User:Tony1/Advanced editing exercises

Man writing a letter (1662–65), oil on canvas, by Flemish painter Gabriel Metsu; National Gallery of Ireland, Dublin

This is a set of exercises in which you are presented with a portion of faulty text. It may contain problems of grammar, logic, cohesion, tone, lexical choice, punctuation or redundant wording. In some cases, there are breaches of Wikipedia's Manual of style.

1. First, read the text carefully and try to determine where and how it can be improved.
2. Click on [Show] at the right below this to discover what the generic issues are; these are not necessarily listed in the order in which they occur in the problem text. Reread the faulty text to see if that helps you to identify the specific problems.
3. Click on [Show] below this to discover where the problems are in the text; armed with the what and the where may help you to solve the issues, if you haven't already done so.
4. Finally, click on [Show] to display our suggested solution and accompanying explanations. Where there are MOS breaches, links are provided to the relevant section in the MOS or its subpages.

The examples are all taken from featured article candidates. We've removed reference numbers to prevent clutter.

Feedback on how to improve these exercises is welcome on the talk page.

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Exercise 1

This is taken from the lead of Somerset.

QUESTION 1: Agriculture continues to be a major part of the economy of Somerset. Apple orchards
were once plentiful, and to this day the county is linked to the production of strong cider. The unemployment rate in the county is lower than the surrounding counties. The largest employment sectors are retail, manufacturing, leisure/tourism and health/social care.

HINT: WHAT THE ISSUES ARE

There are four issues.

• A wrong lexical item (which needs to be substituted with a more appropriate item).
• A problem of logic and of vagueness.
• A MOS breach.
• A false comparison.

HINT: WHERE THE ISSUES ARE

QUESTION 1: Agriculture continues to be a major part of the economy of Somerset. Apple orchards
were once plentiful, and to this day the county is linked to the production of strong cider. The unemployment rate in the county is lower than the surrounding counties. The largest employment sectors are retail, manufacturing, leisure/tourism and health/social care.

THE SOLUTION

SOLUTION 1: Agriculture continues to be a major part of the economy of Somerset. Apple orchards
were once plentiful have been plentiful for more than five centuries, and to this day the county is linked to known for the production of strong cider. The unemployment rate in the county is lower than that of the surrounding counties. The largest employment sectors are retail, manufacturing, leisure/tourism leisure and tourism, and health/social care health and social care.

• The problem of logic and of vagueness: "Once" suggests that the orchards were plentiful at some time in the past and are no longer so; but the subsequent clause implies that plentiful orchards have ever since been and still are plentiful, since the county is known for its apple cider. An indication is required of when "in the past" this was, even if as vague as "for at least five centuries". We have guessed a solution; the author would need to be asked to check this.
• The wrong lexical item: "Linked to" is ambiguous; "known for" is presumably what the author intended.
• The false comparison: The unemployment rate in Somerset is being compared with the unemployment rate in the surrounding counties, not with the counties themselves; "that of" can be inserted to stand for "the unemployment rate of" those other counties; then the comparison is valid.
• The MOS breach: Slashes are usually avoided.

Exercise 2

This is taken from the FA candidate Jane Zhang. We've removed the Chinese characters for the sake of simplicity. The three paragraphs in the lead are treated in Exercises 2a, 2b, and 2c, respectively.

QUESTION 2a: Jane Zhang (born 11 October 1984) also known as Zhang Liangying is
a Chinese pop singer who came to prominence when she placed third in the 2005 season of the Super Girl contest a national all female singing competition held in the People's Republic of China. Throughout the competition, she sang in English, Spanish and Cantonese in addition to Mandarin Chinese.

HINT: WHAT THE ISSUES ARE

There are five issues.

• A word that is probably redundant.
• Insufficient commas (three could be added).
• A word that is inconsistently applied in one place but not another.
• A potentially misleading lexical item.
• A verb is used wrongly in active voice.
• A hyphen is required.
• A character that may need to be changed in case (upper to lower, or lower to upper).

HINT: WHERE THE ISSUES ARE

QUESTION 2a: Jane Zhang (born 11 October 1984) also known as Zhang Liangying is
a Chinese pop singer who came to prominence when she placed third in the 2005 season of the Super Girl contest a national all female singing competition held in the People's Republic of China. Throughout the competition, she sang in English, Spanish and Cantonese in addition to Mandarin Chinese.

THE SOLUTION

SOLUTION 2a: Jane Zhang (born 11 October 1984), also known as Zhang Liangying, is
a Chinese pop singer who came to prominence when she was placed third in the 2005 season of the Super Girl Contest, a national all-female singing competition held in the People's Republic of China. Throughout the competition, she sang in English, Spanish and Cantonese in addition to Mandarin Chinese.

• Three commas are required
• The verb "placed" is transitive, is used wrongly in active voice.
• A hyphen is required for a double adjective.
• An upper-case "C" is required
• Throughout is a

Jane Zhang also known as Zhang Liangying (born 11 October 1984) is a Chinese pop singer who came to prominence when she placed third in the 2005 season of the Super Girl contest, a national all-female singing competition held in the People's Republic of China. Throughout the competition, she sang in English, Spanish and Cantonese in addition to Mandarin Chinese.

She was given the nickname "The Dolphin Princess" during the competition due to her ability to sing the whistle register. They had given her this nickname because Chinese musicians refer to the whistle register as the dolphin vocal sound due to the similarities between the pitch of the dolphin and the whistle register.

Zhang's debut album was titled The One and was produced by Craig Williams. Her next album, Update, broke away from the Chinese pop scene and had instead combined elements of R&B and jazz. Currently, she is participating in a World Peace One concert that is designed to increase awareness and activism for world peace, as well as raise funds for humanitarian relief. Other artists that are participating include U2, Madonna, Pink Floyd and Green Day.