The events in the webcomic 8-Bit Theater center around four major characters — the Light Warriors — and a number of minor ones.
The Light Warriors
The Light Warriors are the main characters of 8-Bit Theater. They consist of:
- Black Mage: An evil wizard who is highly proficient in black magic, but generally incapable of casting (or unwilling to cast) any beneficial or non-destructive spells. Black Mage later changes class to Blue Mage.
- Fighter: A warrior specializing in swords and master of The Twelve Schools of Vargus-do Zodiac-Style Swordplay (Zodiac Kenshido for short). Skilled as he is, he is also naïve and childlike and has an almost single-minded sword fixation as well as a short attention span. Fighter later changes class to Knight.
- Thief: The "leader" of the light warriors via a binding contract signed by Fighter. Also known as Prince Elf, Thief is the most greedy of the Light Warriors. Thief later changes class to Ninja.
- Red Mage: Versatile almost to the point of obsession and in the firm belief that the world is a role-playing game, Red Mage is the most knowledgeable/delusional of the Light Warriors. Red Mage later changes class to Mime.
Friends and those they have met
The following characters have helped (or hindered) the Light Warriors in some way.
White Mage
A White Mage assigned to protect fate, she is on a mission to help the Light Warriors succeed in saving the world, apparently to accomplish her destiny. There is ongoing tension with Black Mage's lustful attraction to her, resulting in her prompt violent responses (usually by hitting him with a large hammer). White Mage was sent to the beginning of time by Sarda the Sage and inadvertently created the Universe. Now, after a discussion with the young Sarda billions of years ago, she has willed herself back to her own time. White Mage is generally only capable of casting healing spells, which has compensated for the sheer incompetence of the Light Warriors on multiple occasions; however, on one occasion, she has also cast a spell called "Holy Fire" on Black Mage.
(Evil) Princess Sara
The Princess of Corneria, daughter of King Steve and Queen Jane and the heir to the Cornerian throne, Princess Sara had already been kidnapped about a half-dozen times by the time Garland got to her. Her rescue is the first mission that King Steve gives to the Light Warriors. Although she appears to be a respectable princess, Sara hides a calculating and bloodthirsty nature. For this reason, she used her time as Garland's "prisoner" to attempt to coach him into becoming a more competent villain.
After the Light Warriors "rescued" her, Sara demonstrated incredible swordswomanship by single-handedly defeating a Giant. Since her return to Corneria, she has continued to show interest in evil, but has not taken any villainous action. At one point, she turned down an offer to take the fourth position in the then-forming Dark Warriors. The vacant position was eventually occupied by Vilbert von Vampire.
King Steve
King Steve is the father of Princess Sara and a simple-minded lunatic who rules his country as a capricious despot. He was the one who first recruited the Light Warriors, requesting that they rescue his daughter, Sara, from Garland. Among other things, he has devastated his country in an attempt to drill for mana, issued laws preventing anyone from criticizing his rule (and decreeing that his rule was perfect), believed he was running for election against a length of string (ignoring the fact that Corneria is a monarchy), talked to a coffee stain, which he named Rodney and made his right hand man, forgot who his daughter was every time she came back from being kidnapped and has shoes made of babies' skin ("Fresh Daily"). He spends time trying to make an excuse to start a war. He also brags about having invented multiple things and concepts, such as imagination, eating and the concept of inventing itself.
Black Belt
Black Belt is an extremely skilled martial artist whose sense of orientation is all but existent. As a result, he is capable of defying the laws of physics by misunderstanding them. At least twice, this has led to warping the fabric of space, once, even creating a second version of himself (which was promptly turned to stone by Black Mage). Black Belt was assigned to guard White Mage on her mission, but was later slaughtered when he attacked Kary, the Fiend of Fire, in Gurgu Volcano.
Black Belt's teachers (who have color palettes identical to Ken and Ryu from the Street Fighter video game series) identify the fighting style they and Black Belt use as Wu Xia. Black Belt himself described the prevailing theory of his school as the credo that an opponent who is too broken to move is an opponent who is defeated.
According to Clevinger, Black Belt is permanently dead; even so, many fans apparently had a hard time accepting this and came up with various theories how Black Belt could be revived, the most persistent of which was bringing the stone Black Belt back to life. In a later episode (entitled "Now Shut Up," which seems to indicate a certain amount of frustration on Clevinger's part), White Mage did, indeed, try this; however, the top of Black Belt's head had eroded away by then and he merely turned into a (very briefly) living blood fountain, later given a proper burial by White Mage.
