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List of Two and a Half Men episodes

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This article contains episode summaries for the CBS sitcom Two and a Half Men. Template:Spoiler

Season 1: 2003-2004

Picture Title Original Airdate Prod Code Episode #
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Pilot" September 22, 2003 101 1
Charlie's life is turned upside down by his brother and nephew moving in with him.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Big Flappy Bastards" September 29, 2003 102 2
Charlie begins to learn how to parent Jake while Alan attempts to get Judith back.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell" October 6, 2003 103 3
Alan fears he is losing his son and goes drinking with Charlie.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap" October 13, 2003 104 4
Alan has trouble with Berta and Charlie needs to get Jake and Rose to follow his suggestions.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump" October 20, 2003 105 5
After spending a night in Las Vegas, Charlie decides to live up to his promise that he made to Jake about attending his soccer game. During the game, Charlie sets up a play-date with an unattached mother named Kate, and they hit it off. During one of their dates, Charlie seems like he's ready for a serious relation.

Alan sets up a meeting with Gloria (one of the soccer moms) to write a soccer newsletter, but Gloria has other intentions for the evening, and he has no idea. During the evening another soccer mom, Brooke, tries to move in on Gloria's plans.

File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?" October 27, 2003 106 6
Charlie and Evelyn are dating members of the same family.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake" November 3, 2003 107 7
Judith gets worried when Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of a female surfer friend of Charlie's who walks around his place half naked. Alan feels concern for Judith when she befriends the surfer girl.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful" November 10, 2003 108 8
Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Phase One, Complete" November 17, 2003 109 9
Charlie wants to dump a female friend that Jake has grown close to. Alan and Rose bond over a game of scrabble.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Merry Thanksgiving" November 24, 2003 110 10
In an attempt to prove that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa over for Thanksgiving dinner
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor" December 15, 2003 111 11
While at the movies, the brothers bump into Judith and her new boyfriend. Seeing that Judith has changed her look, and the fact that Jake doesn't think Alan is as cool as Judith; prompts Alan to realize that if he wants to get back into the dating scene, he's going to have to change his look as well.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Camel Filters + Pheromones" January 5, 2004 112 12
When Berta is forced to bring her granddaughter Prudence to work with her, the boys find themselves a little preoccupied with her.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Sara Like Puny Alan" January 12, 2004 113 13
Charlie finally gets a chance for a double date with a hot neighbor, who is out for revenge on her cheating husband, and her sister who's a hot soap opera actress, and needs Alan to come along. The problem is that Alan gets sick from Jake, so Charlie takes them to a steam room to help Alan get rid of his flu symptoms. This backfires, as Charlie also gets sick, but he has no intentions of canceling the date.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "I Can't Afford Hyenas" February 2, 2004 114 14
Stan, Charlie's accountant, tries to explain Charlie's financial woes to him.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (1)" February 9, 2004 115 15
Against Alan's judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "That Was Saliva, Alan (2)" February 16, 2004 116 16
Frankie tells Charlie and Alan why she and her daughter are on the run; Frankie's daughter has a crush on Jake.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Ate The Hamburgers, Wearing The Hats" February 23, 2004 117 17
Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "An Old Flame With a New Wick" March 1, 2004 118 18
Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You" March 22, 2004 119 19
Judith's sister, Liz, hits on Alan at Jake's birthday party; Evelyn prefers alcohol to cake.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark" April 19, 2004 120 20
Judith believes that Jake is having a hard time dealing with his parent's divorce, after he starts annoying everyone with his non-stop guitar playing. So she suggests that they send Jake to a therapist. Alan doesn't agree at first, but after thinking about it, he believes it might not be such a bad idea.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "No Sniffing, No Wowing" May 3, 2004 121 21
Charlie jeopardizes Alan's divorce settlement by sleeping with his attorney, Laura.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "My Doctor has a Cow Puppet" May 10, 2004 122 22
Charlie attempts to cure Alan of his recent bout of sleepwalking; Jake sees his therapist.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Just Like Buffalo" May 17, 2004 123 23
Charlie tries to sweet talk Judith's divorcee support-group into letting Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Can You Feel My Finger?" May 24, 2004 124 24
A pregnancy scare has Charlie heading to the doctor for a vasectomy.

