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==Short examples II==
<!--===Exercise 7===
|1=Problem text
|2=Predominantly a ‘lifestyle’ condition, the metabolic syndrome is most likely to occur in adults who are overweight or obese, have an unhealthy diet, low levels of physical activity and cardiovascular fitness.
{{editing exercise
|1=What is the issue?
|2=Listing technique, which is an important part of writing. A high proportion of sentences in running prose are lists, even where the items are not explicitly numbered or bulleted.
}}
{{editing exercise
|2=Think about the placement of the commas and the use of "and". Commas and "and" are two of the commonest boundaries you can use between the items; but they need to be logically arranged or the reader will glaze over and not bother absorbing your list.
}}
{{editing exercise
|1=Hint 2
|2=How many items are there on the uppermost "rank"?
}}
{{editing exercise
|1=Hint 3
|2=On the uppermost rank, there are three items, because the verbal leads into them are quite different (see the square-bracketed text in each case).
*<font color=red>(1) are</font> overweight or obese;
*<font color=red>(2) have</font> an unhealthy diet;
*<font color=red>(3) have low levels of</font> physical activity and cardiovascular fitness.
Items 1 and 3 are actually each two sub-items (i.e., on the next rank down). Call them 1a and 1b, if you like:
*<font color=red>1.1 are</font> overweight
*<font color=red>1.2 [are]</font> obese
*<font color=red>2 have</font> an unhealthy diet
*<font color=red>3.1 [have] low levels of</font> physical activity
*<font color=red>3.2 [have low levels of]</font> cardiovascular fitness"
The [[Ellipsis (linguistics)|ellipsis]], where words are just assumed in subsequent items, are in square brackets; the ellipses bind together the structure of the list.
In our possible solution below, <s>we found it easiest to conflate these into two items on the top rank (1, 2.1, 2.2.1 and 2.2.2)</s> errr, I have to work this out. Think what they might be, and then have a peek at Hint 4.
}}
{{editing exercise
|1=Hint 4
|2=*<font color=red>1.1</font> are overweight
*<font color=red>1.2 [are]</font> obese
*<font color=red>2 have</font> an unhealthy diet
*<font color=red>3.1 have low levels of</font> physical activity
*<font color=red>3.1.2 [have low levels of]</font> cardiovascular fitness
}}
{{editing exercise
|1=Possible solution
|2=*Predominantly a ‘lifestyle’ condition, the metabolic syndrome is most likely to occur in adults who are overweight or obese, have an unhealthy diet, and have low levels of physical activity and cardiovascular fitness.
Here's the original, for comparison:
*Predominantly a ‘lifestyle’ condition, the metabolic syndrome is most likely to occur in adults who are overweight or obese, have an unhealthy diet, low levels of physical activity and cardiovascular fitness.
}}
-->
===Exercise 7: Market town===
{{editing exercise
|1=Problem text
|2=Navenby, which has Bronze Age, Roman and Medieval heritage, was made a market town with charters from Edward the Confessor, William Rufus, and Richard II. However, the market fell into disuse in the early 19th century.
[There's one issue.]
{{editing exercise
|1=Where is the issue?
|2=Navenby, which has Bronze Age, Roman and Medieval heritage, was made a market town with charters from Edward the Confessor, William Rufus, and Richard II<font color=maroonred>'''. However,'''</font> the market fell into disuse in the early 19th century.
}}
{{editing exercise
|1=Solution
|2=Navenby, which has Bronze Age, Roman and Medieval heritage, was made a market town with charters from Edward the Confessor, William Rufus, and Richard II;<font color=maroonred>'''; however,</font><font color=darkgreen> despite this long heritage,'''</font> the market fell into disuse in the early 19th century.
}}
{{editing exercise
|1=Explanation
|2=<font color=maroondarkgreen>'''However'''</font> tells your reader that you're going to contradict or change the previous angle in some way; but just how this is the case is not sufficiently clear. We've guessed that the writer's point is ironic, and reinforced the close relationship with a semicolon rather than a period.
}}
=== Exercise 8: FA Cup Final ===
{{editing exercise
|1=Problem text
{{editing exercise
|1=Where is the issue?
|2=The middle phrase ("in an FA Cup Final").
|2=Move the middle phrase ("in an FA Cup Final").
}}
|1=Solution
|2=Montgomery's feat is often described as the most famous save of all time in an FA Cup Final.
*Now try two harder examples from the same Wikipedia article, below.
}}
=== Exercise 9: Sunderland ===
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|1=Problem text
{{editing exercise
|1=Where is the issue?
|2=Sunderland required only a draw in their final game against rivals Chelsea, who had another game left to play after this match<font color=maroonred>''', to secure promotion'''</font>.
}}
=== Exercise 10: shots at the goal ===
{{editing exercise
|1=Problem text
{{editing exercise
|1=Where is the issue?
|2=The first chain is too long; the second fragment (after the semicolon) is too short. Try recasting the join between them, including a different punctuation mark and different grammar.
}}
{{editing exercise
|1=Solution
|2=Sunderland, a Second Division club at the time, won the ga<font colour=darkgreen>'''me; th'''</font>is was mostly due to the efforts of their goalkeeper Jimmy Montgome<font colour=darkgreen>'''ry, who''' </font>saved in quick succession two of Peter Lorimer's shots at the goal in quick succession.
}}
{{editing exercise
|1=''Where'' the issues are
|2=<font color=darkred>'''The Association'''</font> ranks <font color=darkredred>'''her'''</font> as the eighth-best-selling female artist in American music history, <font color=darkredred>'''having sold'''</font> 32 million albums in the US.
}}
{{editing exercise
|1=Explanation
|2=Reversing the order of the segments and using the passive voice is one way of ensuring that it is ''she'' and not ''the Association'' is clearly conveyed as having sold 32 million albums in the US. We usually try to ration the use of the passive voice, but here, it works quite well.
}}
==Short examples III==
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