Matoya
Matoya is a blind witch who sends the Light Warriors on a side-quest to regain her magic eye after feeding them poisoned nightmare-inducing cookies, promising them an antidote if they return with it. She also grants Fighter the Armoire of Invincibility, instead of the Armor of Invincibility, due to her poor hearing. She is almost as greedy as Thief and once almost tricked Thief into paying her the entire kingdom of Elfland in return for his father's cure. Recently, it was discovered that Matoya has a romantic relationship with Bahamut, much to the disgust of the Light Warriors.
Sarda the Sage
The Wizard Who Did It and sole occupant of the Circle Cave, Sarda sends the Light Warriors on quests to recover the Four Orbs. Sarda holds the Light Warriors to their "destiny", often using forceful means. He is an all-powerful wizard who, among other things, can reverse and stop time as well as manipulate reality itself. He will readily do so out of sheer boredom, or just to screw people over (as Black Mage calls it, "An omnipotent jackass"). For example, humanity used to have 36-hour days, but Sarda reduced them to 24 just to make everyone hurry up. He never stops to think about the consequences of his actions.
Sarda planned to be the original creator of the Universe, but accidentally sent White Mage there before he arrived, where White Mage then set the Universe in motion by accident. Since the Universe obeyed only her until she forced herself back into the time stream, Sarda was forced to remain in the vacuum of space for billions of years until the Earth formed. He spent this time growing his impressive moustache.
Minor Enemies
Throughout the course of the series, the Light Warriors have come across several enemies. The enemies listed here are significant, though not as powerful or significant as the fiends or Dark Warriors. Some of these characters are fought as bosses in Final Fantasy.
Dr. Malpractice and Chancellor Usurper, Clan Sahn'Ta, AKA King Astos, Clan of the Dark Elves
Astos is a boss in the first Final Fantasy game, and the father of Drizz'L. He had originally planned to ovethrow the Khee'bler Clan to make way for the Sahn'ta elves; eventually, he decided to betray the Sahn'ta clan, as well, plunging Elfland into a civil war and eventually destroying it. In order to take the throne, he used the alias "Chancellor Usurper" to get close to the king and Prince Thief.
Doctor Malpractice was the doctor consulted by King Astos to dispatch of Clan Khee'bler, starting with its king. However, upon discovering his father's "illness," Prince Thief told Dr. Malpractice that he would go around the world, stealing treasures and sending them to the doctor to fund research on the disease. The doctor, taking the opportunity to get easy money, agreed; however, he told Chancellor Usurper that he had poisoned the prince to continue receiving money for that job as well. His plan went to waste when Thief returned. Dr. Malpractice was last seen running as far away as he could get from both parties that he betrayed.
In a stroke of luck, Thief and the Light Warriors accidentally walked in on Astos as he was dictating his plot to himself. In a last attempt to dispatch of the Light Warriors, King Astos sent ninja to assassinate them in their sleep. However, Thief predicted that he would attempt this and prepared his team. The next day, the Light Warriors confronted Astos for the final time. They never got around to an epic battle, however, as Astos was killed by a bad pun from Black Mage.
Cultists
The Cultists, commonly referred to as "the Incest Demons" are a doom cult the Light Warriors have encountered twice so far, led by Mrr'grt (pronounced like the name "Margret"). The true name of the cult is unknown, as its mere mention would drive one mad. They live in extremely remote areas and worship ancient beings that are reminiscent of the ones found in H.P. Lovecraft stories. The cultists induce new members by chopping their heads off and implanting the larva of an "Old One" in the body, where it matures, giving the cultists the appearance of a humanoid being with long tentacles in the lower half of their faces. The cultists thus resemble illithids or Mind Flayers, fictional monsters from the roleplaying game Dungeons & Dragons, who look similar and procreate in much the same way.
The Light Warriors first encountered the cult in an arctic cave, where they were trapped in another dimension by the cult's object of reverence, a monster resembling a large eye stalk. The group escaped this dimension and slaughtered the cult members.
The second encounter took place in the sunken Sea Shrine, where the reformed cult now worships a being they call Ur (whose true name is apparently Jnn'efur). However, according to one of the cultists, the texts concerning Ur were written in a language dead before time began. Mrr'grt also said that understanding even one passage of said ancient text would destroy the mind of the reader of the texts. They seem not to question the matter, however. During this encounter, they also possessed a secret formula for the end of the world, which was retrieved by Black Mage.
