"Trapped in the Closet" is episode 912 of the Comedy Central series South Park. It originally aired November 16, 2005. The name of this episode comes from the song "Trapped in the Closet" by R. Kelly. The episode satirizes beliefs and practices of the Church of Scientology.
Plot Synopsis
In this episode, Stan takes a personality test administered by the Church of Scientology, which reveals him to be depressed. Though he does not feel depressed, he becomes convinced that he is and spends all his money to take a test for "thetan-levels", which reveals him to be OT-9, a level previously only reached by L. Ron Hubbard himself. The Church recognizes Stan as the reincarnated prophet of Scientology, and Scientologists flock to his house to revere him.
One of the Scientologists is Tom Cruise. However, when the actor asks his "prophet" about his movies, Stan says he is "okay" but not as good as Leonardo DiCaprio, Gene Hackman, or "the guy from Napoleon Dynamite" (Jon Heder). Cruise becomes distraught, locks himself in Stan's closet, and refuses to come out, even at the urging of Nicole Kidman (by this point, the frequent use of the term "come(ing) out of the closet" makes the gay pun obvious).
Meanwhile, the president of the Church of Scientology reveals the secret doctrine (Scientology's OT-III teachings) to Stan — that all human souls are those of aliens, who were frozen by the evil Xenu, killed in a Hawaiian volcano, then had their souls brainwashed before entering human bodies (with the words "This is what Scientologists actually believe" appearing on the screen as the story unfolds). Stan begins to write a new sacred doctrine for the Church, mostly elaborations on the alien ideas, and he and his friends have a breaking up over the issue.
John Travolta and R. Kelly join Cruise in the closet, while Stan, who had written that Scientologists should not have to pay money, is informed that the religion is a money-making scheme. Stan initially likes the idea of getting money, but in front of all the Scientologists he finds he cannot exploit their faith and declares the Scientology a "big, fat, global scam". The Scientologists, however, are furious — they threaten to sue him. Cruise and the others leave the closet and also threaten to sue Stan.
The episode ends with Stan repeatedly challenging Scientology to sue him.
Quotes
In an attempt to be consoling after Stan cites depression as the reason for his Scientology exploits.
Cartman: "Stan, I just want you to know that I still hate Kyle more than you."
After Tom Cruise literally locks himself inside a closet.
Stan: "Dad! Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet!"
A song by R. Kelly about Tom Cruise, John Travolta and eventually himself being "Trapped In The Closet", a mockery of his 12 part story/song Trapped In The Closet.
Verse 1
Well I was just standing here Tom Cruise locked himself in the closet I asked myself why won't Tom just come out the closet Nobody has no answers... AND SO I PULL OUT MY GUN! Tell me why Tom Cruise in the closet or else I'm gonna shoot someone!
Verse 2
I was just standing here Tom Cruise locked himself in the closet Then John Travolta come and now John Travolta in the closet too. Please Tom Cruise and John Travolta come out of the closet. But then I calm myself down ...AND I PULL OUT MY GUN! (grabs a hostage) If Tom Cruise and John Travolta don't come out of the closet I'm gonna cap this bitch!
Verse 3
(R. Kelly) I've been asked to come up here, get you both out of the closet. Man this is some crazy sh*t, why won't you both just come out the closet, and they said: (Tom Cruise and John Travolta) We're not coming out the closet, so you can just go away. (R. Kelly) But everyone wants you out the closet. (Tom Cruise and John Travolta) That doesn't matter cause we're gonna stay. (R. Kelly) Now I'm starting to get angry. SO I PULL OUT MY GUN! I'm gonna give you count to three to open this closet door. 1, I'm gonna shoot you both. 2, I'm gonna cap some bitch. 3... (closet door opens and R. Kelly steps inside) Now I'm in the closet, now I'm in the closet too.
Newscaster: "Oh Jesus, here we go with the gun again!"
Scientologist leader: "You are so sued."
John Travolta, after closing the closet door: "Whoa, it's really nice in here."
Trivia
- During the credits, each contributor's name is replaced by "John Smith" or "Jane Smith", a reference to the possibility of lawsuits from the Church of Scientology.
- The character of Chef was absent in the episode, possibly because Isaac Hayes, the voice actor of that character, is a Scientologist.
- Another testament to the short production time of South Park and the resulting inclusion of current events: At one point, Stan mentions the Denver Broncos' 7-2 record. When this episode first aired the Broncos were, in fact, 7-2 with the last game being played three days before the episode's premiere.
- Despite the title of the episode, no one actually was 'trapped' in a closet.
- A Marklar can be seen in the freezing machine and being dropped into the volcano.
- For a third episode, Butters doesn't appear at all, suggesting that he may still be considered dead and locked up in his basement from the end of Marjorine
See also
- All About the Mormons?
- Super Best Friends ("Blaintology")