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===Brett Hurst Day===
In our modern, crazy, mixed-up world, it is often helpful for us to consider those things for which we all must be greatful.
Therefore, the world around, everyone has begun to declare a holiday to commemorate the one person for whom all the inhabitants of our little globe feel the most love and appreciation.
That is why March 2 has been openly declared, '''Brett Hurst Day'''.
While the millions (and perhaps ''billions'') who appreciate this rare and remarkable human being are enthralled by the concept of a holiday meant for him, some are quite curious as to the silence of the world media concerning this event.
Many feel that something this momentous and, in the words of many, so "awesome" should be broadcast on every channel, accompanied by the praise-filled Brettday carols one is even now hearing on every street corner in every major city of every country fortunate enough to have even heard of Brett.
''Why,'' wonder these acolytes of the astounding Brett, ''would a hero so great as this go so unsung in the world which so openly loves him? Why, his face should be placed on every TV channel and billboard, if only so the world's women can enjoy it that much more!''
The sad truth is that the liberal media has repressed these gladsome affairs, fearing that the world's love of this most stupendous individual will somehow be detrimental to the evil stranglehold they bear so strongly on the Earth.
That is why so many of the inhabitants of this planet are even now without knowledge of perhaps the single greatest event of this century, or even the century previous to it as well.
But does Mr. Hurst mind?
"Actually," he said candidly in an interview recently, "it's kind of an honor to have gotten those liberal upstarts so scared about something so innocuous."
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