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===1 - Well written===
====a - Clear and concise prose====
The article is definitely readable and understandable. It does explain the main aspect of the gameplay pretty well, especially since I have never played this game before. There are some prose errors in the article
Here is what they are and what I recommend changing them to:
*{{!xt |...wherin the player advances through scenes...}} to {{xt |...wherein the player advances through scenes...}}
*{{!xt |The science fiction chapters of the story follow the explorer as she journeys towards Planet X,}} to {{xt |The science fiction chapters of the story follows the explorer, Doctor Cassiopeia, as she journeys towards Planet X,}}
*{{!xt |...returning to her home town in Achill Island...}} to {{xt |...returning to her hometown in Achill Island...}}
*{{!xt |...her older brother Fergal and mother Brid,}} to {{xt |...her older brother Fergal and her mother Brid,}}
*{{!xt |After a fight with her mother over her feminine clothes...}} to {{xt |After a fight with her mother over Kasio's feminine clothes...}}
*{{!xt |...abandoned, decrepit house they are squatting in.}} to {{xt |...abandoned, decrepit house that the band is squatting in.}}
*{{!xt |...through a hole in the abandoned house's roof; the next morning,}} to {{xt |...through a hole in the abandoned house's roof. The next morning,}}
*{{!xt |...Shans informs Kasio that she agreed to run away together to Dublin as a couple.}} to {{xt |...Shans informs Kasio that he wants him and Kasio to run away together to Dublin as a couple.}}
*{{!xt |...despite Colum and Jack's upset with Kasio.}} to {{xt |...despite Colum and Jack being upset with Kasio.}}
*{{!xt |...unworthiness to stay with Maggy, and rejected by Shans who tells her...}} to {{xt |...unworthiness to stay with Maggy, and from being rejected by Shans, who tells her...}}
*{{!xt |...and put it in the letter box for a woman...}} to {{xt |...and put it in the letterbox for a woman...}}
*{{!xt |...by Irish developer Dreamfeel; studio director Llaura McGee was...}} to {{xt |...by Irish developer Dreamfeel. Studio director Llaura McGee was...}}
*{{xt |It was published by Annapurna Interactive and released for Microsoft Windows, macOS, and iOS devices on May 19, 2020, and for the Nintendo Switch on October 22, 2020.[1][3][4]}} should preferably be put at the end of the development section.
*{{!xt |...Initial development on the game began in 2016; McGee sent a proposed design...}} to {{xt |...Initial development on the game began in 2016. McGee sent a proposed design...}}
*{{!xt |...dark hole within Kasio preventing her from having relationships, or missing altogether.}} to {{xt |...dark hole within Kasio preventing her from having relationships, or missing the relationships altogether.}}
I believe that's it. Hope you get to correcting them. [[User:Lazman321|Lazman321]] ([[User talk:Lazman321|talk]]) 13:51, 4 February 2021 (UTC)
====b - Adherence to the Manual of Style====
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