The Cultists take pleasure in disturbing paraphilia (especially those that carry taboos). All of the cultists that were introduced have names that are pronounced similarly to female names, such as Mrr'grt (Margret), L'zlhe (Leslie), and Suh'zanne (Suzanne). Despite looking exactly the same, they are able to recognize one another.
The Ordeals
In the Castle of Ordeals, the Light Warriors were separated temporarily. During this time, each of them had to do battle with the worst flaw in their personality. Fighter had to contend with the personification of Sloth, while Red Mage had to deal with his Hubris. Thief had to fight his Avarice; however, due to interference from Fighter, Black Mage ended up fighting it himself. Black Mage eventually got to his own ordeal, which was Atrocity, repesented by himself, as nothing else was evil enough to represent his sins.
After each of the ordeals were defeated, the Light Warriors were reunited to fight the final ordeal, the ordeal of defeating a giant Zombie Dragon (none of them were able to follow the flow of logic as to how that represented overcoming internal demons). The Zombie Dragon was defeated when Thief stole some of its vertebrae.
Defeating the Zombie Dragon, like in Final Fantasy, earned the Light Warriors a Rat's Tail, which they later exchanged for Class Changes.
The Dark Warriors
The Dark Warriors are villains who have encountered and been defeated by the Light Warriors separately. They eventually teamed up to destroy the Light Warriors. However, to this point, they have not fought as a team.
Garland
The first enemy faced by the Light Warriors, Garland initially had little self-confidence and no idea how to be a proper villain and is much too nice, treating the Light Warriors more like guests rather than prisoners during their stint in his castle. He ended up being assisted by Evil Princess Sara, the alter ego of the princess he had kidnapped. After his first failed encounter with the Light Warriors, he formed the Dark Warriors and began a propaganda campaign against the Light Warriors. Garland is continually wrestling with his fear of Forest Imps, who, despite being the weakest creatures in the world, seem to possess 'clever little group tactics' in addition to an alarmingly malicious and cunning nature. Although a therapist (actually a Forest Imp in disguise) has convinced him that Forest Imps do not exist, the beasts still secretly torment him. Garland has the ability to summon huge creatures, including a giant squid, a dinosaur and a really big marmoset; the origin of these abilities is unknown.
Bikke the Pirate
Bikke is the hopelessly incompetent and dim-witted pirate captain who attacked Pravoka. A very cheap man, he killed his crew by feeding them nothing but Cheetos as a substitute for oranges (on the pretext that they had the same colour) until they all succumbed to scurvy. The second character to join the Dark Warriors, he desires to be called "The Claw", despite having two perfectly functional hands. Although he is a pirate captain, he cannot swim. Bikke is known for his intense body odor and his tendency to speak in a cliched pirate accent.
Prince Drizz'L, Clan of the Dark Elves
A Dark Elf and the son of Astos, King of the Dark Elves, Drizz'L is the third villain to join the Dark Warriors. His name, a parody of the name of fictional dark elf Drizzt Do'Urden, translates from Elven roughly into "The Relentless Scourge." Drizz'L is a sword master equal to Fighter and controlled a pack of giant spiders before he was defeated by the Light Warriors in Marsh Cave. His sword skills are severely impacted by the fact that Fighter took away his swords, a fact he keeps forgetting. Still, he is one of the very few characters in the series with a reasonably clear head and considers himself the most intelligent of the Dark Warriors, although his inherent Elven arrogance often gets the better of him.
Vilbert von Vampire
Vilbert, the son of Lich, is a vampire and the final member of the Dark Warriors. He is a parody of the "poser goth kid" cliché. Prior to meeting the Light Warriors, Vilbert lived in the basement of his parents' house, where he indulged in his hobbies: writing horribly clichéd goth poetry, live action role-playing and being misunderstood. Like any other vampire, he can be killed with a wooden stake. In an attempt to kill him, the Light Warriors drove the Armoire of Invincibility through most of his vital organs to incapacitate him. He later recovered and joined the Dark Warriors. Like Red Mage, he believes the world to be a role-playing game.
Running gag characters
The following characters appear throughout the comic as a running gag of some sort. With the exception of Akbar, all running gag characters are characters whose lives have been made miserable either by the Light Warriors or causes related to them.
Onion Kid
Onion Kid is a child who always seems to be in a ___location that leaves him or his loved ones vulnerable to Black Mage. He has been traumatized multiple times during the course of the comic:
- The first time, he goes into shock at the sight of Black Mage's unveiled face. [1] [2]
- Shortly after the above, he is mentally scarred again when he witnesses the scene of Black Mage's murder of two Cornerian city guards. [3]
- His family is kidnapped by Black Mage and Thief at the Elfland National Campgrounds and later killed in their sleep.