Season 2: 2004-2005

Picture Title Original Airdate Prod Code Episode #
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Back Off Mary Poppins" September 20, 2004 201 25
Alan learns that Charlie belongs to an exclusive men's group, and he begs his brother to let him join.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Enjoy Those Garlic Balls" September 27, 2004 202 26
Judith is dating Jake's pediatrician, and Alan is upset until Charlie points out that if she remarries, his alimony payments will end.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "A Bag Full of Jawea" October 4, 2004 203 27
Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension for giving his teacher (Missi Pyle) the finger by romancing her, but his attempts fail every time.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Go Get Mommy's Bra" October 11, 2004 204 28
Jake is very impressed and can't stop talking about his mother's new boyfriend, Dr. Melnick, which annoys Alan. Evelyn borrows Charlie's car to help her impress a Saudi prince, she is trying to sell a house to, but when Charlie gets his car back, he discovers his mother's bra in the backseat.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Bad News from the Clinic" October 18, 2004 205 29
Charlie meets his match when he falls for a woman who's better at playing hard to get than he is.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance" October 25, 2004 206 30
Alan denies having shoplifted a toy as a child and fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits he planted the toy on Alan to stay out of trouble himself.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana" November 8, 2004 207 31
Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to cater a party their mother has conned them into throwing for her.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers" November 15, 2004 208 32
Alan meets a woman named Nancy at a grocery store, who fulfills every single one of his desires, forcing Charlie to take care of Jake. After knowing Nancy for a few days Alan decides to ask her to marry him, prompting Charlie to try and talk him out of it, and he even gets help from the brothers' mother.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Yes, Monsignor" November 22, 2004 209 33
When Charlie leaves the house to avoid a date that he can't stand, he ends up at a coffee shop, where he meets his old girlfriend Lisa. He finds out that she broke up with her husband, and now has a child. Now he must try to convince Lisa that he's okay with her having a child. While Jake tries to justify to his father why he isn't doing so well in school.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "The Salmon Under My Sweater" November 29, 2004 210 34
Charlie tries to get Jake's approval on a theme song that he is hired to write for a television show, which is based on a comic book that Jake is a fan. While Alan finds out more about Rose(including how smart she is), when he spends more time with her.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Last Chance to See Those Tattoos" December 13, 2004 211 35
After getting unusually turned down at a bar, Charlie learns that a website has been made dedicated to exposing his lifestyle. Charlie sets out to find who created the site, making amends to all those he stood up, but it's harder than it looks when all the women take the apology better than expected.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "A Lungful of Alan" January 3, 2005 212 36
Alan is jealous of Charlie when an old classmate, who's now a beautiful woman, seems to be more interested in Charlie.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Zejdz z Moich Wlosów a.k.a. Get Off My Hair" January 14, 2005 213 37
After an earthquake hits, Judith's house is damage and she needs a place to stay. So Alan decides to invite her to stay with him and Charlie, without getting Charlie's permission. Charlie isn't happy with this, but accepts it. Alan becomes jealous when Judith goes on a date, and asks Charlie to find him a date, so that he can show Judith that he dates as well.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Those Big Pink Things with Coconut" January 31, 2005 214 38
The brothers throw out their mother, after she insults the way Alan is raising Jake. When Alan and Charlie ignore her phone calls, to get their attention she ends up in the hospital. When Alan and Charlie show up at the hospital they aren't sure if she's faking, and try to call her bluff.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Smell the Umbrella Stand" February 7, 2005 215 39
Alan starts to worry about a medical procedure that he is facing, and to get his mind off it Charlie suggests they go to Las Vegas.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?" February 14, 2005 216 40
When Judith decides to take a vacation, the brothers have to take care of Jake during the week. Alan finds it challenging, and even forgets to pick up Jake from soccer practice. When Alan finds out that he has to go to the I.R.S. because their auditing him, he forces Charlie to take care of Jake, and Charlie doesn't do any better than Alan.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Woo-Hoo, A Hernia-Exam!" February 21, 2005 217 41
After Charlie has back pain, Alan decides to take him to the Hospital after refusing alan's help. While there Charlie can't stop hitting on the doctor who is examining him. The only problem is that he has a history with her that he can't remember. Berta is feed up with Jake's inability to use the bathroom properly, so she decides to make him clean it until he learns.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "It Was Mame, Mom" March 7, 2005 218 42
Charlie is invited to a party hosted by a gay ad-executive named Eric, so Charlie asks Alan to pretend that he's his life partner. While at the party, Charlie meets Eric's ex-wife Pamela, and tries to sleep with her without Eric finding out.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "A Low, Gutteral Tongue-Flapping Noise" March 21, 2005 219 43
After Charlie takes Alan to an eye doctor, they end up at cafe where they bump into Charlie's ex-girlfriend, Sherri. While there Alan shows an interest in Sherri, and decides to ask her out. The problem is that Alan can't get over Sherri's relationship with Charlie.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey" April 18, 2005 220 44
Rose tries to help the brothers sort out their feelings, when Charlie and Alan take their personal frustrations out on each other.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On" May 2, 2005 221 45
Evelyn reads in the obituaries that her second husband, Harry has died. They all attend the funeral, including Jake who is excited at the opportunity of seeing a "dead guy". Charlie is excited by the opportunity of a newly single widow, and Alan is just happy to pay his respects to Harry.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother" May 9, 2005 222 46
Evelyn buys Alan a new Sports car causing Charlie to claim that his brother has sold his soul to the Devil. The next day, Evelyn extracts payment by insisting that Alan go on a blind, double date with her, her new beau and his daughter. At the restaurant, Alan learns that his mother and boyfriend will not be able to join them because there was a mixup between his heart medication and Viagra and she didn't want to "waste it". As a result, Alan is left to deal with the daughter, who is on a weekend pass from a rehab center and still has some loose screws. Alan eventually gets her back to the beach house only to have her drive off in his new sports car and become the object of a televised high-speed car chase.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab" May 16, 2005 223 47
When Evelyn learns that Jake spent his entire spring break with his grandparents, she pressures Alen into letting Jake stay with her for the night. Conserned that Evelyn will destroy Jake the way she destroyed their lives, Alan and Charlie grudgingly drop a resentful Jake off at her home and quickly flee to Charlie's favourite bar. There, amidst a group of sexy women, Alan easily gets his mind off of his son's miserable circumstance.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Does This Smell Funny to You?" May 23, 2005 224 48
Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an older man's trophy wife while Jake has to read a paper to his class.

