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==Short examples IV==
===Exercise 19''Windseeker''===
{{editing exercise
|1=Problem text
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{{editing exercise
|1=What is the issue?
|2=The compound hyphenated structure is clunky, especially with WP's unit conversion. Is there a simple solution?
}}
 
{{editing exercise
|1=Hint 1
|2=Try rearranging the order of the wording within "a new 301-foot (92 m)-tall swing ride"; you'll need to change the grammar.
}}▼
 
{{editing exercise▼
|1=Hint 2
|2="a swing ride ...".
}}
 
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===ExerciseStone 20curtain wall===
{{editing exercise
|1=Problem text
|2=The castle is oval, with an 11-metre (35 ft) wide stone curtain wall.▼
|2=The castle has been the subject of antiquarian studies since the 18th century, and it was originally thought to have been the ___location of an Iron Age hill fort.▼
}}
 
{{editing exercise
|1=What is the issue?
|2=Even without Wikipedia's necessary binary international/US unit conversions, this is a cumbersome expression, and strictly speaking requires a triple unit, hyphenated: "The castle is oval, with an 11-metre-wide stone curtain wall."▼
|2=One word could be removed, to bring two benefits.▼
}}
 
{{editing exercise
|1=Hint
|2=Change the word order.
|2="Ellipsis", it's called.
}}
 
{{editing exercise
|1=Solution
|2=The castle hasis been the subject of antiquarian studies since the 18th centuryoval, andwith <font color=darkgreen>'''<s>it</s>'''</font>a wasstone originallycurtain thoughtwall to11 havemetres been(35 theft) ___location of an Iron Age hill fortwide'''</font>.
▲}}
 
*Smoother, and no hyphens are required.▼
▲{{editing exercise
|1=Explanation▼
|2=Two benefits: first, the ellipsis, in which the readers effortlessly assume the invisible presence of the now-missing word, is neater; second, there were two singular nouns that "it" might have referred to, and the reader has to work just a little to get over that fuzziness, even though it's obvious "it" doesn't refer to "the 18th century".▼
}}
 
===Castle===
 
===Exercise 21===
{{editing exercise
|1=Problem text
▲|2=The castle has been the subject of antiquarian studies since the 18th century, and it was originally thought to have been the ___location of an Iron Age hill fort.
▲|2=The castle is oval, with an 11-metre (35 ft) wide stone curtain wall.
}}
 
{{editing exercise
|1=What is the issue?
▲|2=One word could be removed, to bring two benefits.
▲|2=Even without Wikipedia's necessary binary international/US unit conversions, this is a cumbersome expression, and strictly speaking requires a triple unit, hyphenated: "The castle is oval, with an 11-metre-wide stone curtain wall."
}}
 
{{editing exercise
|1=Hint
|2=ChangeUse the wordtechnique orderof [[ellipsis]].
}}
 
{{editing exercise
|1=Solution
|2=The castle has been the subject of antiquarian studies since the 18th century, and <font color=red>'''<s>it</s>'''</font> was originally thought to have been the ___location of an Iron Age hill fort.
|2=The castle is oval, with a stone curtain wall 11 metres (35 ft) wide.
}}
▲*Smoother, and no hyphens are required.
 
{{editing exercise
▲|1=Explanation
▲|2=Two benefits:. firstFirst, the ellipsis, in which the readers effortlessly assume the invisible presence of the now-missing word,; this is neater;. secondSecond, there"it" werecould have referred two singular nouns: that"the 18th century"it, "the mightsubject", haveor referred"the tocastle", and the reader has to work just a little to get over that fuzziness, even though it's obvious "it" doesn't refer to "the 18th century".
}}
 
 
===ExerciseWilliam 22de Neville===
{{editing exercise
|1=Problem text
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{{editing exercise
|1=Solution
|2=..., in the late 12th centu<font color=darkgreenred>'''ry, which'''</font> would make it contemporary with other castles in Greater Manchester, such as Dunham and Stockport.
 
*But now there's a succession of commas, so it might be better to retain the semicolon and make the text that follows it a proper sentence:
 
**..., in the late 12th centu<font color=darkgreenred>'''ry; this'''</font> would make it contemporary with other castles in Greater Manchester such as Dunham and Stockport.
}}
 
 
===ExerciseCope 23versus Darwin===
{{editing exercise
|1=The problem text
Line 666 ⟶ 671:
{{editing exercise
|1=A solution
|2=Due to his background in taxonomy and paleontology, Cope <font color=red>'''focused on''' evolution <font color=darkgreen>'''in terms of'''</font> changing <font color=red>'''structure'''</font>, rather than Darwin's strategy of<font color=red>'''strategy of emphasising'''</font> geography and variation within populations.
}}
 
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===ExerciseRecord 24number of goals===
{{editing exercise
|1=The problem text
Line 683 ⟶ 688:
{{editing exercise
|1=Hints
|2=Is it a "''because/sincecausal'' as" or aan "''whileat-the-same-time-as'' as"? "As" in this sense is a badly engineered word in English and is often better avoidedsubstituted. Peter Lee is over-described if "two more than" is there. Lose four words and simplify the structure to avoid the "as" problem.
}}
 
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===ExerciseThree-blade 25turbines===
{{editing exercise
|1=The problem text
Line 702 ⟶ 707:
{{editing exercise
|1=Hint
|2="Design" appears twice, which is repeated.a Thelittle causalboring. relationshipIt betweenlinks the two ideas in the sentence causally, but this causal relationship doesn't need to be explicitly flagged by a word such aslike "as".
}}
 
{{editing exercise
|1=There are two alternatives
|1=Two alternative solutions
|2=The first is:
|2=:*"Three blades minimise forces related to material fatigue, and are the most common design for modern wind turbines."
 
Alternatively, you could change the grammatical ''theme'' (the writer's point of departure for the message, the "what I'm going to tell you about"):
:*"The most common design for modern windmills is a three-blade turbine, which minimises forces related to material fatigue."▼
 
▲:"The most common design for modern windmills is a three-blade turbine, which minimises forces related to material fatigue."
 
For one angle on grammatical theme, see [[Thematic equative]].
}}
 
<!--===[[Woody Guthrie]] (3)===
After his discharge, they moved into a house on Mermaid Avenue in [[Coney Island]], and over time had four children. One of their children, Cathy, died as a result of a fire at age four, sending Guthrie into a serious depression.
 
After his discharge, they moved into a house on Mermaid Avenue in [[Coney Island]], where they had four children. One, Cathy, died as a result of a fire at age four, sending Guthrie into a serious depression.-->
 
==Longer examples==
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