- While visiting Crescent Lake, Black Mage butchers Onion Kid's first foster family.
- Out of anger, Black Mage destroys a barge full of medicines and food for dying orphans with a Hadoken. Coincidentally, the same giant cargo ship just happened to be going to the same orphanage Onion Kid lived in at the time, causing the head of the orphanage to kick him out because of his bad luck.
- When Black Mage pushes an old man out of the airlock of the Light Warriors' airship, he lands on a house with so much force, it kills everyone inside. The inhabitants were apparently Onion Kid's new set of rich, loving adoptive foster parents.
During the Elfland incident Onion Kid mentions a sister, although she ended up getting murdered by Ursurpers ninjas.
The Real Light Warriors
The Real Light Warriors are a party made up of a Knight, a Ninja, a Red Wizard and a White Wizard. These four warriors were supposed to be the real Light Warriors of Destiny, as each possesses an actual Orb of Light. In contrast, the Light Warriors provided King Steve with warm light bulbs. By a combination of bad timing and bad planning, they got passed over for the job by King Steve because the fake Light Warriors, the main characters, beat them to it. Since then, they've always been several steps behind the heroes. Much like Onion Kid, they often suffer great pain through the actions of the unaware Light Warriors(for example, the fake Light Warriors stole their boat, stranding them on a continent of ice). In a parallel to the main characters travails, much of their bad luck seems to stem from listening to the plans of Barry, their Red Wizard (an upgraded Red Mage).
Akbar
A reference to Matt Groening's Life in Hell character of the same name, Akbar is a shopkeeper and master of rip-offs. Akbar delights in selling bogus items or offering shoddy services. He has sold many different flukes to the Light Warriors and other characters, including his amnesia dust, fake spells and a witness protection program. His stores consist of the following:
- Akbar's Discount Amnesia Dust Outlet (not talcum powder)
- Akbar's Discount Nutrinal [sic] Outlet (not extremely unhealthy)
- Akbar's Discount True Guardian Outlet (not pathetic creatures)
- Akbar's Airships (not deathtraps)
- Akbar's Shop O' Magic (not one single fraudulent item)
- Akbar's Very Effective Witness Protection Program (not utterly useless)
The Messenger and Elite Royal Guard Hank
When the Light Warriors were returning Princess Sara to the kingdom of Corneria, several rangers and scouts were sent out to search for the returning party, but instead, they got drunk. So when one messenger returned to inform King Steve that Princess Sara had yet to be found, King Steve declared that, being the bearer of bad news, the Messenger would be put to death. He then assured the Messenger that he was joking and sent him on his way. After the Messenger left, King Steve called in Elite Royal Guard Hank and told him to "See to it that the messenger who was just in here is dead before he leaves the castle." Hank charged after the Messenger, leaving King Steve to muse, "Did I remember to tell Hank I was joking?" Occasionally, we see the Messenger deliver messages for King Steve, while still fleeing Hank, who is never far behind.
The Other Warriors
The Other Warriors are a band of warriors who the Light Warriors run into every so often during the course of their quest. They are based on character classes from the Dungeons & Dragons games.
Generic Half-Elven Dual-Class Ranger
A half-elf who is very poetic and adventurous, his poetics and wit put the charm on White Mage, making Black Mage jealous. Ranger has a dual class, both of which are Ranger. Ranger is extremely friendly and trusting, though a bit naïve. He is capable of firing multiple arrows at once with uncanny accuracy. A strange story that he told White Mage implied that he was a deranged murderer, although no other evidence has come up to support this yet.
Berserker Axinhed
In a cast of monodimensional characters, Berserker stands out because of a multiple personality. Half of the time, he is a civilized, gentle dwarf and a great conversationalist. The other half of the time, he is in a blind rage, swearing and shouting incoherently while mauling whoever happens to stand nearby (usually Thief). When in his civilized state, he tends to wear a monocle and often does not remember what he did in his rage.
Cleric
Cleric is a "miracle shopper" who makes deals with the Gods. In order to keep an open market, Cleric prefers not to devote himself to one single god and is, in fact, an atheist. Cleric made a deal with a trickster God named Raven to bring Thief back to life; in return the Raven bestowed him with a "healing shiv", which has shown its worth in the healing of Thief.
Rogue
Not much is known about Rogue besides the fact that, like Thief, he's constantly scamming people, including his own teammates. However, unlike Thief, who conducts his business through contracts and legal loopholes, Rogue apparently relies on a network of shady contacts (usually, he "knows a guy who knows a guy").
