User:Tony1/Exercises in textual flow: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 02:48, 7 August 2006

Revision as of 01:53, 10 August 2006

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<font color=greenmidnightblue>QUESTION A</font><br/><font color=midnightblue>The Earth's atmosphere has no definite boundary, slowly becoming thinner until <br/>it fades into outer space. Three-quarters of the atmosphere's mass, however, is <br/>contained within the first 11 kilometres of the planet's surface.

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<font color=green>SOLUTION</font> </div><div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;"><b><font color=green>The Earth's atmosphere has no definite boundary, slowly becoming thinner until <br/>it fades into outer space. Three-quarters of the atmosphere's mass<s><font color=crimson>, however,</s></font> is <br/>contained within the first 11 kilometres of the planet's surface.</b>

</b>*The second sentence just adds more information, so "however", with its commas, <br/>should be removed.</div>

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<font color=greenmidnightblue>QUESTION B</font><br/><font color=midnightblue>He is the elder brother of Oasis frontman Liam Gallagher and the two are <br/>well-known as squabbling siblings.

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<font color=green>SOLUTION</font> </div><div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;"><b><font color=green>He is the elder brother of Oasis frontman Liam Gallagh<font color=crimson>er; th</font>e two are <br/>well-known as squabbling siblings.</b><br/>

*In most contexts, announcing that they're brothers and telling us that they squabble will be too different to belong in the one sentence, particularly a short one. Inserting a comma before "and" would be better than nothing, but a semicolon instead of "and" provides a more distinct boundary between the ideas.

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<font color=greenmidnightblue>QUESTION C</font><br/><font color=midnightblue>The accusations were largely directed towards senior civil servants, particularly in the <br/>Home Office, but also included officers of the diplomatic core.

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<font color=green>SOLUTION</font> </div><div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;"><b><font color=green>The accusations were largely directed towards senior civil servants, particularly in the <br/>Home Office, <font color=crimson><s>but also</s> and</font> included officers of the diplomatic core.</b>

</b>*The relationship is additive, not contrastive.

*"Largely" already indicates that the accusations were directed at other people as well.

*Therefore, "and", not "but" should link to what is simply additional, expected information.