User:Tony1/Exercises in textual flow: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 14:35, 30 July 2006

Revision as of 15:03, 30 July 2006

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===Exercise 1: paragraphing===

Here'sHere’s a fat, grey paragraph that functions as the lead of an FAC. It needs to be broken up into, let'slet’s say, four manageable portions. There are a number of ways of dividing it, so we can offer only a suggested solution.

'''Your task''' is to identify three statements within the paragraph that appear to take a fresh direction. Check that each of these statements can function as a "theme"“theme”, that is, as a logical, cohesive subsidiary topic within the lead. To perform this function, each statement that you identify must be followed by extensions or enhancements of the idea that it introduces.

<div style="padding:10px; background-color:#E6E6FA">'''The Sun''' is the star at the centre of our solar system. The Earth and other matter (including other planets, asteroids, meteoroids, comets and dust) orbit the Sun, which by itself accounts for more than 99% of the solar system'ssystem’s mass. Energy from the Sun—in the form of sunlight, supports almost all life on Earth via photosynthesis, and, via heating from insolation—drives the Earth'sEarth’s climate and weather. About 74% of the Sun'sSun’s mass is hydrogen, 25% is helium, and the rest is made up of trace quantities of heavier elements. The Sun is about 4.6 billion years old and is about halfway through its main-sequence evolution, during which nuclear fusion reactions in its core fuse hydrogen into helium. Each second, more than four million tonnes of matter are converted into energy within the Sun'sSun’s core, producing neutrinos and solar radiation. In about five billion years, the Sun will evolve into a red giant and then a white dwarf, creating a planetary nebula in the process. The Sun is a magnetically active star; it supports a strong, changing magnetic field that varies from year to year and reverses direction about every 11 years. The Sun'sSun’s magnetic field gives rise to many effects that are collectively called solar activity, including sunspots on the surface of the Sun, solar flares, and variations in the solar wind that carry material through the solar system. The effects of solar activity on Earth include auroras at moderate to high latitudes, and the disruption of radio communications and electric power. Solar activity is thought to have played a large role in the formation and evolution of the solar system, and strongly affects the structure of Earth'sEarth’s outer atmosphere. Although it is the nearest star to Earth and has been intensively studied by scientists, many questions about the Sun remain unanswered; these include why its outer atmosphere has a temperature of over a million degrees K when its visible surface (the photosphere) has a temperature of just 6000 K. Current topics of scientific enquiry include the sun'sSun’s regular cycle of sunspot activity, the physics and origin of solar flares and prominences, the magnetic interaction between the chromosphere and the corona, and the origin of the solar wind.</div>

When you'veyou’ve identified the three statements, have a look at our [[User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 2a: exercises in textual flow#Exercise 1: suggested solution|<b>suggested solution</b>]]. But first ...

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Perhaps you'dyou’d like a hint as to what the "theme"“theme” of each of the four new, shorter paragraphs might be?

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Including the start, the four themes of the lead could be:

*introduction;

*evolution/energy production (i.e., introduced by first fresh statement that you'veyou’ve identified);

*magnetic and other solar activity; and

*unanswered questions.</b>

Before you hit “suggested solution”, go back to the exercise and see if you’ve chosen the same boundaries.</b>

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===Exercise 2: sentence length===

Each of these sentences is too long. Typically, the author has tried to cram too many related ideas into the sentence. For each exercise, identify where and how to split the sentence for easier reading. The "where"“where” is easy enough—aim for roughly equal parts either side of the split; the "how"“how” is more challenging—sometimes you'llyou’ll have to change the grammar a little.

For each question, hit "“<font color=mediumblue>[Show]</font>"“ in the upper box to reveal a hint. Then hit "“<font color=mediumblue>[Show]</font>"“ in the lower box to reveal the solution.

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*A good ___location for a break is about half-way through (<font color=crimson>red</font>).

*You ''could'' start your new, second sentence with "This“This ..."”.

*However, being singular, "this"“this” could refer back to any of the four singular items in the first sentence: "Gregorian“Gregorian chant"chant”, "best“best-known repertory"repertory”, "plainchant"“plainchant”, or "a“a form of monophonic, unaccompanied sacred song"song”. That would be very fuzzy.

*To make it clear, you'llyou’ll need to restate one of these items at the start of your new sentence.

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<font color=green>QUESTION B</font><br/>However, ardent debate between political factions known as the Federalists and <br/>anti-Federalists ensued over the balance between strengthening the nation'snation’s <br/>government and weakening the rights of the people who just 10 years earlier had <br/> rebelled against the perceived tyranny of George III of England, particularly his <br/>unwillingness to change the taxation regime.

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<b><font color=green>HINT</font><br/>However, ardent debate between political factions known as the Federalists and <br/>anti-Federalists ensued over the balance between strengthening the nation'snation’s <br/>government and weakening the rights of the <font color=crimson>people who</font> just 10 years earlier had <br/>rebelled against the perceived tyranny of George III of England, particularly his <br/>unwillingness to change the taxation regime.

*Here, again, you'llyou’ll need to tweak the grammar and repeat an item in the new sentence, preferably not straight after the previous occurrence.