Season 3: 2005-2006

Picture Title Original Airdate Prod Code Episode #
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts" September 19, 2005 301 49
After falling off the roof, Alan needs someone to watch Jake and Charlie offers, until, it interferes with his social life.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover" September 26, 2005 302 50
Jake gets suspended from school after drawing an offensive picture of a girl in his class that has large breasts. Meanwhile, Charlie is asked to watch over Alan's chiropractic office after pulling an all-nighter.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark" October 3, 2005 303 51
Charlie, finds out that Alan and Judith have begun to date again.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs" October 10, 2005 304 52
Berta causes tension between Charlie and Alan, when she temporarily moves in with them.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "We Called It Mr. Pinky" October 17, 2005 305 53
Charlie learns he can't be in a long-lasting relationship because of unresolved issues he has with his mother. Jake asks Charlie for advice about a girl at school.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Hi, Mr. Horned One" October 24, 2005 306 54
Ignoring Alan's warnings, Charlie continues to date Isabella until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop" November 7, 2005 307 55
Charlie wakes up with Rose the morning after her birthday party. Her irate father Martin Sheen, comes to ask Charlie about what the future holds for him and Rose, but the unexpected happens when Evelyn shows up.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "That Voodoo That I Do Do" November 14, 2005 308 56
Charlie tricks Jake into taking ballet lessons, so he can get close to the teacher.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Madame and Her Special Friend" November 21, 2005 309 57
One of Charlie's elderly neighbors tries to seduce Alan, while Charlie tries to stop Jake from giving money to a televangelist.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Something Salted and Twisted" November 28, 2005 310 58
Charlie helps Alan with his obsession of always having to get approval from the women in his life.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Santa's Village of the Damned" December 19, 2005 311 59
Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "That Special Tug" January 9, 2006 312 60
Charlie sees a therapist to learn how to deal with Alan's emotional insecurities.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Humiliation is a Visual Medium" January 23, 2006 313 61
Charlie finds himself in a relationship that is not based on sex.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded" February 6, 2006 314 62
Charlie arranges a romantic date with Mia in the hopes of consummating their relationship. Alan begins to date Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "My Tongue is Meat" February 27, 2006 315 63
Charlie has trouble keeping up with Mia's healthy lifestyle, so he begins to sneak beers, cigars, and burgers behind her back. When Mia finds out what he was doing, Charlie has to decide if he is truly in love with her or just whipped.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Ergo, The Booty Call" March 6, 2006 316 64
Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "The Unfortunate Little Schnauser" March 13, 2006 317 65
Charlie is nominated for an advertising award, but he decides to boycott it because his arch nemesis always wins. The rest of his family tries to trick him into going. Rose is having relationship problems with Gordon and seeks help from Charlie.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "The Spit-Covered Cobbler" March 20, 2006 318 66
Alan starts to have financial problems when he starts paying for his girlfriend's bills, so Charlie tries to get him to break up with her. Meanwhile, Judith is after Alan because he is late in paying his alimony check.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Golly Moses, She's A Muffin" April 10, 2006 319 67
Charlie is surprised to find out that Kandi has been living with them for the last three weeks. Alan is having a tough time helping Kandi earn a living. Charlie has lost his sense because of the dry-spell he is going through.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro" April 24, 2006 320 68
Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "And the Plot Moistens" May 1, 2006 321 69
Jake’s teacher has a meeting with Alan and Judith to discuss the lack of interest Jake has at school. Alan starts to fall for Francine, in a platonic way, because he is tired of the lack of intelligent communication he has with Kandi. Charlie helps Jake audition for his school musical.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Just Once With Aunt Sophie" May 8, 2006 322 70
A girl from Jake’s school invites him to his first boy-girl party. Charlie and Alan help him get ready for it by giving him advice. Alan and Charlie get nostalgic and remember their first boy-girl party.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Arguments for the Quickie" May 15, 2006 323 71
Mia comes back to town with her dance troupe and invites Charlie to her performance. At first, he decides not to go and tries to convince Alan that he no longer has feelings for her. He goes to the see the performance and Mia explains that she wants some of Charlie’s sperm. Charlie responds by asking Mia for something.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite" May 22, 2006 324 72
Charlie and Mia start making their wedding arrangements. Things begin to fall apart when their two families meet each other. They eventually decide on a small ceremony in Las Vegas.

