User:Tony1/Advanced editing exercises: Difference between revisions

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This is a set of exercises in which you are presented with a portion of faulty text.

Agriculture continues to be a major part of the economy of Somerset. Apple orchards were once plentiful, and to this day the county is linked to the production of strong cider. The unemployment rate in the county is lower than the surrounding counties. The largest employment sectors are retail, manufacturing, leisure/tourism, and health/social care.

*First, read the text carefully and try to determine where and how it can be improved.

*Click on [Show] on the right-margin below this text to discover ''where'' the text is faulty.

*Click on [Show] to display our suggested solution, with explanations below.

The examples are all taken from featured article candidates.

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<font color=black>There are three issues.

*A problem of logic.

*A false comparison.

*A MOS breach.

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<b><font color=midnightblue>LOCATIONSHINT: WHAT THE ISSUES ARE

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<font color=black>There are four issues.

<font color=black>LOCATIONS: Agriculture continues to be a major part of the economy of Somerset. Apple orchards <br/>were once plentiful, <font color=red>and<font color=midnightblue> to this day the county is linked to the production of strong cider. The unemployment rate in the county is lower than the<font color=midnightblue> surrounding counties. The largest employment sectors are retail, manufacturing, <font color=red>leisure/tourism<font color=midnightblue>and <font color=red>health/social care<font color=midnightblue>.

*A problem of logic and of vagueness.

*A wrong lexical item (that needs to be substituted with a more appropriate item).

*A false comparison.

*A MOS breach.

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<b><font color=midnightblue>HINT: WHERE THE ISSUES ARE LOCATED

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<font color=midnightblue>QUESTION A: Agriculture continues to be a major part of the economy of Somerset. Apple orchards <br/><font color=red> were once plentiful, and <font color=midnightblue>to this day the county is <font color=red>linked to <font color=midnightblue>the production of strong cider. The unemployment rate in the county is <font color=red>lower than the<font color=midnightblue> surrounding counties. The largest employment sectors are retail, manufacturing, <font color=red>leisure/tourism, <font color=midnightblue>and <font color=red>health/social<font color=midnightblue> care.

<b><font color=midnightblue

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<b><font color=midnightblue>LOCATIONS: Agriculture continues to be a major part of the economy of Somerset. Apple <br/>orchards were once plentiful, <font color=red>and<font color=midnightblue> to this day the county is linked to the production of strong cider. The unemployment rate in the county is lower than the<font color=midnightblue> surrounding counties. The largest employment sectors are retail, manufacturing, <font color=red>leisure/tourism<font color=midnightblue>and <font color=red>health/social care<font color=midnightblue>.

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<b><font color=midnightblue>THE SOLUTION

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<b><font color=darkgreenmidnightblue>SOLUTION A: ''CoronationAgriculture Street''continues isto Britain'sbe longest-runninga televisionmajor soappart opera,of the economy of Somerset. Apple orchards <br/>first<font broadcastcolor=red><s> onwere Fridayonce 9plentiful</s><font Decembercolor=brown> 1960have inbeen theplentiful Granadafor regionmore ofthan ITV.five Thecenturies, programand<font hascolor=midnightblue> consistentlyand beento thethis mostday highlythe ratedcounty is <font color=red><s>program<fontlinked color=darkgreen>to</s> on British television.known for<font color=red><smidnightblue>Since itsthe launch,<fontproduction color=darkgreen></s>of ''Coronationstrong Street''cider. hasThe airedunemployment rate in manythe countriescounty is lower than <font color=redbrown><s>worldwidethat of<font color=darkgreenmidnightblue></s>, includingthe Canada,surrounding Australia,counties. BelgiumThe andlargest Holland,employment andsectors hasare retail, manufacturing, <font color=red><s>alsoleisure/tourism</s> <font color=darkgreen></sbrown>leisure beenand translatedtourism<font intocolor=midnightblue><font fivecolor=brown>, languages. Its<font storylines have covered diversecolor=midnightblue>and <font color=red><s>topicshealth/social care</s> and<font color=darkgreen></sbrown>health themes,and includingsocial death,care<font marriage, divorce and murdercolor=black>.</b><font color=black>

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*'''The problem of logic and of vagueness:''' "Once" suggests that the orchards were plentiful at some time in the past and are no longer so; but the subsequent clause implies that plentiful orchards have ever since been and still are plentiful, since the county is known for its apple cider. An indication of when "in the past" was is required, even if as vague as "for at least five centuries". We have guessed a solution; the author(s) need to be asked to check this. <font color=black>

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*'''A wrong lexical item:''' "Linked to" is ambiguous; "known for" is presumably what the author intended. <font color=black>

*"Since its launch" is logically assumed.

*'''A false comparison:''' The unemployment rate in Somerset is being compared with the unemployment rate in the surrounding counties, not with the counties themselves; "that of" can stand for "the unemployment rate of" those other counties.<font color=black>

*The second "program" can be ''ellided''.

*'''A MOS breach:''' Slashes are [[Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style#Slashes|usually avoided]].

*"Worldwide" doesn't say much after "In many countries"; it implies that these countries are widely spread around the world, but this is obvious from the subsequent list.

*"Also", as usual, is idle.

*"Topics" is logically assumed from the context; the list is of themes, not topics, so the sentence is improved by the removal.

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