Wikipedia:Peer review/Excel Saga/archive1: Difference between revisions
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:::*to be continued... --<span style="font-family:monospace"> [[User:Grm_wnr|grm_wnr]] </span>[[User_talk:Grm_wnr|<span style="border:1px solid;color:black;font-size:9px;padding:2px 1px 0px 1px">Esc</span>]] 12:16, 7 June 2006 (UTC)
::::I was planning on adding references to Puni Puni Poemy and other international versions in the main article, under Production. Perhaps you're right that "Characters" should come before plot--I'll think on this. Reading [[fourth wall]] makes me think it's appropriate (Excle on at least two occasions criticizes giving other characters better cuts, on several occasions talks about being a character and what the production staff are doing, and then there's Nabeshin per se), but I'll think more on it.--[[User:Monocrat|Monocrat]] 12:56, 7 June 2006 (UTC)
:::*Okay, I'll continue the list here for clarity. The fourth wall thing is debatable, I have no strong feelings against it either.
:::**'''Production'''
:::***"...neighborhood trash collection days. In addition to inserting Fukuokan sayings, ..." — The switch between generally Japanese issues and Fukuokan specialities is really abrupt. The two points need to lead into each other.
:::***Anime adaption section — As I said, mabe a few basic facts from the lead need to be restated here.
:::***"While perhaps the most notable parody of another work in the manga" - I'd switch the order of that sentence, starting the section about the anime with what is most important on the manga really threw me off track (I originally thought the anime section had ended after only one paragraph).
:::***"authorization scenes" — I'd like to see more of an explanation of what that actually means. It is explained, but I don't think it's entirely clear to a reader without prior knowledge that an anime representation of Rikuda appears and gives the following episode his personal stamp of approval (more or less volantarily).
:::***"voice actors (声優, Sēyū?)" — Ah, the [[Seiyū]] thing. I'm not of the opinion that there's a real difference between "seiyū" and "voice actor", though I know that this is a permanent issue in fan circles. At the very least, I'd leave out the Kanji - this is not a name, only a technical term. The compromise solution I propose is "... prominent [[Seiyū|voice actors]], including ..." (note the link target).
:::***Speaking of names, isn't the really 100% super correct name for the band "Excel♥Girls", not "Excel Girls"?
:::***"the twenty-sixth episode, "Going Too Far," never aired" — as said above, make sure that it never aired in any country, or change "never" to "in its original run on TV Tokyo".
:::*still to be continued... --<span style="font-family:monospace"> [[User:Grm_wnr|grm_wnr]] </span>[[User_talk:Grm_wnr|<span style="border:1px solid;color:black;font-size:9px;padding:2px 1px 0px 1px">Esc</span>]] 14:08, 7 June 2006 (UTC)
:I was going to go through and change these things myself, but since there is a peer review running I might as well suggest changes here instead.
#"Although they differ in subplots and other details" could be "Although the manga and anime differ in subplots and other details" just because that is better prose.
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