Season 4: 2006-2007

Picture Title Original Airdate Prod Code Episode #
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Working for Caligula" September 18, 2006 401 73
Charlie returns to his bachelor lifestyle after Alan moves out of the house. Alan suffers a break down after his divorce from Kandi.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Who's Vod Kanockers" September 25, 2006 402 74
Charlie finally tells Alan the truth about why he did not marry Mia. Charlie and Alan deal with a noisy neighbour.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "The Sea is a Harsh Mistress" October 2, 2006 403 75
Charlie tries to surf to impress Dottie, a beautiful woman he just met, but after he nearly drowns he is convinced that he saw his late father.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "A Pot Smoking Monkey" October 9, 2006 404 76
Alan tries to hire his ex-wife's lawyer to help him win custody over the dog he and Kandi shared.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "A Live Woman of Proven Fertility" October 16, 2006 405 77
Alan is overjoyed by the prospect of Judith remarrying, as he would no longer have to pay alimony. Alan gets Charlie to help him when it looks like the marriage maybe derailed due to Jake’s dislike of his mother’s fiancé.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Apologies for the Frivolity" October 23, 2006 406 78
Charlie is dating a woman whose personality and life are like his mother’s.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Repeated Blows to his Unformed Head" November 6, 2006 407 79
Berta's daughter, Naomi is pregnant and Berta drags Charlie with her when she confronts the baby’s father. Alan reveals a secret fetish.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Release the Dogs" November 13, 2006 408 80
Alan suffers from insomnia. He visits his psychiatrist Jane Lynch, who reveals that the cause of Alan's sleepless nights is his jealousy towards Charlie, and his inability to glide through life.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Corey's Been Dead For an Hour" November 20, 2006 409 81
Charlie gets tired of Alan's mooching and reaches the breaking point during the brothers' double date. Jake is left home alone for the first time.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Kissing Abraham Lincoln" November 27, 2006 410 82
Worrying Charlie may get rid of one of them, Berta and Lydia fight over him. Meanwhile, Kandi does everything she can to stop Alan from selling their condo.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Walnuts and Demerol" December 11, 2006 411 83
Charlie's friends and family put a crimp in his plan for a romantic Christmas Eve date. When Evelyn sees who the date is, she goes to great lengths to force a wedge between them.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Castrating Sheep in Montana " January 8, 2007 412 84
Alan becomes involved with Berta's daughter Naomi, who has a newborn daughter of her own. This causes Evelyn to tell Alan during dinner with both families that she disowns him, until Naomi's boyfriend suddenly arrives, forcing Alan and Naomi to break it off.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "Don't Worry, Speed Racer" January 22, 2007 413 85
Charlie's mother, Evelyn, puts his house on the market without asking him, showing it to a wealthy, elderly Japanese man named Hiroshi. Charlie later catches Evelyn and Hiroshi naked in her living room together behind the couch.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami " February 5, 2007 414 86
Charlie sets Alan up with their new neighbour. But he gets jealous when the two form a bond.
File:Two And A Half Men Base1.jpg "My Damn Stalker " February 12, 2007 414 86
Rose is moving to London, and Charlie is surprised by his reaction to the news. Alan lies to a woman he met online.
File:Two And A Half Men Base2.jpg "Young People Have Phlegm Too " February 19, 2007 414 86
Charlie's young, hot girlfriend takes him to a new club. She invites Alan to meet one of her friends but the men are shocked to learn that they are considered as being "old".

References

Sources for the episode listings

See also

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