Talk:Caltrain Modernization Program/GA1

GA Review

Latest comment: 7 years ago3 comments1 person in discussion

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Reviewer: Bob1960evens (talk · contribs) 16:10, 4 September 2017 (UTC)Reply

I will review. I will work through the article, making notes as I go, and return to the lead at the end. Can I suggest that you mark any issues fixed with comments or maybe the Done template. I am not in favour of using strikethrough, as it makes the text difficult to read at a later date, and it is an important record of the GA process. Bob1960evens (talk) 16:10, 4 September 2017 (UTC)Reply

Dead external links

There are four dead links and a soft dead link, which you might like to look at fixing before I get that far. You can use the external links menu item above to see which ones they are.

History

Background

However, by 1977, Southern Pacific began facing rapidly declining ridership and petitioned the state Public Utilities Commission to allow them discontinue the commute operation. Suggest "were facing" rather than "began facing", and "the commute operation" needs tweaking. Suggest it should be "the commuter operation" if sticking with lower case, or the fact that the whole thing is known as the Peninsula Commute needs a brief explanation, and should then be capitalised.

Early electrification proposals

...proposed replacing the existing diesel-electric locomotives with either an EMD AEM-7 electric locomotive... This reads like all diesel-electric locomotives would be replaced by a single electric locomotive. Suggest it should be plural here and two sentences later, as it is at the end of the paragraph.
...since the gallery cars (built in 1985) were then relatively new and could be reused. Suggest removing the brackets to improve flow. So, "...since the gallery cars, which had been built in 1985, were then relatively new and could be reused."
...and went on to publish the draft Rapid Rail Study on October 1, 1998... Should be "a draft Rapid Rail Study", since it has not been previously introduced.
At that time, Caltrain was touting daily ridership... Not sure that "touting" is a good word choice here. It suggests they were hoping to get such numbers, but I suspect that they were already achieving them.

Caltrain/HSR blended system

'Details of a proposed agreement between Caltrain and the CHSRA leaked in February 2012, which stated... "which" as a conjuction doesn't quite work here, because of the intervening clause. Suggest "Details of a proposed agreement between Caltrain and the CHSRA, which were leaked in February 2012, stated..."
The investments in the "bookend" electrification projects... Not sure what "bookend" means in this context, and the quotes suggest the word is used in an unusual way. Clarify.
that detailed the "blended" plan... Not sure that "blended" needs its quotes on second occurrence.

Lawsuits

ruling that the electrification project does not hinge on the high-speed rail project's success, and is thus independent from the latter. The tense changes suddenly. Suggest "did not hinge" and "was thus independent".
Assembly Bill 1889. Suggest "Assembly Bill No. 1889", which is its official title, so there is no confusion that 1889 might be a year, which I assumed at first.

Back soon. Bob1960evens (talk) 16:52, 4 September 2017 (UTC)Reply