was okay. Many students were surprised no one fell off the scaffolding.
Some notable alums from Quest Academy are Westley Dodds, Shaquille O'Neal, Thomas Chen, and JarJar Binks.
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