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<font color=green>SOLUTION</font> </div><div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;"><b>However, ardent debate between political factions known as the Federalists and <br/>anti-Federalists ensued over the balance between strengthening the nation'snation’s <br/>government and weakening the rights of the peopl<font color=crimson>e. J</font>ust 10 years earlier<font color=crimson>, the people</font> had <br/>rebelled against the perceived tyranny of George III of England, particularly his <br/>unwillingness to change the taxation regime.</b>

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<font color=green>QUESTION C</font><br/>As such, the comic strip holds a unique place in British football folklore, demonstrated <br/>most clearly by the phrase "real“real Roy of the Rovers stuff"stuff”, which is commonly used <br/>by football writers and commentators in describing displays of great skill or results <br/>that go against the odds, as a reference to the dramatic storylines that became <br/>the trademark of the comic strip.

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<b><font color=green>HINT</font><br/>As such, the comic strip holds a unique place in British football folklor<font color=crimson>e, d</font>emonstrated <br/>most clearly by the phrase "real“real Roy of the Rovers stuff"stuff”, which is commonly used <br/>by football writers and commentators in describing displays of great skill or results <br/>that go against the odd<font color=crimson>s, as</font> a reference to the dramatic storylines that became <br/>the trademark of the comic strip.

*This is long enough to split into three sections.

*Where one clause flows very smoothly to the next, you might use a semicolon instead of a full-stop; however, two semicolons in a row is uncommon.

*One of the clauses might stand nicely as a short sentence, for emphasis.

*Consider using back-references such as "it"“it” or "this"“this” instead of repeating previous items.

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<font color=green>SOLUTION</font> </div><div class="NavContent" style="text-align:left; display: none;"><b>As such, the comic strip holds a unique place in British football folklor<font color=crimson>e. This</font> is <br/>demonstrated most clearly by the phrase "real“real Roy of the Rovers stuff"stuff”, which is <br/>commonly used by football writers and commentators in describing displays of <br/>great skill or results that go against the odds<font color=crimson>; it</font> is a reference to the dramatic <br/>storylines that became the trademark of the comic strip.</b>

*Here, "this"“this” stands for the fact that "the“the comic strip holds a unique place in British football folklore"folklore”; there'sthere’s no danger that it will be taken as standing just for the last item "British“British football folklore"folklore”.

*We'reWe’re lucky in that all of the nouns in the second sentence are plural, except for the one that we want to refer back to; thus, we can use the singular "it"“it” to refeer back to "the“the phrase 'real‘real Roy of the Rovers stuff'"stuff’”.

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AFTER THIS, IT'SIT’S STILL UNDER CONSTRUCTION!

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*unanswered questions.

<div style="padding:10px; background-color:#E6E6FA">'''The Sun''' is the star at the centre of our solar system. The Earth and other matter (including other planets, asteroids, meteoroids, comets and dust) orbit the Sun, which by itself accounts for more than 99% of the solar system's mass. Energy from the Sun—in the form of sunlight, supports almost all life on Earth via photosynthesis, and, via heating from insolation—drives the Earth's climate and weather. <font color= maroon >About 74% of the Sun's mass is hydrogen, 25% is helium, and the rest is made up of trace quantities of heavier elements.</font color> The Sun is about 4.6 billion years old and is about halfway through its main-sequence evolution, during which nuclear fusion reactions in its core fuse hydrogen into helium. Each second, more than four million tonnes of matter are converted into energy within the Sun's core, producing neutrinos and solar radiation. In about five billion years, the Sun will evolve into a red giant and then a white dwarf, creating a planetary nebula in the process. <font color=maroon>The Sun is a magnetically active star; it supports a strong, changing magnetic field that varies from year to year and reverses direction about every 11 years.</font color> The Sun's magnetic field gives rise to many effects that are collectively called solar activity, including sunspots on the surface of the Sun, solar flares, and variations in the solar wind that carry material through the solar system. The effects of solar activity on Earth include auroras at moderate to high latitudes, and the disruption of radio communications and electric power. Solar activity is thought to have played a large role in the formation and evolution of the solar system, and strongly affects the structure of Earth's outer atmosphere. <font color= maroon >Although it is the nearest star to Earth and has been intensively studied by scientists, many questions about the Sun remain unanswered;</font color> these include why its outer atmosphere has a temperature of over a million degrees K when its visible surface (the photosphere) has a temperature of just 6000 K. Current topics of scientific enquiry include the sunSun's regular cycle of sunspot activity, the physics and origin of solar flares and prominences, the magnetic interaction between the chromosphere and the corona, and the origin of the solar wind.</div>

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The Sun's magnetic field gives rise to many effects that are collectively called solar activity, including sunspots on the surface of the Sun, solar flares, and variations in the solar wind that carry material through the solar system. The effects of solar activity on Earth include auroras at moderate to high latitudes, and the disruption of radio communications and electric power. Solar activity is thought to have played a large role in the formation and evolution of the solar system, and strongly affects the structure of Earth's outer atmosphere.

Although it is the nearest star to Earth and has been intensively studied by scientists, many questions about the Sun remain unanswered; these include why its outer atmosphere has a temperature of over a million degrees K when its visible surface (the photosphere) has a temperature of just 6000 K. Current topics of scientific enquiry include the sunSun's regular cycle of sunspot activity, the physics and origin of solar flares and prominences, the magnetic interaction between the chromosphere and the corona, and the origin of the solar wind.</div>