The Fiends
The Fiends are evil elemental beings, far stronger than regular monsters. They guard the orbs the four elements are tied to. Both Fiends that have so far appeared in the comic, Lich and Kary, have managed to violently kill a main character (although Black Mage was later revived). Whenever a fiend appears, the comic takes a somewhat more serious air.
In the Final Fantasy video game, the Fiends served as major bosses. They consisted of Lich (Earth), Kary (Fire), Kraken (Water) and Tiamat (Wind). Kraken and Tiamat have not yet appeared in the comic.
Lich, Fiend of Earth
Lich is an undead, immortal wizard and self-proclaimed "Master Bonecraftsman" who believes all things live to die and that the dead live to serve him.
Lich confronted the Light Warriors after they defeated his son, Vilbert. He killed Black Mage by breaking his spine. Afterwards, he easily stopped multiple attempts by Fighter to kill him, as he had put his soul into the Earth Orb, rendering him immortal. Thief "stole" his soul out of the Earth Orb, the Light Warriors managed to get Lich's soul back into him and Black Mage, who emerged as the ruler of Hell, banished Lich to the underworld. However, Lich revived the minions of Hell, whom Black Mage had incapacitated by removing their spines, and ousted Black Mage from his position. Lich's departing words were, "Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I'll be back," a direct quote from Ghostbusters 2. Lich was last seen greeting his fellow fiend, Kary, as she entered Hell.
Kary, Fiend of Fire
Kary is a fiend who enjoys indiscriminately killing people via combustion, feeling it's the only way to prove she's evil. However, she overdoes it and ends up killing all her minions with little, if any, provocation.
During her battle with the Light Warriors, she killed Black Belt. Red Mage later managed to stuff her into a bag of holding and cast Ice-9 (both a play on the spell numbering system of the game the comic is based on, since the highest attainable spell level is 8, and also quite likely a reference to Kurt Vonnegut's novel Cat's Cradle), an enormously powerful Ice spell capable of freezing an entire Universe, into it. White Mage then shattered the frozen bag with her hammer, destroying the bag and all its contents, including Thief's collection of "more riches than actually exist." Kary was last seen being greeted by her fellow fiend, Lich, as she entered Hell.
The Gods
The following characters are all higher powers who have made contact with the Light Warriors.
Dr. Swordopolis
Dr. Swordopolis is the very incarnation of all things sword, taking the form of a bespectacled blade that appears to Fighter in visions, bringing cryptic and oft-ignored advice. He has numerous powers, including spiritual possession and the ability to cut through the fabric of space-time. His origins and motivations are unknown.
Bahamut
Bahamut is the God-King of Dragons. He offered to give the Light Warriors "the power of self-realization and the power that comes with it" in exchange for the tail of the dreaded Dire Rat. When the Light Warriors brought him such a tail from the Castle of Ordeals, he granted their Class Changes. It later turned out that the reason Bahamut desired a rat tail was that rat tail soup is a potent virility drug, to be concocted by his girlfriend, Matoya. Bahamut is friends with Raven.
Raven
Raven is a totemistic representation of trickery. When Thief was nearly killed by Berserker, Raven tricked Thief into thinking he was dead. At the brink of dying, Thief's soul was in his own personal Hell, in which there was nothing to steal. Thief said that he would do "anything" to get out of the personal Hell he was in; subsequently, Raven got Thief to sign a contract, which Thief failed to read closely. The nature of the contract is still unknown. Raven is friends with Bahamut.
The Dark God
One of the Dark Gods Black Mage worships and the one who brought about his class change. The Dark God appears to be involved in some sort of rivalry with Dr. Swordopolis, although the exact implications of this rivalry are still unclear. His official title is "Executive Assistant to Chaos", being one of many middle management deities in the organization of evil.
The Dark God is unnamed, but due to the fact that his sprite is that of Magus from Chrono Trigger, many fans call him by that name. On the other hand, in the comic, Black Mage made up the name "Darko, the Dark God of the Dark" in an attempt to convince his friends that he was, indeed, a Dark God.
Megahedron
Megahedron, who resembles a 20-sided die with aviator sunglasses, appeared only once as Red Mage's patron deity. Red Mage, however, claims he is nothing more than a result of his "three-point hallucination flaw" (a reference to a series of RPGs stemming from a rule set by White Wolf) and it is currently unclear whether or not Megahedron will make another appearance and if he does, in fact, exist outside of Red Mage's mind.